Pikmin 2: The Side You Didn't See
by Blind Kirby
Summary: You've seen Olimar and Louie's side, now see the Bosses' as they try to stop the Pikmin threat! COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

Author's notes: This is a fic I posted on the Nsider Forums. A lot of people really liked it, so I decided to dust off my really old account and post it here. The first few chapters were written with a friend, so that might clear up some confusion.

Chapter 1: The Day After Yesterday.

_(T__he story begins after the events of Pikmin, were the various groups of creatures have gone nuts after the sudden death of the Grand Emperor. Even though he was, like, fat and stuff. Trying to get things organized, Titan Dweevil calls for an emergency meeting the following night...)_

Titan Dweevil: We all gather here today to make sense of a horrible event and to recognize a growing threat: THE PIKMIN STOLE MY BOTTLE CAP!

_(Crickets chirp)._

Titan Dweevil: Oh, and they also killed the Grand Emperor.

_(Everyone else goes completely nuts. They all settle down when Ranging Bloyster enters)_

Titan Dweevil: You're LATE! Where have you been?

Ranging Bloyster: Sorry Titan, but I found this neat bottle cap on my way here and I just couldn't leave it on the ground! _(Shows everyone bottle cap)_

Titan Dweevil: HEY! That's mine!

Ranging Bloyster: Nu-Uh!

Titan Dweevil: Uh-Huh!

Ranging Bloyster: Nu-Uh!

Titan Dweevil: Listen here punk: I am the ruler of all that is shiny, Which obviously shows that you stole it! HAND IT OVER, LEECH BOY!

Ranging Bloyster: Ruler of all that is shiny my foot!

Waterwriath: But you don't have a-

Ranging Bloyster: Shut it WaterWuss!

Waterwriath: It's WaterWRIATH.

Draslushee: Actually, it's WaterWRAITH.

WaterWRAITH: Then why does it keep showing up as WaterWRIATH?

Draslushee: Because Ghostpikmin didn't know how to spell your name.

Ghostpikmin: Heh heh, oops...

Titan Dweevil: Wait, what're these tiny people doing in here?

Draslushee: They're onto us! RUN AWAY! _(vanishes)_

Ghostpikmin: WAIT FOR ME! _(vanishes)_

Titan Dweevil: Um...where were we?

Ranging Bloyster: I think it was WaterWuss' turn to talk.

Waterwraith: It's WaterWRAITH! I'm tired of you guys making fun of me!

Giant Breadbug: CoughWUSScough

Waterwraith: That's it! You're dead! _(Punches Giant Breadbug)_

Giant Breadbug: HE HE HE… That tickles!

Waterwraith: Curse you watery arms of mine…. CURSE YOOOOUUUU!

Titan Dweevil: The point is that is my bottle cap, now hand it over!

Ranging Bloyster: No, you listen here! All the creatures in the Perplexing Pool know that I am the true ruler of the shiny stuff! Ain't that right?

Giant Breadbug, Waterwraith, and Beady Long-Legs: Word.

Widow Empress: Wait a second, it's called the Distant Spring!

Ranging Bloyster: Not anymore.

Widow Empress: Why not?

Ranging Bloyster: Because the Grand Emperor is dead, and the Perplexing Pool sounds cooler than the Distant Spring. Ain't that right?

Waterwraith and Beady Long-Legs: WORD UP, DAWG!

Giant Breadbug: _(Eating ham)_ Yeah, sure, whatever.

Waterwraith: Ah HAH! _(Punches ham)_

Pileated Snagret: And that was supposed to do… what?

Waterwraith: Now the ham is all moldy and stuff!

Giant Breadbug: My ham! _(Gets serious_) Oh, it's on now! _(charges up, Dragon Ball Z style)_ KA... ME... HA... ME...

Waterwraith: No energy attacks! It's against the rules of the fic!

Giant Breadbug: Awww...well then, take this! _(lunges at Waterwraith)_

Waterwraith: Hey what are you doin- HEY! _(Shrinks until he vanishes)_

Giant Breadbug: _(burps)_

Waterwraith: Hey! You drank me! Let me out!

Giant Breadbug: Oh, I'll let you out alright, in 2 hours!

Waterwriath: Oh, well that doesn't sound so bad…

Giant Breadbug: Wait until you hear which path you're taking out of my body and you'll change your mind!

Waterwriath: OO AHHH! LET ME OUT! ANYTHING BUT THAT! AHHHHH!

Giant Breadbug: At least you don't have to share the ride on the same route as the ham.

Waterwraith: BAD IMAGES! VERY BAD IMAGES!

Titan Dweevil: Ok, let's have a vote so we can decide who is officially the ruler of shiny stuff! All for me?

_(Titan Dweevil, Raging Long-Legs, and Segmented Crawbster all raise hands)_

Raging Long-Legs: Wait, I don't have a hand...

Titan Dweevil: Neither do I, just shut up and let your vote be counted. YAY DEMOCRACY!

Ranging Bloyster: HAH! I have 4 votes to your 3! What are you going to do about that?

Titan Dweevil: Uhh, the Giant Breadbug ate Waterwuss, so you also have 3 votes. It's a tie!

Raging Long-Legs: Boo democracy!

Ranging Bloyster: Nonsense! We just have to wait two hours! Then I'll be officially the Ruler of Shiny!

Titan Dweevil: _(readies weapons)_ Tell me something: how can you be the ruler, if you're DEAD?

Ranging Bloyster: Bring it, you 4-legged freak!

_(Beady Long-Legs and Raging Long-Legs both glare at him.)_

Ranging Bloyster: Oh… Umm…. I was talking to Titan Dweevil.

Beady Long-Legs: Yeah. Right. So you have something against four-legged stuff, do ya?

Raging Long-Legs: Perhaps you would like a big foot on your HEAD.

Beady Long-Legs: Hey, where does his head start, anyway?

Raging Long-Legs: I'm not sure...

Ranging Bloyster: Yeesh, you're one to talk, you don't even have a...

Raging Long-Legs: WHAT WAS THAT?

Ranging Bloyster: Nothing.

Segmented Crawbster: THAT'S IT! This stupid argument has gone on LONG ENOUGH! _(Smashes bottle cap into the wall, and it bounces off and hits Man-at-legs in the head, waking him up)_ Can't we just hurry up this meeting so the few of us that do have lives can get back to them?

_(Man-at-legs gets up and looks around. Titan Dweevil and Ranging Bloyster both point at Segmented Crawbster_.)

MAL: (Target sighted. Eradicate. Eradicate. Must pwn thrower of shiny thingy that owied me.)

Segmented Crawbster: What? Why are you all staring at me like that? _(turns around_) WOAAA! _(Gets fired on by MAL)_

Titan Dweevil and Ranging Bloyster: _(to each other)_ This is all YOUR fault! start fighting

Giant Breadbug: When in Rome, do as the Romans do…

_(everyone starts fighting)_

Segmented Crawbster: THIS MORE FUN THAN A MINDLESS PIKMIN MASSACRE! BWAHAHAHA!

MAL: (Intense chaos detected. Response: Party down.) _(gets funky and fires everywhere)_

Giant Breadbug: Um...surrender, Titan Dweevil! Teh Cheese commands it!

Titan Dweevil: Teh Cheese can go jump in a fondue pot! _(fires flames at Giant Breadbug)_

Giant Breadbug: _(runs away screaming)  
_

_(Everyone stops fighting)_

Raging Long-Legs: _(still angry, trying to calm down)_ Stay calm… Remember your Nintendo things… Stay calm…

_(Doodlebug runs into the meeting and runs up to Raging Long-Legs)_

Doodlebug: Hey Raging! Check out what I can do! _(farts)_

Raging Long-Legs: Calmness... calm... go to the happy place... the happy place of NES... haaapppyyy pllaaaaccceeeee... _(sings the Mario Bros. melody in a shaky voice)_

Doodlebug: Hey, that's a cool tune!_ (farts to the tune)_

Raging Long-Legs: BLASPHEMER!

_(Steam comes out of Raging's "head" and he goes nuts stomping everywhere. Boulders fall all over the place.)_

Beady Long-Legs: Ok, take it easy bro… Deep easy breaths.

Raging Long-Legs: _(eyebrow twitches)_ Ok, two things: first, who brought Doodlebug?

Giant Breadbug: _(whistles)_… What? Just practicing my whistling…

Raging Long-Legs: Second, how do you think we can stay safe from the Pikmin?

Burrowing Snagret: Uhh… Why don't we stay underground?

Raging Long-Legs: Pardon?

Burrowing Snagret: Think about it, the Pikmin have never gone underground. I say we all just stay under ground until things cool off, that way we can safely come up with a way to destroy them.

Segmented Crawbster: I'm with that idea. All approve?

_(Everyone raises their hand)_

Raging Long-Legs: Great! This meeting is over! You may all continue with your lives!

Ranging Bloyster: Like your life of sitting in front of the NES all day? Ha ha...

Raging Long-Legs: _(eyebrow twitches)_

Beady Long-Legs: Bro, that's the second time that's happened, and we don't have eyebrows...

Raging Long-Legs: seething DO NOT QUESTION WHETHER I DO OR DON'T HAVE AN EYEBROW, BROTHER...

Beady Long-Legs: ...Okay...

_(Everyone starts walking away. Raging Long-Legs walks toward Widow Empress, widowed because she was the wife of the Grand Emperor, who got, like, deadified by Pikmin)_

Widow Empress: Yeah?

Raging Long-Legs: (_ahem)_ You see, a while ago one of your kids borrowed my Game & Watch. Being that they are all adults, I'd really appreciate it if I could have it back, as such antiques are so hard to find these days.

Widow Empress: Sure, I'll let them know.

Raging Long-Legs: It means a lot to me, and it sure would be… unfortunate if anything bad happened to it...CAPICHE?

Widow Empress:… Sure, I'll tell them right away.

Raging Long-Legs: It's good that we understand each other.

FIN

Thus concludes the first chapter of this epic saga. However, many questions remain unanswered... how will the creatures fare against the Pikmin should they rise up once more? Will the Widow Empress' daughters return Raging's Game & Watch? How can Raging's eyebrow twitch if he doesn't have an eyebrow? Will the Waterwraith safely make it out of the Giant Breadbug? If the Titan Dweevil had fried the Giant Breadbug, would he be a Giant Toastbug? Why am I asking you all these questions? I'm one of the ones writing this fic, shouldn't I know this stuff? Make sure to come back for the next chapter to find out!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: The Day Before the Day After Tomorrow's Yesterday.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------  
_(The next day, the two captains (Olimar and Louie) landed on the planet, found an onion, and entered the Hole of Beasts. When they came out, a group of bulborbs entered to investigate, and found all but a few bulborbs dead. Immediately, a meeting of bosses was scheduled for that night to decide what should be done.)_

Segmented Crawbster: GAH! Isn't one meeting a month enough? I have a life to attend to you know!

Ranging Bloyster: Really? I find that really hard to believe.

Segmented Crawbster: Hey, some of us here have lives where we do something other than stare at shiny stuff and drool.

Titan Dweevil: I'll give you three seconds to take back that comment before I electrically roast your poisoned, soggy butt!

Ranging Bloyster: Yeah, then I'll poke you with my many tongues!

Segmented Crawbster: ... I apologize, as shiny stuff PWNS all, even me. Can I live now?

Titan Dweevil: Smart crab...

Pileated Snagret: Well, it seems somebody's idea didn't work...

Burrowing Snagret: PSHT, it was better than anything you could think of. Anyway, our data on Pikmin is incredibly small, so we have to deal with what we know.

Pileated Snagret: Sure you do... _(rolls eyes)_ Say, where are the others?

Titan Dweevil: Yeah, a few are missing. I wonder where they are...

_(The three Long-Legs Bros. enter. MAL immediatly falls asleep and Raging is taking deep easy breaths)_

Pileated Snagret: Er... What's up with him?

Beady Long-Legs: Umm... He's a little nervous right now. He's been waiting to speak with the survivors ever since he heard the news.

Pileated Snagret: Are you sure?

Raging Long-Legs: They don't like video games... They wouldn't dare touch... Of course they wouldn't... Everything will be A-Ok...HAPPY PLACE... HAAAPPYYY PLAACCEEE...

Beady Long-Legs: ...Yeah, pretty sure that qualifies as "nervous."

Ranging Bloyster: Well, Widow is coming with the survivors, which is why she is late. I wonder what is holding up Giant Breadbug though... He never turns down a free ham...

Titan Dweevil: Huh... What should we do until they come?

Ranging Bloyster: I know! Let's have a staring contest!

Titan Dweevil: Sounds like fun!

_(30 minutes pass as nobody blinks)_

Segmented Crawbster: This is hardly fair, the Long-Legs don't even have eyes!

Beady Long-Legs: Pah, you're just a pansy.

Segmented Crawbster: I am not a pansy! (Thoughts: Even though those Piks are SOOOOOO CUTE! MUST... HUG... PIKS...)

_(Widow Empress, Emperor Bulblax, and a few red Bulborbs enter)_

Ranging Bloyster: It's about time! What took you?

Widow Empress: Sorry, my son wanted to stop to eat an action figure.

Emperor Bulblax: Mmmm... plasticy...

Widow Empress: That's a healthy little boy!

Pileated Snagret: This all makes sense except... Why did you even bother to bring him?

Emperor Bulblax: Mommy says I'm special!

_(crickets chirp)_

Pileated Snagret: Riiiiiight...look, a bunny!

Emperor Bulblax: Where? _(looks)_

Pileated Snagret: _(pokes Emperor with his beak)_

Emperor Bulblax: Hey!

Pileated Snagret: It was him! _(nods toward Segmented Crawbster)_

Emperor Bulblax: I'm tellin' my mommy on you!

Pileated Snagret: I repeat, WHY did you bring him here?

Widow Empress: He's the oldest of my sons (though certainly not the brightest) and he deserves to know what is going on in the world!

Raging Long-Legs: _(all in one breath)_ That's all really nice madam, really, it is, but I'm really anxious along with everybody else here, which I'm sure are all very curious of which what happened exactly, and what was stolen, mainly the item which I requested of you, which I guess what I'm trying to say is: Was my Game & Watch stolen? _(deep breath)_

Emperor Bulblax: Pah, Nintendo's Kiddie.

Raging Long-Legs:_ (screaming so loud the room shakes)_ WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

Beady Long-Legs: Here's a tip: If you want to live, don't use the words Nintendo and Kiddy in the same sentence... EVER.

Emperor Bulblax: Mommy says never to listen to things without heads.

Beady Long-Legs: ...Look, a giraffe!

Emperor Bulblax: A what? _(looks)_

Beady Long-Legs: _(stomps on the Emperor)_

Emperor Bulblax: MOMMY, THE HEADLESS THING HURT ME!

Beady Long-Legs: It wasn't me, it was the Tooth Fairy!

Emperor Bulblax: MOMMY, THE TOOTH FAIRY HURT ME!

Widow Empress: _(is too busy daydreaming about nachos to notice)_

Survivor Bulborb: So... Am I here for no reason or what?

Raging Long-Legs: Tell me... for my sanity... Is my Game & Watch ok?

Survivor Bulborb: I will under one condition: Do you promise not to kill me as soon as you find out?

Raging Long-Legs: Um... Yeah... I guess...

Surivor Bulborb: Well in that case...

Raging Long-Legs: OUT WITH IT MAN!

Survivor Bulborb: _(breaks down_) IT WAS HORRIBLE MAN! There were these dudes who, like, just ran around tossing these obese Piks on us all over the place! Left and right we were all awoken from our posts when they came charging screaming. And we tried to follow your orders on attacking the Reds... But they were all red! We were outnumbered! So when they were carrying away the Game & Watch I took the smart path out and ran. Ran man! I wasn't going to be shrunk down into a Pikmin by that flying pyramid, man! MAN!

Raging Long-Legs: _(eyebrow twitches)_ Oh man... This war just got personal...

_(Beady Long-Legs makes a third mark on the "How many time Raging has twitched an eyebrow he doesn't have" list)_

Raging Long-Legs: _(puts on a an army helmet painted to look like Mario's hat and speaks in a drill sergeant-like voice)_ WE MUST FORM A MILITIA AGAINST THE PIKMIN! WE MUST RALLY OUR TROOPS TO HUNT DOWN THE PIKMIN AND KILL THEM ONE BY ONE UNTIL THEY ARE EXTINCT! AND I HAVE MY GAME & WATCH BACK!

Beady Long-Legs: Or we could just put a LOT of troops in the caves and wait to slaughter them there.

Raging Long-Legs: _(drill sergeant voice)_ THAT WORKS TOO!

Titan Dweevil: I'm just curious, why didn't you chase the Pikmin down after they woke you up?

Survivor Bulborb: Because they ran out of the invisible circle we guard, DUH! Wouldst thou defy the sacredness of the invisible circle of guardiness?

_(Burrowing Snagret starts bashing his head into a wall)_

Burrowing Snagret: We are all going to die...

Emperor Bulblax: PFFT, what tipped you off, genius?

Ranging Bloyster: Err... Thank you Survivor, you may leave...

Survivor Bulborb: YAY! I'm gonna take a trip to Ohio! _(leaves)_

Pileated Snagret: Hey, Raging, buddy, could I ask a quick question?

Raging Long-Legs: What?

Pileated Snagret: How exactly do you play that NES of yours? I mean, the controller is bigger than you are...and that's saying something.

Raging Long-Legs: Allow me to explain with a flashback.

Pileated Snagret: NOT A FLASHBACK! OH, THE HORROR!

FLASH

Raging Long-Legs: _(using legs to push buttons on an NES D-pad)_ Here comes the big ledge! Jump! JUMP!

Beady Long-Legs: _(on the A and B buttons)_ Um, uh...

_(Mario's "losing a life" tune is heard)_

Raging Long-Legs: ...Just push A. That's all I asked you to do. WHY DIDN'T YOU PUSH A?

Beady Long-Legs: I forgot!

FLASH

Pileated Snagret: ...How enlightening. Hey, it looks like the Crawbster has something to say!

Raging Long-Legs: Worst transition EVER.

Pileated Snagret: Shut up...Crawbster, your turn.

Segmented Crawbster: Well, I was thinking the other day-

Ranging Bloyster: OMG REALLY? It's the coming of the apocalypse! Segmented Crawbster actually thought! Run! Run!

_(Giant Breadbug enters, a little green in the face, slowly walking)_

Beady Long-Legs: Holy cow! Are you ok?

Giant Breadbug: Uhh... Yeah... Oogg... I haven't used the toilet in an entire day...

Titan Dweevil: Good Gravy!

Giant Breadbug: Please don't say gravy... Oww...

Pileated Snagret: Why haven't you used the toilet for a whole day?

Giant Breadbug: I've been trying to keep the light of day away from Waterwuss for as long as possible, and I want to crush him by eating as much as I can. I can't hold on much longer... I just need to eat one more thing... If only I knew what it was...

Waterwraith: LET ME OUT OF HERE! IT'S COLD AND DARK AND WET... Oh, wait, the wet part is me...BUT IT'S STILL COLD AND DARK!

Segmented Crawbster: Anyway, as I was saying, I was thinking the other day about-

Ranging Bloyster: There he goes again with the thinking! We're all gonna die!

Segmented Crawbster: If you do that again, I'm going to turn you into a pancake-

Giant Breadbug: That's it!

_(Giant Breadbug runs out of the room, and, in an instant, comes back with a pancake)_

Giant Breadbug: That's what was missing! _(begins eating and starts going back to normal)_

Pileated Snagret: You know, I won't even question the science behind pancakes curing upset stomachs.

Giant Breadbug: What? Haven't you seen the commercials?

Pileated Snagret: Um...no...

Giant Breadbug: Well, they go a little something like this... HIT IT, GUYS!

_(Raging Long-Legs, Beady Long-Legs, Burrowing Snagret, and Emperor Bulblax start dancing behind Giant Breadbug)_

Giant Breadbug: Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, UPSET STOMACH, DIARRHEA!

All: YAY, PANCAKE-BISMOL! _(dancing stops)_

Pileated Snagret: ...

Emperor Bulblax: Ok, what's this great idea you have, Segmented Lobster?

Segmented Crawbster: It's Crawbster.

Emperor Bulblax: 'Kay.

Segmented Crawbster: Anyway, I think we're going to need to decide which one of us is going to be the leader. It's obvious we can get nothing done acting according to our own whims. Does anybody have any ideas?

Titan Dweevil: Don't waste your breath praising me folks, I'll gladly be your lea-

Segmented Crawbster: I was thinking Raging Long-Legs is the best for the job.

_(Titan Dweevil enters a state of total shock_.)

Titan Dweevil: I-I'm So-sorry, What'd you just say? I couldn't hear you too well.

Segmented Crawbster: R-A-G-I-N-G L-O-N-G---L-E-G-S.

Titan Dweevil: Pardon, but I think there is something in my ear...

Segmented Crawbster: None of us have ears.

Widow Empress: I agree with Segmented Crawbster.

Titan Dweevil: Duh, Widow, we all agreed awhile ago that we all don't have ears.

Widow Empress: Not about that, but about Raging being a better leader. He was best friends with the Grand Emperor.

Pileated Snagret: And he does have the biggest cave.

Titan Dweevil: Aww come on! Only by one floor! My floors are, like... shinier... and stuff...

Burrowing Snagret: Stop being a poor sport, Titan.

Titan Dweevil: Poor sport? I'll have you all know that I can kill you all right here right now! Thus, I shall be your leader!

Giant Breadbug: _(stops eating pancake)_ Guys, just relax. It's only a matter of the leader. What's more important is us working together to beat the Pikmin, so we can all just kick back and do the best thing ever: Pig-out! YAY PIG-OUT!

_(Widow Empress glances at Giant Breadbug)_

Widow Empress: Wait a second... What is your favorite food?( It can't be nachos, which PWNs more than anything!)

Giant Breadbug: Nachos, DUH! That's like, the food of the gods!

_(Widow Empress sighs romantically as she pictures in her mind her and Giant Breadbug skipping toward each other in a field of flowers. Suddenly, Giant Breadbug stops with his eyes wide open as he gets crushed by Widow Empress.)_

_(Back in reality, Widow Empress is staring vacantly at Giant Breadbug)_

Giant Breadbug: Widow? Widow? OH NO! She's having a heart attack!

Beady Long-Legs: How can you tell?

Giant Breadbug: I have more cholesterol than anything else on the planet, so I would know what one looks like! Titan! Ready the Shock Therapist!

Titan Dweevil: Roger! CLEAR! (Heh heh, I like this part!)

_(As Titan Dweevil charges up the Shock Therapist, the Empress suddenly snaps out of it)_

Titan Dweevil: Aww, no shocky for me...

Giant Breadbug: Whew, I thought you were going to die or something.

Emperor Bulblax: Aww man... And I wanted to see mommy get roasted...

Raging Long-Legs: You are one really messed up kid, you know that?

_(Doodlebug runs into the room)_

Doodlebug: Not as messed up as me! Check it out! _(farts)_

Raging Long-Legs: AH! Who brought him here?

Giant Breadbug: _(whistles)_... What? I'm learning a new song!

Beady Long-Legs: I'm sorry Doodlebug, but you really don't belong here.

Doodlebug: But guys! Check out my latest fart! I call it... the FORTE FART!

Raging Long-Legs: THE WHAT-AY FART?

Beady Long-Legs: SPARE US THE FORTE FART, DOODLEBUG!

Doodlebug: TOO LATE!

_(Doodlebug lets out a gigantic fart that shakes the whole room and causes boulders to fall all over the place. A few land on MAL, and he wakes up and gets up. Everyone backs away slowly.)_

Doodlebug: _(spins around_) Hey! Wanna check out my latest fart? It's FART-TASTIC!

MAL: (Warning! Extreme odor detected! Prepare SUD gun!)

_(MAL starts firing SUDS at Doodlebug)_

Doodlebug: AHH! SUDS! Written in caps that makes them look like acronyms when they aren't! My weakness! Spare me!

_(Doodlebug runs out of the room screaming, but not before MAL makes him squeaky clean and free of gas)_

All except Titan: Ding, dong, the farts are dead, oh, ding, dong, the farts are dead...

Titan Dweevil: I have it! Why don't we all write down who we want to be leader, and put the name in a jar?

Widow Empress: That works.

_(time passes as the papers are placed in a jar. Titan Dweevil starts drawing the names from the jar)_

Titan Dweevil: Ok, who's the wise guy with the foot print?

Beady Long-Legs: Well I tried to write Raging Long-Legs, but it's kind of hard when you don't have, you know, HANDS!

Titan Dweevil: Ok, another foot print, it must be Raging's... Ok, some ashes... I guess I was too hard with the Shock Therapist when writing... Then there's a few covered in drool... Some more ashes... Two with random holes... One that has been flattened beyond belief... One with syrup stains all over it... Hey! There's one in writing!

Ranging Bloyster: Really? Who's it for?

Titan Dweevil: It's for me... But it's by a "Draslushee."

_(meanwhile, in the shadows)_

Ghostpikmin: Told you he'd notice your signature.

Draslushee: Titan Dweevil shall be the uberest of all! HE SHALL PWN ALL OF J00!

_(back in the main area)_

Raging Long-Legs: Probably some prankster, let's throw it out.

Titan Dweevil: Well, this is wonderful. Not a single ballot for anybody...

Burrowing Snagret: Just forget the secret ballot. Why don't we just call out Raging Long-Legs and Titan Dweevil, and if you want them to be the leader, just go psycho. Easy enough, right?

Titan Dweevil: Raging, I'll do you a favor by sparing you embarrassment and go first, so you don't look like a complete idiot. All for me?

_(Everyone is absolutely still. Emperor Bulblax is about to go psycho, looks around, and holds still too_.

Titan Dweevil: Maybe Burrowing didn't make it clear on exactly what you do when you vote for someone. When you want them to win, then you go psycho. Easy? All for me?

_(Everyone is perfectly still)_

Raging Long-Legs: What about me?

_(Everyone but Titan Dweevil goes nuts)_

Titan Dweevil: Bu... But... I have shiny weapons of PWNage...

Ranging Bloyster: Shut it, Titan. As of now, Raging Long-Legs is our leader! W00T!

Raging Long-Legs: Well... I don't really have a speech planned out-

Titan Dweevil: HAH! Another reason why he shouldn't be leader! I have mine memorized!

Pileated Snagret: Titan, we all hate you, and the only reason we even let you come to the meetings is because you have the weapons of PWNage.

Titan Dweevil: ...But the weapons pwn j00...

Pileated Snagret: We know, Titan. We know.

Raging Long-Legs: Anyway, I do have a plan on how to handle the Pikmin. We need to start putting outer defense on our holes on the surface, and make them elemental based on anything other than fire, because Reds are immune to them. So try to put as much water, electricity, and poison as you can all around you caves to make sure you aren't next. How does that sound?

Ranging Bloyster: Brilliant! Then, we can safely regroup and come up with a counter-offensive! All agree?

_(Everyone but Titan Dweevil agrees)_

Titan Dweevil: Your idea is really stupid!

Giant Breadbug: I actually thought it was great, what part is stupid?

Titan Dweevil: The part about him coming up with it! Only I can come up with the idea to stop them!

Raging Long-Legs: Riiiight... Well... This meeting is over! Until tomorrow night! See you all then!

_(Everyone leaves except Pileated Snagret, who chases after Burrowing Snagret)_

Pileated Snagret: Hey, Burrowing? You know, the Snagret Hole isn't that safe...

Burrowing Snagret: Nonsense! It's the safest place out there!

Pileated Snagret: Yeah, and coincidentally, it's where the Pikmin are headed next. You see, the completely passed The White Flower Garden because they didn't see it, but they did try to find a way to bust down the gate between themselves and the Snagret Hole. So, why don't we switch caves, so you can stay safe in my hole, and I can take the risk of them coming to your hole?

Burrowing Snagret: I dunno...

Pileated Snagret: Would I lie to you?

Burrowing Snagret: ...Yes.

Pileated Snagret: ...There's cheese in the my cave.

Burrowing Snagret: CHEESE! It seems highly unlikely, but...ah, behold the power of cheese...

Pileated Snagret: So we can switch caves for how long?

Burrowing Snagret: Until we find a way to destroy the Pikmin!

_(Burrowing Snagret leaves Pileated Snagret in the room)_

Pileated Snagret: Gosh, what a complete idiot! Hah! The outer defense of the Snagret Hole is unbeatable! Except, of course, for the parts that are beatable... ah, but those don't matter! TO THE SNAGRET-CAVE! ...Where's the theme music? ...Darn.

FIN

What will become of the bosses? Will they defeat the Pikmin or get completely pwned? Should I stop asking you all these questions? Should I just make random comments? TITAN DWEEVIL PWNZ ALL OF J00! PH33R HIM! ...Watch the next chapter and find out. YAY!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Seven Days After Two Days Before Three Days After Four Days Before Two Days After Six Days Before Today.  
-----------------------------

_(After the meeting, all the bosses return to their caves. During the day, an Antenna Beetle drops by the Shower Room.)_

Antenna Beetle: I have a message for a "Ranging Idiot...err Bloyster".

Watery Blowhog: He's on Floor 7, can't miss it.

_(Antenna Beetle goes to Floor 7 and finds Ranging Bloyster)_

Ranging Bloyster: What is it?

Antenna Beetle: I bring a message from a "The True Ruler of the... Err... Joe Mama! NOTE: I am NOT, and never will be, the Titan Dweevil, who totally PWNS." _(Takes out bomb rock)_ Let's see here, oh yes: "DIE YOU STUPID SLUG! BURN! BURN!. Throw bomb rock." Oh, that's me, sorry._ (Throws bombrock)_ Now what was I supposed to do? "Laugh evily." I haven't done this since college, but: MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ranging Bloyster: AH! A shiny bomb rock! It's time to go slow-mo!

_(Everything starts happening in slow motion, as Ranging Bloyster starts running away at 0.000001MPH. In slow motion, that's REALLY slow.)_

Ranging Bloyster: _(Still in slow-mo)_ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO _(deep breath)_ OOOOOOOOO...

_(After 2 hours of slow-mo running away, Ranging Bloyster makes it safely from the bomb, which still hasn't blown up)_

Ranging Bloyster: _(Stops slow-mo)_ Boy, that was a close call.

Antenna Beetle: Wait it says something else... "Goodbye you snail! Have fun in the afterlife! Run away." Oops, that was me again, sorry, I'm a new guy...

_(Antenna Beetle jumps in the air, hits the ceiling, and fall on the bombrock that blows up right when he lands on it.)_

Ranging Bloyster: I'm no genius, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't supposed to happen...

Antenna Beetle: Anyway, see you later DUDE! _(leaves)_

Ranging Bloyster: Who would want me dead though? Who would benefit? Oh man, this is a tough one...

_(Jeopardy theme starts playing as the Ranging Bloyster starts thinking)_

Ranging Bloyster: (Who hates me and would want me dead? Titan? Nah, he could just totally PWN me at any time, it can't be him... Speaking of Titan... What's for dinner? I hope its Mac and Cheese! That was yummy! ... Yummy! Maybe Giant Breadbug! Wait... No... He's anti-war hippee, he couldn't... That reminds me... I must prepare... "The Ham"... MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!... Boy, it sure is weird how I could laugh evilly in my thoughts... I wonder what else I can do... I know! I'll play tic-tac-toe! I call X's!)

_(Meanwhile, at Glutton's Kitchen...)_

_(Antenna Beetle lands and runs up to a Dwarf Bulbear)_

Antenna Beetle: Yeah, I'm looking for a "My dearest, sweetest, cutest, adorablest, Giant Breadbug"?

Dwarf Bulbear: Floor 6, you can't miss him.

_(Antenna Beetle goes to Floor 6 and finds the Giant Breadbug asleep)_

Antenna Beetle: What was it they taught us to do at the academy... Oh yeah! Roars

Giant Breadbug: _(still asleep)_ But mama, I don't want to eat desert...

Antenna Beetle: Umm... WAKE UP IMBECILE!

Giant Breadbug: _(still asleep)_ That went through one ear and out... Umm... Out the other thingy...

_(Doodlebug runs up to Antenna Beetle)_

Doodlebug: Hey mister! What are ya doing?

Antenna Beetle: Trying to wake this guy up. Any ideas?

Doodlebug: Oh, that's easy... Watch the masta! walks up to Gaint Breadbug FORTE FART! _(Lets out a huge fart as the room shakes and boulders fall all over the place. Giant Breadbug gets up and yawns)_

Giant Breadbug: Yeah? What's up?

Doodlebug: Some dude is here to see you. See ya later! _(vanishes in midair like all Doodlebug's mysteriously manage to pull off)_

Antenna Beetle: I have a message from a "Secret Admirer"... Well... To be honest... I'm going to need some help hauling it in...

Giant Breadbug: Just tell the breadbugs to do it, they can lift anything!

Antenna Beetle: Righto! _(leaves to the third floor of Glutton's Kitchen)_

Breadbug #1: Yeah?

Breadbug #2: What a second! It's my turn!

Breadbug #1: Nuhuh!

Breadbug #3529: Come on! This is my turn to say it!

Breadbug #17: No! It is my turn!

Antenna Beetle: Sorry for butting in, but why don't you all say it aat the same time?

Breadbug #25763: Excellent idea! Ready guys?

Breadbug #723: Uhh... I don't remember it...

Breadbug #4527: You idiot! You're supposed to say-

Breadbug #53928: ARE YOU CRAZY! You're about to say it right infront of our visitor!

Breadbug #723: Well, how can we all say it at once if I don't say it? That ain't fair!

Breadbug #74920: Yeah man! We're supposed to say it all at once!

Antenna Beetle: Listen, I really don't-

Breadbug #754231: Nonesense! We'll get it said! No worries!

Antenna Beetle: You all don't understand, I-

Breadbug #347: You mean to tell us we spend our whole lives telling everybody we're the nicest guys around when you tell us not to greet you? Are you mad?

Antenna Beetle: You have no idea...

Breadbug #7659: Guys Guys! Why don't we give it a nice sporting shoot eh?

Antenna Beetle: LISTEN HERE NOW! Giant Breadbug wants you all to skip the greeting from now on and help me carry stuff inside!

Breadbug #4576: I dunno, how can we trust you?

Antenna Beetle: Would a complete and utter stranger lie to you?

Breadbug #2: He's got a point guys! Let's do this!

Breadbug #3: snicker #2...

Breadbug #5: Don't get me started on what #3 means! Listen to what snicker #2 says and let's move!

_(15 minutes pass and Giant Breadbug walks in)_

Giant Breadbug: So, what was it that you needed to haul in?

_(Antenna Beetle points behind Giant Breadbug. He spins around a sees a gaint mountain consisting of nachos and chocolates)_

Giant Breadbug: _(holding back tears)_ It's... It's so beautiful! _(starts crying over Antenna Beetle's shoulder)_

Antenna Beetle: ... _(starts patting Giant Breadbug's back)_ Now now... It's going to be ok...

Giant Breadbug: _(burps)_ Thanks _(jumps into the mountain of food and starts eating)_

Antenna Beetle: Also, they wanted me to tell you to meet them on Floor 11 of Hole of Heroes.

Giant Breadbug: _(mouth full)_ mfffiiminne mgh mfh...

Antenna Beetle: Anyway, see you later DUDE! _(leaves)_

Giant Breadbug: (Gee, I wonder who my secret admirer is.. ignoring the only female at all the meetings and practically the only one I ever see who won't stop staring at me like I have an infestation. COME ON! Is eating a Puffstool such a crime? It's a delicacy man! That means it is delicious and its food! and food must be eaten, right? I mean, I bet she knows all sorts of things about cooking... Speaking of cooks, we need better cooks then these guys... They can't do anything right! They argue and argue amd argue amd... Hey look! A ham!)

_(Meanwhile, in the Subterranean Complex...)_

_(Antenna Beetle lands and runs up to a Careening Drigibug)_

Careening Drigibug: _(makes bomb-rock)_ Hey buddy...

Antenna Beetle: Yeah, I'm looking for a "My 2nd youngest bro, Man-At-Legs"?

Careening Drigibug: He's on Floor 9.

Antenna Beetle: Thanks!

Careening Drigibug: Wait a second, hey buddy, wanna see something cool?

Antenna Beetle: Yeah, sure!

Careening Drigibug: _(drops bomb-rock)_ There's some nice milk chocolate inside that bomb-err rock. Go ahead... Take a bite...

Antenna Beetle: I dunno... I have a strict schedule...

Careening Drigibug: C'mon man... Chocolate...

Antenna Beetle: Well... Umm... You see...

Careening Drigibug: Chocolate...Chocolate...Chocolate

All Careening Drigibugs: chanting Chocolate... Chocolate... Chocolate...

Antenna Beetle: I-Um... Eep...(C'Mon, think of something fast...)NOSEHAIR! (Ok, maybe not that fast...) I'M LACTOSE INTOLERANT! (BRILLIANT!)_(Runs off)_

_(Antenna Beetle lands on Floor 9 and spots MAL buried in the center like normal)_

Antenna Beetle: I Bring a message from "Your older, cooler, smarter, nerdier, bigger fan of Nintedo...

_(MAL starts rising)_

Antenna Beetle: _(doesn't notice)_... Who has the UBER awesome feet that you only dreamed of having and never will have...

_(MAL aims at Antenna Beetle)_

Antenna Beetle:_(still doesn't notice)_ ... And the current ruler of the world, Raging Long-Legs!" Anyway, he wanted me to tell you that-

_(MAL shoots Antenna Beetle)_

Antenna Beetle: AAHH! Emergency meeting tonight! Anyway, see you later DUDE! _(leaves)_

_(Meanwhile... Wait, your probably tired of all these "Meanwhile" Things and just want to see the meeting, right? So yeah... That night at the meeting...)_

Raging Long-Legs: Wow, you're pretty early today Ranging! What's up?

Ranging Bloyster: Well, someone here tried to kill me today, and I'm going to find out who!

Raging Long-Legs: No way!

Ranging Bloyster: Yeah, I know, hard to believe someone would want to kill little ole' me, right?

Raging Long-Legs: No, not that, I just bought a DS! W00T!

_(instead of chirping, the crickets stare at the PWNAGE that is the DS)_

Raging Long-Legs: Anyway, what was that you were saying?

Ranging Bloyster: Someone tried to kill me!

Raging Long-Legs: Really? Same here!

Ranging Bloyster: WOW! Who would want you dead?

Raging Long-Legs: I know! There's only one person here who hates me but I'm going to totally ignore him and say who wanted me dead? And my name isn't Geeky Long-Legs!

Ranging Bloyster: Ok, let's thing about this for a second: There are only three caves that have acsess to the messengers. Titan, your cave, and Pileated.

Raging Long-Legs: I wouldn't want to kill myself... I'm betting Pileated, with those shifty eyes and all...

Ranging Bloyster: Let's compare how they enter, then decide who done it.

Raging Long-Legs: Good idea! By the way, you brought the ham right? Giant Breadbug refused to come unless he got a free ham.

Ranging Bloyster: Oh, I brought it all right... MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Raging Long-Legs: ... I really don't see what's so funny about a ham...

Ranging Bloyster: Huh? I said that out-loud? That was supposed to be in my head!

Raging Long-Legs: Wait, I don't see a-?

Ranging Bloyster: Don't get me started on heads, ok?

_(Titan Dweevil enters)_

Titan Dweevil: Hello guy who claims to be the Ruler of the Shiny Stuff when they really aren't. Hello guy who's the leader when I really should be the leader.

Pileated Snagret: _(enters)_ What's Happenin' Y'all?

Ranging Bloyster: Oh yeah, it is definatly Pileated.

_(Widow Empress and Emperor Bulblax enter)_

Emperor Bulblax: But mommy! Where do babies really come from?

Widow Empress: For the hundreth time, they come from my butt!

Emperor Bulblax: I want the truth!

_(MAL and Beady Long-Legs enter)_

Beady Long-Legs: Sorry I'm later than usual, but somebody _(glares at MAL)_ had to shoot the messenger!

MAL: _(falls asleep)_

Segmented Crawbster: _(enters)_ Please tell me that this meeting is actually worth my time...

Giant Breadbug: _(runs in)_ Where's da ham! I came here understanding that there will be a nice ham!

Ranging Bloyster: Here you go. _(hands Giant Breadbug the ham)_ It was made especially for you... MUHUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Giant Breadbug: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!

Ranging Bloyster: ... You weren't supposed to laugh, you were supposed to shrug and say "A ham's a ham!" then start to eat it!

Giant Breadbug: Oh, you mean like this? _(ahem)_ _(shrugs)_ A ham's a ham! _(starts eating ham, and finishes)_

Raging Long-Legs: Terrible news folks, Lord Burrowing was killed by the Pikmin, so Pileated will now be known as Lord Pileated.

Pileated Snagret: WOOT!... Err, I mean, poor soul...

Emperor Bulblax: I have a question... Why are we all here? What sets us apart from the rest? Why are we all special, especially me who is extra-special?

Widow Empress: I'm the wife of the now dead Grand Emperor... Yeah...

Beady Long-Legs: I'm Man-At-Legs' and Raging Long-Legs' youngest brother... Yep...

Emperor Bulblax: Mommy says I'm special!

Giant Breadbug: I am the founder of FAF, Families Against Fighting, and I totally control half of the food on the planet!

Pileated Snagret: Well, I used to be second in command watching over the land and making sure it is healthy and all, but now I'm number one! YAY!

MAL: _(creaks)_

Beady Long-Legs: Yeah, my brother has a gun that totally PWNs feet.

Raging Long-Legs: No it doesn't!

Ranging Bloyster: I'm the elected leader of all the small, insignificant families. Together, we rule!

_(suddenly, Titan Dweevil's Monster Pump starts running)_

Ranging Bloyster: You hear that? It sounds like a thousand waterfalls! Gallons and gallons of water, pounding in an endless flow...

Titan Dweevil: Sorry about that _(Monster Pump stops)_ the darn thing keep messing up on me!

Giant Breadbug: (Must... Resist... Urge...)

Ranging Bloyster: Guys! I just remembered I had to go do something! I gotta go gotta go gotta go right now... Gotta go gotta go gotta GO!

Giant Breadbug: Hold that thought, because I GOTTA GO NOW! _(runs out of the room)_

_(Everyone is silent as the room shakes violently and they hear a giant explosion)_

Giant Breadbug: So sorry about that, where were we?

Waterwraith: _(walks in, yellowish with some brown)_ FREEDOM! I praise the air! HAHAHAH! The light! The light!

Ranging Bloyster: (YES! IT WORKED!) HAH! Titan, that's 4 votes to your 3. I am officially the Ruler of the Shiny Stuff!

All but Titan: _(while putting crown on Ranging Bloyster's head)(singing)_ For he's a jolly good Ruler of the Shiny Stuff! For he's a jolly good Ruler of the Shiny stuff! For he's a jolly good Ruler of the Shiny Stuuuuuuuuuuuff that nobody can deny!

Titan Dweevil: Except me! I deny him!

Waterwraith: Boy, its good to be back!

Titan Dweevil: Hey Waterwuss, why don't you go down to the nearest lake and drown yourself?

Waterwraith: Ummm... I kinda made of water...

Titan Dweevil:... Someone get a sponge.

Ranging Bloyster: Anyway, we were going around saying the reason why we're at the meetings, it is your turn Waterwuss.

Waterwraith: I founded the home for the exiles, also known as the Submerged Castle!

Giant Breadbug: Your cave is so wet! There are puddles all over the place!

Waterwraith: Yeah, some of them have crying fits.. and well... That's why it is submerged...

Segmented Crawbster: I am taken from my awesome life to hang with you losers because I am the leader of the Grand Emperor's armed forces!

Raging Long-Legs: I am friends with every single family, and I was best friends with the Grand Emperor! I have the largest cave, and one of younger brothers can shoot stuff! I also the new leader!

Titan Dweevil: The weapons! They PWN j00!

Doodlebug: _(runs in)_ And I'm the annoying kid who runs in here and interrupts the meetings to show everyone my newest farts! Like the new, awesome, FUNKY FART!

_(Doodle bug farts and a disco ball appears from nowhere. Everyone goes disco style, grows an afro, and goes funky for about 15 minutes. That is, everyone but Titan Dweevil, who is staring at the disco ball with hearts all around his eyes)_

Titan Dweevil: _(walks up to disco ball)_ So...Umm... Do you like to sniff cheese?

Disco ball: (I'm a freakin' disco ball! I can't talk!)

Titan Dweevil: You're looking absolutley fabulous...

Disco ball: (I don't like that look punk, back off Jack!)

Titan Dweevil: Want to check out my cave? It's very cozy...

Disco ball: (Oh, if only I had a fist for just five seconds... FIVE SECONDS!)

_(Everything goes back to normal except Titan Dweevil who is stroking the Disco ball)_

Titan Dweevil: My preciooouuss...

Disco ball: (This guy puts the insane in... INSANE!)

Raging Long-Legs: Back to the point, Lord Burrowing-

Beady Long-Legs: Lord Burrowing was an idiot. He stayed right where it was obvious the Pikmin were headed next. He refused to use other elements other then fire, and those few poison jets were stupidly placed. He also had very few guards! We should be asking how couldn't he die!

Pileated Snagret: You're just saying that because you live in the Perplexing Pool!

Beady Long-Legs: DUH! The Pikmin aren't even close, and they won't be for a long time! We here are as safe as can be!

Raging Long-Legs: Well, we got all the issues straightened out, so we can go-

Segmented Crawbster: YAY!

Raging Long-Legs: As soon as we are sure Titan Dweevil isn't insane.

Segmented Crawbster: BOO!

Raging Long-Legs: Ok, I will ask you one question Titan, and if you get it right, we can all go, if not, we stay here for three hours.

Titan Dweevil: Calm down.. Calm down... I'm not insane... I'm not insane... (Yes you are.) AHHH! WHO ARE YOU?

Raging Long-Legs: Correct! That is Nintendo's new slogan! Meeting is over!

_(As everyone leaves, Raging Long-Legs and Ranging Bloyster run up to Pileated Snagret)_

Raging Long-Legs: We know what you did yesterday...

Pileated Snagret: (No they don't! They can't know!) Really?

Ranging Bloyster: Yeah! You never filled out a ballot!

Pileated Snagret : (phew) Yeah, I couldn't.

Raging Long-Legs: We also know that you killed Lord Burrowing by tricking him into staying in your cave, isn't that right?

Pileated Snagret: (AH! How'd they know?) I honestly thought the Pikmin were heading elsewhere! Honest!

Ranging Bloyster: Right, well, if you slip up one more time, you get the boot!

Pileated Snagret: NO! Not that! Have mercy!

Raging Long-Legs:_ (looking at a large, dirty, smelly, worn out boot)_ Oh yeah, you have to stay in that your whole life! So no more slip-ups, no more murders, and we're all happy, got it?

Pileated Snagret: Yeah... Yeah! _(leaves)_

Ranging Bloyster: You see how nervous he was? He had to be the one behind it!

Raging Long-Legs: Yeah, but he still doesn't know we're on to him! I can't wait to get him back!

FIN

Will Raging Long-Legs and Ranging Bloyster catch the person who sent the bombs? Will Pileated Snagret slip up again? Will Doodlebug create an awesome new fart in time for the next meeting? Will Titan Dweevil ever become the Ruler of the Shiny Stuff? Find out... Some time during the fic. You know, I have no idea if we'll ever find out some of these... Ok, I'll shut up and get to work on the next chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

---------------------------  
Chapter 4: The day after yesterday's tomorrow's day before five days after three days after the week before yesterday.   
---------------------------

_(Two hours after the meeting Giant Breadbug finally makes it to the very front gates of Hole of Heroes.)_

Hermit Crawmad: What do you want?

Giant Breadbug: I have an appointment in Hole of Heroes, floor 11.

Hermit Crawmad: _(laughs)_ I don't suppose you have a guide, do you?

Giant Breadbug: Err... I was pretty sure I wasn't going to need one.

Hermit Crawmad: Well, we do have guides for sale... But it is going to cost you a small fee.

Giant Breadbug: Oh, ok! What is it?

Hermit Crawmad: One nacho!

Giant Breadbug: BLASPHEMY! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE IT ALIVE! _(Mouth starts foaming)_

Hermit Crawmad: _(shrugs)_ Help yourself gate is lowered But I warned you... You might spend your whole live in that cave...

Giant Breadbug: Oh yeah? Why's that?

Hermit Crawmad: It's because of the... _(dramatic music plays)_ Morphagig! _(thunder strikes in the background, frying the record player dramatic music ends)_ OH DARN IT! That stupid lightning bolt ruins my scam every time! How am I going to get rich when it keeps busting my record player?

Giant Breadbug: Listen, just how big could this single cave be? I'll be in and out in no time, you'll see! _(runs down the path and enters the Hole of Heroes)_

Hermit Crawmad: I guess they finally gotten around to installing a cafeteria... Must've run out of bread or something.

_(Meanwhile, at the Dream Den.)_

Titan Dweevil: _(showing the Disco Ball around his floor)_ It's a real comfy place and I know you'll enjoy your stay.

Disco Ball: (Great... Just great... I get to spend the rest of my existence with this lunatic)

Titan Dweevil: You're purdy.

Disco Ball: ( Wo-wwait a second... What are you doing?)

Titan Dweevil: I think I'll go... Turn off the lights...

Disco Ball: (Oh no! _(shrieks in terror)_)

_(Back at the Hole of Heroes, floor 1...)_

Giant Breadbug: _(stomach growls)_ I'm hungry... _(spots three sunflowers sticking out of the ground)_ Nothing like some flowers as a snack! _(takes a bite out of the middle flower)_ This tastes funny.

Creeping Chrysanthemum: _(emerges)_ AHH! Leggo my neck!

Giant Breadbug: Why?

Creeping Chrysanthemum: For I am the mighty, all knowing, Creeping Chrysanthemum!

Giant Breadbug:... The Creeping Candycane?

Creeping Chrysanthemum: NO! The Creeping Chrysanthemum!

Giant Breadbug: That's what I said! The Creeping Cookie Monster!

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Ok, let's practice saying it: The Creeping.

Giant Breadbug: The Creeping.

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Chrys.

Giant Breadbug: Chrys.

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Anth.

Giant Breadbug: Anth.

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Emum.

Giant Breadbug: Emum.

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Now say it all together!

Giant Breadbug: The Creeping Crybaby!

Creeping Chrysanthemum: You know what? Forget the name. Just know that you aren't supposed to eat me.

Giant Breadbug: And why is that?

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Because I'm a living thing! And it's a crime to kill something!

Giant Breadbug: You see, normally I'd agree with you, but it isn't considered killing if you eat a sunflower. You are a plant, correct?

Creeping Chrysanthemum: I am, BUT, I have feelings, unlike most other ones.

Giant Breadbug: My point was that you are a plant, and that is all that matters. So hold still while I break your neck-

Creeping Chrysanthemum: You mean stem.

Giant Breadbug: Yes, that's right, your stem, so I may feast on the gluttony that is your body.

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Are you calling me fat, punk?

Giant Breadbug: You have got to be the fattest thing in this cave!

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Well, I was the second largest, but since you entered, I've been third!

Sheargrubs: OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH! BURN!

Giant Breadbug: That's it. It ends here, and it ends now. Bring it pencil-neck!

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Look who's talking no-neck!

Sheargrubs: OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH! DOUBLE-BURN!

Giant Breadbug: You're next!

Creeping Chrysanthemum: What are you waiting for punk? Put your big, freakishly huge mouth where your money is!

Giant Breadbug: YAHHHHHH! _(Rams into Creeping Chrysanthemum's belly knocking him to the ground)_

Creeping Chrysanthemum: AHH! Get me up! I knew I should've bought those legs at the store!

Giant Breadbug: _(jumps on Creeping Chrysanthemum's face and gets a death-grip on his stem)_ How 'bout them muffins?

Creeping Chrysanthemum: Err... Mercy?

Giant Breadbug: Too late! _(tears off Creeping Chrysanthemum's mouth, causing the entire body to vanish except the mouth)_ WHAT? This is such a rip-off! Oh well, I bet the mouth tastes good. _(takes bite)_ YUCK! It's all spiky and stuff! Forget you man, you taste horrible!

Sheargrub: Uhh... You already killed him...

Giant Breadbug: Nobody insults me! Got it? Lest ye wants to be eaten by the master of mouths!

Sheargrubs: By the way, we weren't booing at you. You were awesome man. Yeah... Awesome...

Giant Breadbug: Not that it matters. I have an important appointment on Floor 11. See you later! _(leaves)_

Sheargrub #1: Do you think he's gonna make it?

Sheargrub #7: Nah... Maybe... That was some display of courage back there. Maybe he has what it takes to reach the goal...

_(Meanwhile, at the Bulblax Kingdom...)_

Fiery Bulblax: _(Walks into Emperor Bulblax's room)_ Sir? There is something very important I have to tell you.

Emperor Bulblax: _(too busy singing)_ MIGHTY MORPHING MONKEY MEN! What'cha gonna do, when they poo on j00? MIGHTY MORPHING MONKEY MEN! _(notices Fiery Bulblax)_ OHH! Story time already?

Fiery Bulblax: No, but the security is getting angry. They believe they are getting underpaid and they are getting no breaks.

Emperor Bulblax: Daddy said to show them punks who is boss! If I start changing my policies, they'll get the better of me!

Fiery Bulblax: Listen here: Either you give us good working conditions, or we quit! You are running us crazy with these insane shifts! You know full well the Pikmin won't attack at night!

Emperor Bulblax: The Pikmin? Who cares about the Pikmin? Night-time is when all the REAL bad guys attack!

Fiery Bulblax: Like...?

Emperor Bulblax: Like the Sandman, The tooth fairy, The boogie man, Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny... Are you writing these down?

Fiery Bulblax: You know that they all don't-

Emperor Bulblax: They exist I say! I know they do! THE INTERNET NEVER LIES!1!1!11!1ONE+ONE!111111!

Fiery Bulblax: So what if they do, there's no reason for the pesticide squad to be working the triple-shift!

Emperor Bulblax: What about Cooties huh? I'm young and weak, one cootie germ is enough to kill me!

Fiery Bulblax: What about your mom? Why doesn't she have cooties?

Emperor Bulblax: Because she's too old! And she's already outlived the cooties!

Fiery Bulblax: But to the point, we need more supplies, and other things.

Emperor Bulblax: HA! Well maybe you should've thought about that before you became my guards!

Fiery Bulblax: Sir? You commanded us to be your guards, we had no say in it!

Emperor Bulblax: Cotton Cubes! You could leave me here and now, you always knew that!

Fiery Bulblax: FINE! Then I'll leave you along with nearly all of your guards!

Emperor Bulblax: PAH! See if I care! I can survive on my own, I'm a strong guy! Just like my father!

Fiery Bulblax: That's exactly what your dad said before he got killed.

Emperor Bulblax: _(gasp)_ What did you just say?

Fiery Bulblax: Your dad's dead kid, accept it.

Emperor Bulblax: _(cries)_ You mean he didn't just take an all expense paid one way trip to Montana? _(throws temper tantrum)_

Fiery Bulblax: Um... Ok...

Emperor Bulblax: You're fired punk! Leave!

Fiery Bulblax: Is that supposed to be some sort of cruel, sick joke! Why, I never! I'm leaving for good! _(leaves)_

Emperor Bulblax: ... Was my mom lying to me all along? Is everything she told me a lie? _(opens family album and looks at various pictures. In all of them Widow Empress is in the corner eating a pile of food)_... Well I'll be if I sit here like a wuss! I'm going to go and find the truth! Ace detective Emperor Bulblax... AWAY! _(runs into wall)_ I knew that! _(runs out of the cave)_

_(Meanwhile, Hole of Heroes, Floor 2.)_

Giant Breadbug: _(crawling along the floor)_ Haven't eaten in... 30 seconds... Need... Fat and malnurishment...

Antenna Beetle: _(drops in)_ YO! I have another package for a "Geeky Long-Legs". You know where I could find him?

Giant Breadbug: I can be the Geeky dude if that package has food in it.

Antenna Beetle: Err... It's just a moldy cookie!

Giant Breadbug: GREAT! I'm this Geeky Long-Legs! The guy that sent it is a good friend of mine!

Antenna Beetle: You mean "I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU CHOKE AND DIE YOU STUPID FACE-LACKING FREAK!" Is your best pal?

Giant Breadbug: Yeah sure whatever. GIMME COOKIE! _(eats the cookie, and suddenly turns green)_

Antenna Beetle: Are you alright dude?

Giant Breadbug:... Quick... Pancake-Bismol... Please...

Antenna Beetle: Umm... I don't have any...

Giant Breadbug: GAH! Get me on the third floor! Fast!

Antenna Beetle: It's dead ahead!

Giant Breadbug! Thanks! Get out of here while you still can, this is going to be ugly...

Antenna Beetle: Anyway, see you later dude! _(leaves)_

Giant Breadbug: _(jumps in Floor 3)_ Everybody out NOW! Unless you want to die a painful death, get moving!

Watery Blowhog: Why?

Giant Breadbug: I've got really bad gas and I'm afraid I'm going to use it!

Withery Blowhog: Please, like a fart is going to kill us. Bring it one man!

Puffy Blowhog: Yeah! Bring it!

Giant Breadbug: _(sigh)_ Don't say I didn't warn you... _(after he farts, there is a great flash of light, and then the room shakes violently. Everything falls to the floor dead.)_ I really need to learn how to control my gas. Oh well, I warned them and they didn't believe me, not my bad.. _(whistles and enters Floor 4)_

_(Meanwhile, in the Submerged Castle.)_

Yellow Wollywog: SIR! SIR! You HAVE to check this thing out!

Waterwraith: You just interrupted my hourly temper-tantrum. This had better be good.

Yellow Wollywog: Well, you see sir, me and the others were checking out the tunnels when we came across the strangest thing... You better see for yourself... _(shows Waterwraith two large stone rollers)_ These things were so odd, we thought you might be interested...

Waterwraith: _(jumps on the rollers and runs over stuff)_ WOAH! This is cool! I never used to be able to run over stuff! Finally! My patience has paid off! Soon my enemies will know a new meaning to the word "revenge". ... And "road kill"... And "pancakes"... And "STREAMROLLER'D"... MUHUHA-

Anode Beetle: Do you mind? I'm trying to cry myself to sleep here!

Waterwraith: Oh, sorry... _(INSERT EVIL LAUGHING HERE.)_

_(Meanwhile, in the Cavern of Chaos.)_

Segmented Crawbster: _(wakes up suddenly)_ AHH!

Gatling Groink: What's wrong?

Segmented Crawbster: I just had a feeling that something horrible just happened...

Gatling Groink: Well, just go back to sleep.

Segmented Crawbster: I don't think I can... Can you get me some warm milk?

Gatling Groink: (Why oh why do I do this for a living?) _(hands warm milk)_ There you go, and don't forget your Pikmin plushie! _(hands it to Segmented Crawbster)_

Segmented Crawbster: _(drinks milk and snuggles with Pikmin plushie)_ Thanks. _(is about to go to sleep, but eyes open again)_ Oh, and you know what I'll do to you if you tell anyone about this, right?

Gatling Groink: Kill me and wait for me to heal so you can kill me again and again to make my life a never ending typhoon of pain and misery?

Segmented Crawbster: Bingo. _(Snuggles with Pikmin plushie and goes to sleep)_

Gatling Groink: (This has got to be the most disturbing thing I have ever seen)

_(Meanwhile, at the Hole of Heroes, Floor 4.)_

Giant Breadbug: Huh... Nothing horrible about this place, just a giant indentation in the center. I should-

Pileated Snagret #2: _(surfaces)_ HA! Where do you think you're going?

Giant Breadbug: To Floor 11.

Pileated Snagret #2: Oh... Umm... No way fatty!

Giant Breadbug: And you are...?

Pileated Snagret #2: Pileated Snagret #2, and my partner in... Stuff... Burrowing Snagret #2!

Burrowing Snagret #2: Yo.

Giant Breadbug: _(rolls on the floor laughing)_ You're both #2! Hahahahaha!

Burrowing Snagret #2: Kill him?

Pileated Snagret #2: Kill him.

Giant Breadbug: Uh-Oh...

Burrowing Snagret #2: spaghetti-O!

Pileated Snagret #2: Eat beak! _(starts chasing Giant Breadbug around)_

Giant Breadbug: (Wait, if I leap the gap, that will stall them long enough for me to get through! W00TAGE!) _(runs toward hole in the center)_

Burrowing Snagret #2: _(surfaces in the center of the pit)_ Going somewhere?

Giant Breadbug: I can do this! YAH! _(slow-mo)__(Giant Breadbug leaps into the air, but only goes half an inch and starts rolling down the hole as slow-mo stops)_ Aww Wheaties... _(rolls down and hits Burrowing Snagret #2 straight in the face, stunning him)_ W00T! _(starts running out of the hole)_

Pileated Snagret #2: Why do I have to work with an idiot? _(leaps into the hole)_

Burrowing Snagret #2: _(is snapping back)_ Oh, that punk is- _(looks up)_ Awww man... _(gets smashed by Pileated Snagret #2)_ AHH! You're letting him get away!

Pileated Snagret #2: I am? You're the idiot who let him pass by without a fight!

Burrowing Snagret #2: Hey, just because you have a foot doesn't make you better than me! That's one more part of you that smells!

Pileated Snagret #2: SILENCE! _steps on Burrowing Snagret #2's face_

Giant Breadbug: Almost... At... Freedom... huff... _(runs out of the hole and dashes towards the tunnel that leads to the next floor)  
_

Pileated Snagret #2: AHH! _(is gaining on Giant Breadbug)_

Giant Breadbug: _(slides into the tunnel at last minute, causing Pileated to ram his head straight into it)_ HA! IN YOUR FACE!

Pileated Snagret #2: Grr... _(burrows)_

Giant Breadbug: Yeah you'd better start burrowing! Punk...

Pileated Snagret #2: _(head surfaces right behind Giant Breadbug)_ Miss me? _(starts pecking at him)_

Giant Breadbug: I've had enough of you! Check this out! _(rams into wall, causing a boulder to fall on Pileated Snagret #2's face)_

Pileated Snagret #2: Ouch... I give... burrows

Giant Breadbug: W00T! _(proceeds to Floor 5)_ Dang... I'm sleepy _(notices a Bulbmin)_

Bulbmin: AHHH! I need help! AHHH! The voices in my head! Make 'em stop!

Giant Breadbug: Why don't you go to where they are holding a meeting? There are lot's of smart people at meetings.

Bulbmin: Huh... Never thought of that... _(leaves)_

Giant Breadbug: (gee... I hope I'm not missing any meetings they might be having... But I really need to thank whoever sent me that mountain of food... Hey, is that a nacho? One nacho... Two nachos... Three nachos... Four nachos... ZZZZZZZZzzzz)

FIN

_(Will Giant Breadbug make it to Floor 11? Will Segmented Crawbster's horrible secret ever get out? Will Waterwraith get revenge on those who wronged him? Will we have the answers to these questions by the end of the fic? Find out... By the end of the fic!)_


	5. Chapter 5

------------  
Chapter 5: Revenge is a Dish Best Served with Streamrollers.  
------------

Giant Breadbug:_ (wakes up) _Oh no! I slept in! Wait... No... I have nothing to worry about, it's not like they'd just spontaneously have a meeting without me. To Floor 11! _(jumps to Floor 6)_

Water Dumple: HALT!

Giant Breadbug: Huh?

Water Dumple: No one can pass this place if they just ate!

Giant Breadbug:... But... I always just ate...

Water Dumple: Well, then you're going to have to wait a whole hour. You don't want to get a cramp and drown, do you?

Giant Breadbug: An hour... WITHOUT FOOD!?

Water Dumple: That's the only way you're getting through. Sorry buddy, regulations.

Giant Breadbug: Don't "That's the only way you're getting through. Sorry buddy, regulations" Me punk! I HAVE to get to Floor 11!

Water Dumple: Well, you can't leave either, the gyeser is one the other side too. Looks like you'll have to go for an hour without eating.

Giant Breadbug: Oh Poopie. _(waits)_

_(Let's take a break from the Giant Breadbug for just a hot second (or hour) and take a peek at yet another meeting that was called that very same day. Sheesh, they're calling a lot of these meetings, aren't they?)_

Segmented Crawbster: _(yawns)_ Blah blah blah... Why did you drag me out of my life... blah blah blah... YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR THIS!

Titan Dweevil: Don't fear, for the magic Disco Ball is here!

Pileated Snagret: Titan?

Titan Dweevil: Yes?

Pileated Snagret: That's just Doodlebug's Disco Ball. With a wizard's hat glued to it.

Disco Ball: (SOMEBODY PLEASE! KILL ME NOW! END MY SUFFERING!)

Ranging Bloyster: Ugh, what is taking Raging so long?

Widow Empress: What say you, Spider-with-Gun-that-PWNs?

MAL: _(creak)_ (Activate sleep mode.)

Emperor Bulblax: (I know mommy is lying to me, and I'll prove it too! I just have to wait for the right moment! Soon, the truth will be revealed!) _(shifty eyes)_

Segmented Crawbster: Great, now we are all bored again. Waterwuss, do something stupid like you always do.

Ranging Bloyster: Waterwuss, you still have to pay for the bed you wet!

Waterwraith: What!?

Ranging Bloyster: We were kind enough to lend you a guest bed and what's that? You have a bad dream and you wet yourself!

Waterwraith: I'm made of water!

Ranging Bloyster: Oh yeah? Prove it.

Waterwraith: I am.

Ranging Bloyster: Well, that solves that mystery.

Segmented Crawbster: Hey, how many Waterwuss's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Ranging Bloyster: I don't know, how many?

Segmented Crawbster: None! He's to scared to touch one!

Ranging Bloyster: HA! What an idiot!

Waterwraith: You know what Ranging, I'm getting sick of you making fun of me.

Ranging Bloyster: Awww... I huwt his feewings!

Waterwraith: The world has a way of making jerks like you get your pay for how you acted to people like me.

Ranging Bloyster: If that's the case, what's taking it so long huh? Maybe the world is on my side!

Waterwraith: Or maybe not. _(rock pillars fall from the sky and he jumps on them)_ THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST REVENGE EVA!

Ranging Bloyster: Holy COW! O-O Waterwuss, where'd you find those?

Waterwraith: I'm making some new rules around here. If you call me Waterwuss one more time, you'll be flatter than a pancake.

Segmented Crawbster: Talk about originality. You totally stole my line.

Waterwraith: Shut it or you're next!

Segmented Crawbster: Do you think I'm afraid of you? I'm still bigger than you, so I can still run you over. Ranging Bloyster on the other hand, have fun.

Ranging Bloyster: WHAT!? I thought we were best friends!

Segmented Crawbster: Nah, I'm with Waterwuss-

Waterwraith: Wraith!

Segmented Crawbster:- wraith on this one. You have been a big jerk and took it way too far.

Ranging Bloyster: Does... This mean... We're through? _(holds back tears)_

Segmented Crawbster: Yes. From now on, you sleep on the couch. _(soap opera music plays)_

Ranging Bloyster: _(cries)_ After all we did together!? I thought what we had was special!

Segmented Crawbster: When it come down to it, a streamroller beats a snail. By a long shot.

Waterwraith: WOOOT! I'm in! In your face, Ranging... BUFFOON!

Ranging Buffoon: But But- HEY! Don't you start on me too!

GP: Sorry, couldn't resist _(vanishes)_

Ranging Bloyster: Anyway, as I was-

Titan Dweevil: Say, where is his face?

Pileated Snagret: Seriously Waterwraith, where can you put the thing that was supposed to be in his face if he doesn't really have one?

Waterwraith: Ok, how about in that rose thing on his butt?

All the other bosses: _(nodding in agreement)_ Yeah, that works fine.

Ranging Bloyster: One day, I will get you back for this Crawbster! If it isn't me, it will be someone else! But somebody will take my place, and I will have my revenge! One day, if it is not I who punishes, someone shall! And at that instant, you will know it was me! It was me whom you cursed so much these past 5 minutes! I shall get my revenge! For my revenge is near, because-

Waterwraith: FOR THE LOVE OF LAWN ORNAMENTS, WE GOT IT! _(runs Ranging Bloyster over)_

Ranging Bloyster: Ok... I'll just sit here and try to stay conscious with all this pain... OUCH...

Raging Long-Legs _(Enters)_ Why- Those little... ERGH...

Pileated Snagret: What's wrong?

Raging Long-Legs: Deep easy breaths... Find the happy place...

Segmented Crawbster: Out with it man!

Raging Long-Legs: THEY KILLED HIM! THOSE DARN PIKS KILLED MY BROTHER AND HIS NOT-AS-GREAT-AS-MINE FEET! I'M GONNA THROW THEM OFF A DRAWBRIDGE INTO A PIT OF LAVA! I"M GOING TO SLICE AND DICE THEM WITH A TIME-TRAVELING SWORD! I'M GONNA EAT ONE, BECOME ONE, THEN KILL THEM ALL!

Pileated Snagret: Woah, calm do-

Raging Long-Legs: I'M GOING TO TEAR OUT THEIR BEADY LITTLE EYES AND FEED THEM TO MY MEXICAN GOATS! _(mouth starts foaming)_

Ranging Bloyster: ... And I though him twitching an eye was something...

Titan Dweevil: _(clears throat) (takes out shiny glove) (walks right in front of Raging) (slaps)_

Raging Long-Legs: o-0

Titan Dweevil: _(slaps four more times) (puts away glove and walks away)_

Raging Long-Legs: Whew, thanks Titan.

Titan Dweevil: No prob.

Bulbmin: _(runs in) _AHH! STOP THE VOICES! AHHH!!!

Waterwraith: Why don't you ask Titan? He's a master when it comes to voices talking in his head.

Titan Dweevil: Har Har (ROTFL)... Ok...

_(Bulbmin looks up and sees a Pikmin with Devil horns holding a trident)_

Devil Pik: KILL THEM ALL! MUHUHAHAHA! YOU ARE UNDER MY CONTROL NOW!

_(Bulbmin looks the other way and sees a Bulborb with a halo and a harp)_

Angel Bulborb: No! You must do what is right! Kill the Pikmin scum!

Devil Pik: NO! YOU HAVE TO KILL ALL YOUR FRIENDS AND CARRY THEM BACK TO YOUR ONION, **SINGING**, AND THEN DEVOUR THEM!

Angel Bulborb: Listen to what your heart says!

Bulbmin: Umm... _(mouth twitches)_

Devil Pik: I KNOW YOUR HUNGRY FOR SOME GOOD OL' BULBORB! LET'S GO HUNTING!

Angel Bulborb: Can you please go easy on the CAPs? It's really annoying my eyes.

Devil Pik: WHY DON'T YOU TRY TO MAKE ME, PUNK!?

Angel Bulborb: _(eats Devil Pik)_ Boy that was easy.

Bulbmin: Is it... Is it over?

Angel Bulborb: _(grows horns)_ FAR FROM IT! MUHUHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Bulbmin: EEEEEP! faints

Titan Dweevil: Someone call the Bulborbs in the White Coats.

Emperor Bulblax: OOH! Are they going to bring the comfy jacket and the fun pills?

Widow Empress: Of course honey. _(smiles)_

Emperor Bulblax: YAY!

Ranging Bloyster: Wait a second... Something is missing...

Segmented Crawbster: YEAH! Where's the reference to ham? Where's Giant?

Raging Long-Legs: We can't seem to locate him. It seems the Pikmin got him too...

Widow Empress: _(gasp)_

Pileated Snagret: _(silent)_

Doodlebug: _(farts)_

Segmented Crawbster: _(silent)_

Emperor Bulblax: _(does taxes while smoking cigar)_

Widow Empress: _(whacks Emperor) _No smoking! How dare you!?

Emperor Bulblax: But Mommy! The Tooth Fairy said I'd be cool if I got lung cancer!

Pileated Snagret: _(shifty eyes)_

Ranging Bloyster: Hey Doodlebug! Get out of here NOW!

Doodlebug: Aww, come on guys! I just wanted to show you my newest fart! I call it... FUNNY FART! _(farts)_

_(crickets don't chirp because they are on strike)_

Crickets: _(while waving picket signs)_ NO MORE CHIRPING NO MORE PLOT FILLERS! WE WANT SOME ACTUAL LINES!

_(so from now on, we will have Velociraptors)_

Velociraptors: _(are extinct)_

Doodlebug: What? It didn't work? Awww man... _(leaves)_

Titan Dweevil: You know, if Giant was killed, that means-

Segmented Crawbster: _(ROTFL)_ You said "THAT"! OMG!

Ranging Bloyster: _(XD)_ YOU USED INTERNET TALK!

Raging Long-Legs: HAHAHAHAHA! YOU USED A SMILEY EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T HAVE A FACE!

Widow Empress: Neither do you! _(ROTFL)( runs over Ranging Bloyster)_

Everyone: _(OMGLOLZORS!)_

Velociraptors: _(snickering while extinct)_

GP: _(laughs so hard his face falls on the keyboard)_bn hmds0-pdsaw mgfoijkhj gfbv,coikln gfjvcrdhf  
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Doodlebug: HA! I knew it would work! The farts haven't failed me yet!

Titan Dweevil: _(whew)_ Boy, we really needed that.

Doodlebug: To the Fortress of Farts, AWAY! _(runs)_

Titan Dweevil: As I was saying, if Giant did die, then I'll have one more vote than Ranging, and I'll be the Ruler of the Shiny Stuff once more! How bout them Sparkles?

Raging Long-Legs: Unfortunately Titan, we don't have time to discuss that now. Our information has gathered that their next target with be...

_(dramatic Music)_

Segmented Crawbster: Yeah?

Raging Long-Legs: Wait for it...

Everyone: _(waits)_

Raging Long-Legs: Just a few seco- Bulblax Kingdom.

Emperor Bulblax: OH NOES!

Waterwraith: Boy you are screwed! _(laughs)_

Raging Long-Legs: Luckily, I have devised a plan to save the Emperor.

Waterwraith: What? That is so LAME!

Pileated Snagret: What's so lame about it? All he has to do is trick one of his brothers into staying at the Bulblax Kingdom when the Pikmin arrive, so they go and kill the fake instead of the real deal. It works like a charm, especially if you lie to them saying that you're the one who's gonna die.

Widow Empress: Gee Pileated, from the way you describe it sounds like you've done this before.

Pileated Snagret: _(shifty eyes)_ Umm... No... C-course not...

Raging Long-Legs: Well then, so it's settled. I don't think we have anything thing else to talk about, so I think we can go ahead and get home!

Segmented Crawbster: YAY FOR GOING HOME AND DITCHING YOU LOSERS! _(leaves)_

_(Everyone starts leaving)_

Titan Dweevil: Hey Raging, I know you are jealous, but that's no excuse for trying to kill me.

Raging Long-Legs: Me? Trying to kill you? Are you crazy?

Titan Dweevil: Well, it was obviously from you because you're the only one who's jealous of my rugged good looks _(winks toward the audience, causing them to throw up)_

Raging Long-Legs: _(rolls eyes)_ Sure I-

Titan Dweevil: How did you do that!? You don't have any eyes!

Raging Long-Legs: Umm... I dunno...

Titan Dweevil: Anyway, what were we arguing about? Oh yeah, stop trying to kill me, and tell Ranging Bloyster to stop too.

Raging Long-Legs: You really are stupid, aren't you?

Titan Dweevil: Wha-?

Raging Long-Legs: Whenever they make obvious hints to who they are in the letter, it's a red-dumple trick. In reality, it's someone else who is trying to frame you.

Titan Dweevil: Gee... You ARE smart. No wonder you like video games.

Raging Long-Legs: And just what do you mean by that?

Titan Dweevil: Err... Nothing?

Raging Long-Legs: Anyway, you aren't alone. Someone has been trying to kill both Ranging Bloyster and I, and they were pretending to be you.

Titan Dweevil: But who the heck would want us both dead?

Raging Long-Legs: You mean besides each other, right?

Titan Dweevil: Er... Right.

Raging Long-Legs: I don't know, but I've been trying to find out who. We're holding our suspicions against Pileated, because he's the only other guy with messengers.

Titan Dweevil: But what's his motive huh? How would us being dead help him? You see, you and Ranging both have a motive, so I'm still sure it's you two, even with that "false hint" idea.

Raging Long-Legs: You know, you have a really good reason to want Ranging and I dead also! If anything, maybe you tried to kill us!

Titan Dweevil: Now why would I do that?

Raging Long-Legs: Boy, you ARE stupid.

Titan Dweevil: FINE! I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU!

Raging Long-Legs: Fine with me! We can be enemies for all I care!

Titan Dweevil: SO IT'S SETTLED! LEAVE ME ALONE THEN, YA FREAK! _(runs out of room crying)_

Raging Long-Legs: Some pal you are. I'll see to it we never work together again. _(leaves)_

_(meanwhile, in the shadows)_

?: Excellent. All is progressing smoothly. Now that I have destroyed their friendship, they will refuse to help each other in the hour of truth and will both be destroyed by the Pikmin. Excellent.

? #2: You just said excellent twice.

?: Shut up.

? #2: Ok... Shall we move on to the next phase?

?: Yes. Get a move on it!

_(Back with the Giant Breadbug)_

Giant Breadbug: YES! The hour is through! YAYS! _(runs into the water, which is just a puddle.) _You had me wait an hour because I might get a cramp... Wading in THIS!?

Water Dumple: Err... I could've sworn it was deeper...

Giant Breadbug: Ha ha. You know, I've always wondered how Dumples tasted.

Water Dumple: _(gulp)_

_(Floor 7)_

Giant Breadbug: Hi. I'm trying to reach Floor 11.

Ranging Bloyster #2: A likely story!

Giant Breadbug: Hey man, can you just do me a favor and move outta the way? I'm running late,

Ranging Bloyster #2: I'll let you pass if you can beat me while the Cannon Beetle Larvae shoot boulders at you!

Giant Breadbug: _(runs on top of Ranging Bloyster #2)_ Woah, you make this too easy.

Ranging Bloyster #2: _(is hit by every last Cannon Beetle Larvae's boulder)_ Ouch... Open the gate!

Gate: _(opens)_ (YAY I get a stage action!)

_(Floor 8)_

Giant Breadbug: Ooh! A flower! _(eats flowers)_

Flowers: (EEEEK! ALL IS LOST! ALL IS LOST!)

Mamuta: And just what do you think you're doing, no-neck?

Giant Breadbug: Back off Jack. I'm just eating my fill. And look who's talking, no face.

Flowers: (Dude, that guy just got burned) (Totally)

Mamuta: You best watch you freakishly large mouth, before you be watching it from the other side of the room.

Giant Breadbug: Ugh, you're just as persistent as that Creeping Candycane that I ate at the entrance-

Mamuta: You ATE my adorable Chrysanthemum!? How could you!? I'm going to slam your face into the dirt!

Giant Breadbug: Oh, I'm soooo scared. You're only, like, the 15th idiot who's said that to me so far!

Mamuta: Eat weird fist-arm thingy! _(punches)_

Giant Breadbug: It would be my pleasure. _(grabs Mamuta's arm in his mouth)_ Yum! Tastes like Chicken!

Mamuta: How dare you associate me with that foul... foul!

Teh Chikin: Excuse me?

Mamuta: You heard me! You guys are disgusting!

Giant Breadbug: Dude, do you have a death-wish or something?

Mamuta: Oh, I'm so scared of a stupid bird. I'd never beg you for mercy!

Teh Chikin: Prepare yourself, for the greatest pain of all. CHIKIN POWERS ACTIVATE!_ (smoke covers Mamuta)_

Mamuta: I'm a... I'm a... _(smoke clears)_ A CUPCAKE!? YOU TURNED ME INTO A CUPCAKE!? What's so scary about that!?

Giant Breadbug: YAY! A Chicken flavored cupcake! I haven't eaten, in like 15 seconds! _(eats cupcake)_

Mamuta: AAAAAARRRRGHHH!!!

Giant Breadbug: _(burp)_ Umm... Out of curiosity, what are YOU doing here?

Teh Chikin: _(shrugs)_ I dunno. _(Jumps through plot hole)_

_(Floor 9)_

Giant Breadbug: _(tiptoeing to the hole)_ Just a little bit more... _(stomach growls)_ Oh great, I knew I shouldn't have eaten that bean burrito... _(farts)_

Bulborbs: _(wake up)_ HEY! INTRUDER! Destroy him, so we can eat him!

Giant Breadbug: Spies! Help me in my fight!

Dwarf Bulborbs: _(run behind Giant Breadbug)_ Bring it, you killing machines!

Bulborbs: Well then, it looks as if... IT'S ON!

_(There is a huge epic battle with cool music and much PWNing and plenty of "Look out behind you!"s, " We doomed!"s, "Just a few more seconds"s, and "RUN!!"s. In the end, Giant Breadbug and co. emerge victorious and do a dance.)_

Giant Breadbug: Thanks guys! I'm off to Floor 11!

_(meanwhile, on Popstar)_

Kirby: _(wakes up from nap)_ Hey! Some punk just stole my signature dance! I'll show him! _(jumps on Warpstar and heads toward Earth)_

_(Back in the Hole of Heroes, Floor 10)_

Giant Breadbug: Oh no. You have GOT to be kidding me. I have to beat TWO Emperor Bulblaxes!?

Emperor Bulblax: #3: Yep! Not so high and mighty are you, Mr. Loafbug?

Emperor Bulblax #5: Wait a second! _(grabs Emperor Bulblax to a corner)_ Didn't Mommy tell us to let a Loafbug through?

Emperor Bulblax #3: Yeah, why?

Emperor Bulblax #5: Because this guy looks like a Loafbug. Let's let him through.

Emperor Bulblax #3: But doesn't Daddy hate the Loafbugs?

Emperor Bulblax #5: If you want to get grounded, that's fine by me. But I'm going to let him go on through,

Emperor Bulblax #3: Oh fine... _(to Giant Breadbug)_ Umm... We just remembered you're a VIP... You can pass...

Giant Breadbug: W00T! Talk about lucky! Floor 11, here I come!

_(Floor 11)_

Giant Breadbug: Why... There's nothing here but a Bulborb Larva!

Bulborb Larva #3462: I have some good news and some bad news.

Giant Breadbug: What's the bad news?

Bulborb Larva #3462: The person who was going to meet you here... Isn't here.

Giant Breadbug: What's the good news then?

Bulborb Larva #3462: I just saved a whole bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to-

Giant Breadbug: _(eats Bulborb Larva)_ I hate those commercials.

Widow Empress: _(enters)_ Why, hello there Giant.

Giant Breadbug: _(gasps)_ YOU!!

Widow Empress: Yep.

Giant Breadbug: Now I see what you plan was! You were trying to lure me in here so I'd get killed! Bet you never thought I'd make it to you!

Widow Empress: Actually, I kinda did guess-

Giant Breadbug: _(tears off fake skin, revealing every weapon known to man, Pikmin, and three-headed cats)_ Say hello to my Large, Little, and Medium sized friends!

Large Gun: Yo!

Medium Gun: What's Happinin'?

Small Gun: WASSSSAAA!!

Giant Breadbug: Go on! Say Hi! They said hi! Your turn! Don't be rude!

Emperor Bulblax #5: Mommy, you wanted my to bring this huge bag of nachos, right?

Widow Empress: Yes, give them to Giant Breadbug. I think he's pretty hungry and we need to discuss a treaty.

Giant Breadbug: Nachos... Huh? _(takes off weapons)_ Well, I suppose I could agree to this truce if nachos are involv- _(stuffs face full of nachos)_

FIN

_Who are the two mystery guys? Will their plan work? What is this Truce all about? Will Kirby get revenge on Giant Breadbug for copying his dance? When will I write the next chapter? Heck, even I don't know the answers to some of these!_

Note: Some of these next chapters may have some outdated humor. I wrote them awhile aback, but I forgot to post them here. Heh heh heh... Sorry.

Oh, and one more thing: Like I said in the summary, you can expect a new chapter every Friday night, unless something comes up._  
_


	6. Chapter 6

Note: From now on, *'s denote action *action*, and () means thoughts (thought). For some reason now it's letting me use them, which means I can upload everything in one go instead of going through and fixing it.

----------  
Chapter 6: Chapter 6?  
----------

*Olimar and Louie are in the ship flying over the planet*

Olimar: Louie, I've been meaning to talk to you about something-

Louie: You mean how I rock at leading Pikmin more than you ever could?

Olimar: Actually, it was about why exactly you ran all of your Red Pikmin into the water.

Louie: Oh, well, I wanted to kill the Wollywog in there.

Olimar: I have to hand it to you, you did a great job of making it laugh so hard it suffered from a heart attack.

Louie: You see, my plan DID work!

Olimar: You call that working? We had to go through the rest of the cave without Red Pikmin!

Louie: So? We had all the Blue's you could shake a stick at, so we had it great.

Olimar: Yep, killing the herd of Fiery Bulblaxes that you woke up by screaming "BE VEWRY VEWRY QUIET! I'M HUNTING FIEWY BULBOWBS!" was no sweat.

Louie: Heh heh heh, that was pretty funny.

Olimar Especially the part where they almost ate you alive, that was hysterical. I can't believe I saved you.

Louie: Me? Need saving? You're out of your mind! I had everything under control!

Olimar: Yes, lord knows how well Purple Pikmin do while running for their dear lives from a predator.

Louie: You know what your problem is? You're way too stressed out.

Olimar: You know what your problem is? You're way too stupid.

Louie: Oh come now, we aren't getting paid to be jealous of my UBER L33T SKILLZ.

Olimar: Three things: One, what in Hocotate's name just came out of your mouth? Two, we aren't getting paid, and three, you're an idiot.

Louie: Aren't getting paid? Then why don't you explain this check? *Shows Olimar check*

Olimar: Louie you dolt! That was supposed to be spent on more fuel for the ship!

Ship: Warning! Warning! Doom approaching!

Louie: You realize, of course, that this is all YOUR fault.

Olimar: ARGH! *strangles Louie*

*The ship crashes into the ground, and Olimar and Louie are still alive.*

Louie: You see! My genius is the only thing that is on our side!

Olimar: I'm willing to change that to your dead body.

Ship: We are in an unknown area of the Pikmin planet.... BRRZZZT.... This give me an idea! Why don't you two stop fighting and see who is truly better with Pikmin: You can spend the rest of today building up your army and tomorrow you will fight to the death!

Olimar: If it will shut you up Louie, I'm more than willing.

Louie: I dunno Olimar, we're just gonna waste time to see me win.

Olimar: Riiiight...

Ship: Now, there is so much to do! You must start selecting a base, working on your defenses, harvesting more Pikmin, slaying enemies, mapping out a battle strategy...

Olimar: Hey ship, what's zero divided by zero?

Ship: Easy! There is no solution! Anything divided by zero doesn't have one!

Olimar: But this is _zero_ divided by zero. Isn't it true that zero divided by anything is zero? And isn't it also true that anything divided by itself is one? What about that?

Ship: I...Um... ZZRRRT... WaRnInG... PrObLeM iMpOsSiBle.... BRRRRZZZRRZTT.... *explodes*

Olimar: You're welcome Louie.

*That night, at Olimar's camp*

Olimar: Status check!

Red #1: We have 50 flowered Reds and 50 more well on the way!

Olimar: Heh heh heh... Crushing that dolt Louie will be the greatest moment of my life. I can see it now... Oh... Sweet eradication...

*Meanwhile, Louie and 50 Blues are hiding in the bushes near Olimar's base*

Louie: So we're all clear on the plan?

Blue #1: Yup! We're set!

Louie: *clears throat* Oh my! Look! Something is on fire!

*95 Reds run out of the onion and gather around*

Red #62: Fire! Fire! Must watch stuff burn!

Blue #1: *into walky-talky* Land the monkey, I repeat, land the monkey.

Careening Drigibug: *appears* *drops bombrock* YAY! This is my favorite part!

Red Pikmin:... Ohh... Shiny.... *go boom*

Louie: Heh heh heh... Let's see how you plan to beat me now Olimar...

*In the morning, Olimar walks up to the Red Onion*

Olimar: TROOPS! ASSEMBLE!

*5 Red Pikmin jump out of the onion*

Olimar: Har har, very funny. I need the whole army ready, not just 5 Pikmin.

Red #1: Uhh sir... This is all that's left of us.

Olimar: WHAT!? How!?

Red #1: Louie launched a sneak attack last night and nearly wiped out your whole army!

Louie: And I can't wait to finish what I started!

*everyone turns and sees Louie with an army of 50 Blue Pikmin*

Olimar: Louie! You cheated! We were supposed to start fighting today!

Louie: Well, you know what they say: "All's fair in Love and Lunch.".

Olimar: Can you please hand me a heavy object? I'd rather kill myself than live to see an idiot whose IQ is half of Pi beat me.

Louie: Ha! You're an idiot! How can I be stupid if my IQ is half of the longest number in the universe?

Olimar: Because that same number is less than 4.

Louie: I... Umm... err.... EAT VOLATILE DWEEVIL!

Olimar: Yes Louie, I know you like to eat explosive insects, you don't have to scream it at the top of your lungs.

Louie: No you fool, I meant... THIS!

*A Volatile Dweevil drops right next to Louie and explodes, killing 20 Blue Pikmin*

Olimar: *Stares* *falls on the floor laughing*

Louie: I meant to do that! All part of my strategy!

Olimar: *gets up* Ok, I can't wait to see your next "attack". *snickers*

Armored Cannon Beetle Larva: *walks by* OH! Squishies! *Fires boulder*

Louie: And there it is right now! Plan B!

Olimar: *looks behind him and side-steps out of the way*

Louie: *is run over along with 10 Blue Pikmin* Grrr... Darn it! But you shall never survive the dastardly Plan.... A.... B.... Hey, what comes after B?

Olimar: Louie-is-an-idiot.

Louie: Right! Get ready for Plan Louie-is-an-idiot! Get 'im! *swarms Olimar with Blue Pikmin*

Olimar: You make this so easy it's hilarious. *steps between two Anode Beetles and fries all the Blue Pikmin on him. This leaves Louie with only 5 Blue Pikmin.*

Louie: Huh.... Didn't see that one coming...

Olimar: Well, now that we both have 5 Pikmin, we can actually have a fair fight.

Louie:Yes, but we all know it will be I who will win this fight! For I have the greatest Pik tactics in all the land! I can do anything with any squad of Pikmin! You must be a fool to- *bombrock lands right next to him* This will hurt a lot, won't it? *is knocked out and the 5 Blue Pikmin are killed*

Olimar: I got bored of hearing you talk. But I win! WOOO! *jumps in the air and is carried by the 5 Red Pikmin* *a few seconds pass* Hey, wait a second... What are you guys doing? Put me down! Why are you taking me to the onion!?

Red #1: You killed our friends! Now it's your turn!

Olimar: Oh... Ok.... Watching you guys get eaten is go- *is sucked into the Onion*

Red Pikmin: *celebrate*

*And then the great awesome Doodlebug came along and PWNED all of them with his amazing farts of Uberness.*

THE END

Doodlebug: So what do you think Titan?

Titan Dweevil: It's insane! Why did you name the two captains Olimar and Louie? I bet they have cool names, like Shiny and Sparkly.

Doodlebug: I dunno, instinct I guess.

Titan Dweevil: Well, other than that, your story really spoke to me.

Doodlebug: It did? What did it say?

Titan Dweevil: It said "Never forget the Pikmin 2 board!". It was completely bizarre.

Doodlebug: Maybe it was talking about that forum-thingy that Raging Long-Legs joined?

Titan Dweevil: Eh, seems pretty crazy to me to think a community of geeks like him would actually exist.

FIN


	7. Chapter 7

--------------  
Chapter 7: Let's rip insanity a new one!  
--------------

*Time to go right where we left off... Floor 11, Hole of Heroes*

Giant Breadbug: *is stuffing his face with nachos* (Heh... These idiots might think they have me cornered, but I have a trick or two up my nonexistent sleeve to make their lives more painful than... Than something that IS painful! MUHAHUAHAUAHAHA!)

Widow Empress: Anyway, I wanted to discuss with you a possible-

Giant Breadbug: More please!

Widow Empress:... What?

Giant Breadbug: More nachos! You certainly can't expect a light-weight bag like this to hold my attention for more than a few seconds, can you!? Step on it!

Emperor Bulblax #3: *throws Giant Breadbug second bag* Sheesh, you don't have to be a pest about it!

Giant Breadbug: (Heh, that's what YOU think...) Hey! There are more chips than cheese! MAKE IT AGAIN!

Emperor Bulblax #5: *carries in vat of cheese and sprays some on the chips* There, happy now?

Giant Breadbug: IDIOT! The chips go ON the cheese!

Emperor Bulblax #3: *brings in a bucket of chips and covers the cheese with the chips* Anything else we can be extremely picky about!?

Giant Breadbug: (We're just getting started, punk) Yeah, where's my free dancing rhino!?

Widow Empress: Excuse me?

Giant Breadbug: I was to understand that with every bag of nachos I am to get a free dancing nacho!

Widow Empress: Wait, you just said Rhino a few seconds ago!

Giant Breadbug: Listen you old hag: If I don't get my dancing flamingo then you don't get your treaty! CAPICHE!?

Emperor Bulblax #5: Oh! Here's your dancing Pellet Posie!

Giant Breadbug: Nah, I'm now in more of the mood for humor. You there! Hit your brother in the face with a peanut-pie!

Emperor Bulblax #3: *throws pie in #5's face*

Giant Breadbug: HEY! I WAS GOING TO EAT THAT!

Emperor Bulblax #3: WELL MAYBE YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME YOU-

Giant Breadbug: I DID TELL YOU!

Emperor Bulblax #3: Yeah, AFTER I THREW IT!

Widow Empress: *clears throat* You two idiots can leave now.

Emperor Bulblax #5: Thanks mommy! *runs out with #3*

Widow Empress: Well, it seems my plan didn't work out as... planned...

Giant Breadbug: HA! I KNEW it! You WERE trying to kill me! I guess I outsmarted you yet again!

Widow Empress: Kill you!? Why would I want to kill you?

Giant Breadbug: Gee, I dunno, maybe because the Breadbugs and the Bulborbs are mortal enemies!

Widow Empress: But still, I didn't want to kill you, I wanted to **snuggle **with you!

Giant Breabug: Snuggle?

Widow Empress: Snuggle.

Giant Breadbug: What the heck does snuggle mean anyway!?

Widow Empress: *shrugs* Why don't you look in the dictionary?

Giant Breadbug: *pulls out dictionary* Lessee here... Snuggle... AH! Here we go!

_snugÂ·gle (sngl)  
v. snugÂ·gled, snugÂ·gling, snugÂ·gles v. tr._

_To draw close or hold closely, as for comfort or in affection; hug. _

Giant Breadbug: *laughs* Why, if we were to snuggle, I imagine I would be cut off from oxygen by your large fatness!

Widow Empress: *shrugs* Never hurt to find out! *snuggles*

Giant Breadbug: Can't... Breath... Need... Air...

*In Giant Breadbug's mind*

*tons of Giant Breadbugs are running around screaming*

"Panic": AHHHH! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!! *runs into a wall and is knocked out*

"Hunger": FOOD! THE FOOD MUST BE SAVED!!

"Sanity": Everybody, calm down! We must have our closing meeting!

*all of them assemble at a table in the middle*

"Sanity": Well guys, it seems we all are heading to the big buffet in the sky... As customary, we will quickly view all of our accomplishments together before departing... *hits "Play Flashback" button*

* A video plays showing a few seconds of Giant Breadbug's life every year of his life. Each year shows Giant Breadbug screaming "FOOD!" Then jumping into a pile of food and eating it. It finally ends.*

Giant Breadbug: Man... My life was awesome...

"Fart": I dunno about you guys, but I'm not going to surrender now, or any time! I'm going to make it out of this ALIVE!

"Hope": By jove, I think he's right! Let's have one final push towards life, shall we?

"Sanity": All power to the rear! Let's blow this fat worm out of the ground!

All: *cheers*

*back in the real world...*

Giant Breadbug: Mega-Fart.... AWAY!!! *farts so powerfully that he flies out of Widow's snuggling* YES! LIFE! WOOO!

Widow Empress: Oh, so you want a farting contest? Little silly, that's my talent! ~_^ *farts a fart so fartastic that it... umm... It just rocks, ok?*

Doodlebug: *runs in* MAMA MIA! That's one heck of a fart! *runs out*

Giant Breadbug: Oh yeah? I bet you can't burp! *burps*

Widow Empress: That's nothing. *Belchs*

Giant Breadbug: DUDE! Where did you learn how to do that!?

Widow Empress: *shrugs* I dunno.

Giant Breadbug: Well... I spent half of my life mastering those skills... dang...

*Back in Giant's head...*

"Anger": *opens door* Who is it!?

"Love": Yo! I'm the new guy here!

"Anger": Sure you are. Get lost.

"Love": No! Really!

"Anger": Whatever, come on in. Even though I know you aren't supposed to be here.

*back in the real world...*

Raging Long-Legs: *enters Floor 11* *whistling*

Giant Breadbug: How do you do that!?

Raging Long-Legs: EH!? Giant! What are you doing in my cave?

Widow Empress: I invited him.

Raging Long-Legs:... Oh... By the way, do you have any idea who was snuggling? I want to find them so I can point and laugh!

Giant Breadbug: How can you point at something anyway?

Widow Empress: Or whistle?

Raging Long-Legs:... I... Have no idea...

Giant Breadbug:...Ok...

Raging Long-Legs: Wait a second... GIANT! YOU'RE ALIVE! *Hugs Giant* Aww man I thought you were gone forever!

Giant Breadbug: *hardly breathing* Don't mention it... Wait a second, how can you hug me!?

Raging Long-Legs: I... Um... Err... This calls for ANOTHER MEETING!

Widow Empress: But didn't we already have one today?

Raging Long-Legs: SILENCE! I declare another useless meeting is to be called, and by jove, am I gonna call it! Send the Antenna Beetles!

Antenna Beetle: *enters* Yo! What'cha be needing?

Raging Long-Legs: Err... I believe I said Antenna Beetle**s**. Where is everyone else?

Antenna Beetle: Spring Break.

Raging Long-Legs: But it's the middle of January!

Antenna Beetle: That's what you think.

*meanwhile, outside the Hole of Heroes, there is a bunch of Antenna Beetles in swim trunks running around*

Antenna Beetle #7: WOOO PARTAY!!! *Jumps in pool and freezes*

The rest of the Antenna Beetles: *do the same*

*Back to where we were...*

Raging Long-Legs:... Alright... That just makes more work for you! Have fun! ^_^

Antenna Beetle: Sure, whatever. Later dude!

*At Dream Den, floor 14*

Antenna Beetle: (This is soooo COOL! I can't believe I'm the lucky guy who gets to deliver Titan Dweevil's stuff! And Momma said I wouldn't make it past the front door! WELL IN YOUR FACE MOMMA! Titan PWNS!) *finds Titan Dweevil* Yo! I have a-

Titan Dweevil: Keep it down!

*Titan Dweevil is hunched over a Pearly Clampclamp*

Titan Dweevil: *very quietly* *reaching into the Pearly Clampclamp's mouth* C'mon... Come to daddy...

Antenna Beetle: Umm Dude? You might not want to-

Pearly Clampclamp: (MUHHUHAHAHAHA! Like a crouching fish... I STRIKE!) *slams shut on Titan's hand*

Titan Dweevil: AAHHHHH!!! *shakes the Pearly Clampclamp off his hand* The accursed clam has bit my hand.... BURN FOR IT! *torches Pearly Clampclamp with Flare Cannon*

Pearly Clampclamp: UGH! It never gets any easier!! Take my darn pearl! *spits it at Titan Dweevil*

Titan Dweevil: YAY! *picks up pearl*

Titan Dweevil got a **Pearl**! *DUN NUN NUH NUHHHHHHH!!*

Titan Dweevil: So... What did you come here for? More hate mail?

Antenna Beetle: Nah, it's an invitation to a meeting.

Titan Dweevil: Another one!? I just got home from the last one!

Antenna Beetle: It says here that when you say that, I'm supposed to say "Well, too bad.". Later dude!

*at the meeting*

Segmented Crawbster: You have some serious explaining to do. I finally make it down to my floor when your half-wit, know-nothing fool of a messenger shows up and tells me you've called yet **another** meeting!

Raging Long-Legs: But I have good news!

Segmented Crawbster: Really?

Raging Long-Legs: Yep ^_^ I just saved a whole bunch of money on my ca-

Segmented Crawbster: That's it I'm leavin-

Raging Long-Legs: Giant Breadbug is ALIVE!

Velociraptors: *are extinct*

Segmented Crawbster: So much for good news...

Antenna Beetle: *drops in* Well, after plenty of arguing, we've finally convinced on of the Emperor's to switch places with the other. He wanted like a tomato factory near by or else he wouldn't go.

Raging Long-Legs: Nyaah, stupid kids. ^_^ I bet we weren't like that when we were kids.

MAL: (Yeah, we were.)

Raging Long-Legs: Gee, I wish I could understand what MAL was trying to tell me.

MAL: (Just shut up and watch the flashback. Idiot.) *Gets out projector and plays flashback*

Weird Announcer Dude: Yes, we all know about Raging Long-Legs, Beady Long-Legs, and Man-At-Legs. The three members of the Long-Legs family. However, no matter how much research was done, one question about these could not be answered...no, it'™s not where their head is! It'™s how in the world Man-At-Legs got all that machinery on his body! Well, I'™ll tell you right now, I'™ve found out. And it started in MAL'™s childhood. You see, when the three Long-Legs were children, they would often play down in the Subterranean Complex. Why? Because it PWNZ. At this point, Beady Long-Legs and Man-At-Legs had not grown their big, huge feet, and Raging had only begun to grow his. Because he was the oldest. MAL looked quite different than he does today, since he has an orange center and black legs. One day, however, this would change in a visit to the Long-Legs favorite spot for playing...

MAL: Come on, keep going! Trust me, this is really neat!

Raging: Psh, nothing could be as neat as my feet. CHECK 'EM OUT!!! *raises a foot*

Beady: _ *passes out from the stench*

Raging: ...I swear, Beady, you are such a wuss...

Beady: *wakes up* I AM NOT!

Raging: Look! A bear!

Beady: AAAHHHH!!!!! *runs away*

Raging: ...Wuss.

MAL: Hey, what'™s a bear?

Raging: I dunno, all I know is that it scared him.

MAL: Well, come on, the uber-machine is really close and stuff!

Raging: Uh, MAL, what'™s with your obsession with machines? I mean, they'™re just machines...

MAL: Psh, don'™t pretend like you don'™t like them too. I'™ve seen you hugging that precious NES of yours.

Raging: WHAT!?

MAL: Heh heh.

Raging: Gr...

MAL: Now come on! Trust me, this is cool!

Beady: *comes back* Huff...puff... um, guys? What's a bear?

Raging: Boo.

Beady: AAAHHH!!! *passes out*

MAL: ... Um... Okay. Wake up now.

Beady: *wakes up* I'M TELLING MOM!!!!

Raging: Heh, she'll never believe you. She thinks you're crazy.

Beady: No she doesn't! Why would she think that!?

Raging: Last week, you told her that there was a Puffy Blowhog in the kitchen.

Beady: ...He was trying to eat my sandwich...

Raging: Riiiiiight.

MAL: Here it is! *leads everyone to a huge machine*

Raging: ...Yippee.

Beady: What's it do?

MAL: ...I'm not sure. But isn't it awesome!?

Raging: ...Yeah. Sure. Awesome. But you know what's MORE awesome?

MAL: ...Your feet?

Raging: You got it! Heh heh. I gots feet and you don't...

MAL: Yeah, well...someday I'm gonna have feet too, and then I'll pwn you!

Raging: ...*snickers*...PWN?

MAL: ...It's a cool word...

Raging: It's a NERD word! Come on, Beady, let's go over there! And be COOL! *goes away*

Beady: Yeah! Cool! *goes away with Raging*

Raging: *trips Beady and keeps walking*

Beady: OW! That's not funny! *gets up and continues*

MAL: ...Ugh...once again I'm left behind...well, at least this machine is my friend...

Machine: You are such a nerd.

MAL: HEY!

Machine: Ha ha.

MAL: Wait...a TALKING machine? How'd that happen?

Machine: Well, it all started two years ago, when...

MAL: We're already in a flashback sequence, so another would be a bad idea.

Machine: Psh, what's the worst that could happen? *attempts to start its own flashback*

Gorilla: *drops in* ROOOAAAARRRRR!!! *pounds the machine and leaves*

Machine: Ow...

MAL: See, that's why you never mix flashbacks.

Machine: Um, yeah...anyway, I'm a talking machine. That's all you really need to know.

MAL: Will you be my friend?

Machine: Sure!

MAL: Yay! Time for a...

Machine: NOT A FLASHBACK!!!

MAL: ...I was gonna say "musical montage."

Machine: ...Oh. That works.

MAL: YAY!

*happy music plays and a montage is played, showing MAL and the machine arm wrestling, playing Monopoly, skipping through a field of flowers, even though they're so much smaller than the flowers, winning the Super Bowl, and destroying the Death Star*

MAL: Wow, that was great! I've never had so much fun in all my life!

Machine: Yeah, hard to believe we did all that in less than ten minutes.

MAL: You're gonna be my best friend forever!

Machine: Yay!

*a fight breaks out between a Fiery Blowhog and Decorated Cannon Beetle*

MAL: Oh, no! A fight!

DCB: You stink!

FB: You stink more! *blows flames at DCB*

DCB: OW! That hurt! EAT THIS!!! *fires a rock*

FB: *is crushed*

*rock rolls toward MAL*

MAL: Uh-oh! *jumps out of the way, in front of the machine*

Machine: Um...those rocks are magnetic...

MAL: Meaning?

*rock rolls toward MAL and the machine*

MAL: ...Oh...

Both: NOOOOO!!!!!!

*rock crashes into MAL and the machine and everything blacks out*

*two hours later*

MAL: (Ugh...what happened? Oh, no! I'm probably bleeding! I need to call out for help!) *creaks* (...What was that? I shouldn't creak...)

Voice: (Uh, hey, you okay?)

MAL: (Machine buddy? That you?)

Voice: (Um, yeah...but no one else can hear me...)

MAL: (Huh? But why?)

Voice: (Well, you've lost the ability to talk out loud, as have I.)

MAL: (What? Then how are we...)

Voice: (I'm not sure what happened either, but...well, look in that water there...)

MAL: *looks* O_O (Holy cow, I'm half machine...)

Voice: (Um...yeah.)

DCB: Uh...hey...are you okay, buddy?

MAL: *creaks*

DCB: *snickers* HAHAHAHA!! I guess so! Now I can make fun of you! Man, that was so funny, that scream you let out when you...

MAL: *blasts DCB with his machine gun*

DCB: *is pwned*

MAL: (What was that?)

Voice: (He got on my nerves.)

MAL: (You have a gun!?)

Voice: (Yup. Isn't it awesome?)

MAL: (Oh, boy, Raging is gonna freak...feet are NOTHING compared to this!)

Voice: (Too bad you can't tell anyone how this happened.)

MAL: (Nah, it's not so bad. It would probably just end up as part of someone's lame fanfic.)

Weird Announcer Dude: And so, young Man-At-Legs was fused with a machine and thus became the uber MAL that we know today. The moral of this story is: Count your cupcakes. Because if you don't, you'll run out and not know it. Then you'll eat the pan and be all, "OW! I ate a muffin pan!" And do you want that!? NO! I DON'T THINK YOU DO!!!!!

*flashback ends*

Pileated Snagret: With all due respect.... What the heck did we just see!?

Raging Long-Legs: Nyaah, silly MAL *whispering to Pileated Snagret* He wants to be a movie director.

Pileated Snagret: O_O.... Uh huh.... You stay away from me....

Raging Long-Legs: Fine with me! ^_^

Pileated Snagret:.... You aren.... Just.... Please, shut up. -_-

Raging Long-Legs: ^_^

Segmented Crawbster:... So when exactly do I get to kill something?

Raging Long-Legs: I dunno, probably soon. Just remember, even though killing stuff is fun...

Segmented Crawbster: Yes?

Raging Long-Legs: It won't save you any money on car-

Segmented Crawbster: I'm going to give you five seconds to give me a good reason why I should stay here.

Titan Dweevil: You mean besides staring at my shiny weapons of PWNage? Because, you know, that's the only real reason to come.

Segmented Crawbster: Ok, now you have 3 seconds.

Raging Long-Legs: I... I.... Uhhh...

Segmented Crawbster: 2 seconds.

Raging Long-Legs: TRUTH OR DARE!?

Segmented Crawbster: What the... Listen, I said give me a good reason I should stay, not an even better reason why I should leave.

Raging Long-Legs: Pick. Truth, or dare.

Emperor Bulblax: OO! This reminds me of spin the bottle!

Pileated Snagret: Hey, what's a bottle?

Emperor Bulblax: I have no idea, I read about it in a magazine.

Pileated Snagret: And that magazine would be...

Emperor Bulblax: Stupid spoiled idiots weekly!

Ranging Bloyster: Ah, I bet you're their number one customer.

Emperor Bulblax: I am ^_^.

Waterwraith: This... Is by far the most saddening meeting yet...

Pileated Snagret: That statement says so much and so little...

Segmented Crawbster: Ugh, make the stupidity stop! Dare me then.

Raging Long-Legs: I dare you not to leave this room until I say the words "Segmented Crawbster, I, the awesome and uber Raging Long-Legs hereby gives you permission to leave this room".

Segmented Crawbster: Heck no! I'm not stupid!

Doodlebug: Ha ha! CHICKEN! BOCK BOCK BOCK! CHICKEN!

*Meanwhile, somewhere else...*

Teh Chikin: *wakes up from a nap* Hmm... Strange... I have a sudden urge to kill everything that is less than a foot tall...

*back at the meeting. (Boy, I bet you're hating having to go back and forth all the time. I know I would,but I guess I don't care so much because I'm the author and all that stuff. What? The fic? Oh yeah, better get right back to it)*

Segmented Crawbster: Fine! Sheesh, this game stinks, no wonder stupid teenagers play it all the time.

Emperor Bulblax: Hey! Is that supposed to be an insult?

Segmented Crawbster: Yep.

Emperor Bulblax: Ok, just checking. ^_^

Raging Long-Legs: Err... Segmented, I believe it's your turn to dare someone...

Segmented Crawbster: Oh yeah.... Heh heh heh.... I know exactly how I'm gonna use it too! Hey Doodlebug! Truth or dare?

Doodlebug: Dare me, because I'm no chicken, unlike you.

Segmented Crawbster: I dare you to fart-

Doodlebug: Done and done! FURY FART! *farts*

Velociraptors: *Are extinct*

Ranging Bloyster: Uh.... Huh...

Giant Breadbug: I'm gonna tear you limb from limb slug-boy! *leaps at Ranging Bloyster*

Ranging Bloyster: Ok, that is so not cool. You do realize that I lack any limbs, so you have nothing to tear off. *is tackled*

Everyone: *gets in a giant melee*

GP: YYAAAAAAAA! *drop kicks chicken*

Chicken: I thought what we had was special. ;_; *flies into the TV*

*After two minutes, everyone begins to settle down*

Raging Long-Legs: Woo... I finally got that out of my system... I think I broke my arm...

Titan Dweevil: No, no, that's impossible.

Ranging Bloyster: Gee, you think?

Titan Dweevil: Of course I think! Just look at him and his shiny new DS! How do suppose he touches the screen on that thing unless he has hands? And hands are simple appendages, used to do things such as wave a flamethrower in someone's face or to heat up a block of cheese. In fact, just the other day I...*goes on and on*

Disco Ball: *no longer has wizard hat glued to it* (Ugh... I don't know what's sadder... The fact that this guy sets a new meaning to the word stupid or the fact I have to spend the rest of my life with him...)

MAL: (I'm betting that second one.)

Disco Ball: (Yeah, me too. The idiot is probably so stupid he doesn't even reali- Wait, what did you just say!?)

MAL: (Huh?)

Disco Ball: (You noticed me! How did you do that?)

MAL: (I dunno, I guess ever since I lost the ability to talk I could chat with things that aren't supposed to think.)

Disco Ball: (So why is it exactly you can't talk to Titan Dolt over there?)

MAL: (No, no, no... You see, he has a brain, believe it or not, but instead of using it, he prefers to tie a bunch of shiny stuff to it, seriously damaging it and thus making him even dumber than possible.)

Disco Ball: (I hear that. Anyhow, I think he's coming to a closing, so I guess we should start paying attention)

MAL: (Do you honestly think anyone will notice?)

Disco Ball: (Point taken.)

Titan Dweevil: And so... In closing, I'd like to say... Umm... My weapons PWN j00!

Pileated Snagret: Thank you Titan Dweevil for that bit of stupidity. Heaven knows what kind of dreams I'll have now.

*Meanwhile... in Giant Breadbug's mind...*

"Sanity": Somebody... Please... Turn off the sound... Ugh... I can't take much more of this...

"Hunger": I know! This guy's making me lose my appetite!

"Wisdom": Is that even possible?

"Hunger": Nope, of course not. I just feel like having one less nacho than I usually do.

"Anger": Well, today has been going swell so far. We make our way through a treacherous cave only to be nearly killed by something so incredibly massive that I'm not sure if it can be measured, then, little sissy boy over here arrived *glares at "Love"*, and now these groups of idiots won't shut up!

"Love": Well, you have no reason to take it out on me.

"Anger": And why not little sissy boy? Am I going to hurt your precious little feelings?

"Love": Don't get me angry... You wouldn't like me when I'm angry...

"Anger": Uhh... News Flash: I'm "Anger". I'm made of 100% pure rage and hatred. That last statement, coming from a sissy wimp like yourself who cares about so much stupid sissy little girly stuff and so incredibly n00bish that I-

"Love" THAT'S THE LAST THING YOU'LL SAY! *tackles "Anger" into the control panel, turning the microphone on*

*Back in the real world*

Bob: *sitting at desk typing on computer* Stupid job... Stupid computer... Stupid car... Stupid TV dinner... Stupid life...

*Ahem, back to the meeting*

Titan Dweevil: Well, that's a stupid idea. I say all our problems will be solved by a simple dose of-

Giant Breadbug: PAIN! PAIN! AHHH!

Titan Dweevil: Correct Giant.

Raging Long-Legs: You feeling ok Giant? You usually are a anti-war hippie...

Giant Breadbug: What are you guys standing around for? Beat that wuss senseless!

Ranging Bloyster: Say, I'm beginning to like the new Giant Breabug! What do you say you have a little drink?

Waterwraith: AHHH! NO! NOT THE DARK PLACE! ANYTHING BUT THE DARK PLACE! *gets in fetal position*

Giant Breadbug: I'll give you three seconds to get off me before I- AHH! MY LEG! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY LEG! Who's the wussy now, punk? MERCY! *screams* You know, I never really liked him. Yeah, me neither. Har Har. The first one who steps up will die a good death. And by good, I mean slow and painful. RUN MAN! AGH! That doesn't bend that- YAAAAA!! The pain... The... I said shut up! And don't you think you can run from me either! OUCH! UNCLE! UNCLE! Aunt? WHO ELSE WANTS SOME!? Let's roleplay: You're the defenseless little bunny, and I'm the raging forest fire! Hey, look, he's running away! Nice going there! I was afraid I was going to have to call in the- Wha- How'd you... No... Please don't fire that... NOT H- *explosion*.

Segmented Crawbster: Amazing. I could've sworn I was going to crack first... Looks like Giant just proved me wrong...

Giant Breadbug: Testing 1..2...3.... Testing 1...2...3... Do you copy? I repeat, do you copy?

Emperor Bulblax: I would, but where are the test answers?

Raging Long-Legs: Yeah, we hear you. What the heck just happened?

Giant Breadbug: It's horrible man... I never knew he would snap like that... It was a massacre... Hey, what did I tell you about making prank phone calls? NO! Please! Spare me! HELP! HELP! SOS! BEEPBEEPBEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP! *screams* Thanks goodness that's over with, that beeping was getting on my nerv- *stops talking and turns around* *sees a tranquilizer dart sticking out of his back* What the-... Hey, who's turning out the lights? *falls over*

Disco Ball: (Good call.)

MAL: *gun still pointing at Giant Breadbug* (Hey, who replaced my missiles with tranquilizer darts!?)

Raging Long-Legs: (Heh heh heh... Guns PWN feet my... My... Knee...)

Ranging Bloyster: Call me crazy but... What the heck just happened?

Raging Long-Legs: Just as I suspected. Giant Breadbug must have felt a feeling that was not compatible with his species, so it clashed with his other feelings and personas, and because they never saw anything like it, it PWNed them all.

Pileated Snagret: Wait a minute... Didn't you say PWN was a nerd word in that flashback, but now you use it almost as mush as Titan!

Emperor Bulblax: Hey, geeks can use geek words. Raging plays Nintendo, so he is geeky, kiddy, and stupid. He's overqualified if you ask me.

Raging Long-Legs: (Note to self: Get revenge on Emperor) Right. Luckily, I planned ahead, so we can still save him, but I can't do it alone. Titan?

Titan Dweevil: What do you want your geekiness?

Raging Long-Legs: I want you to meet me on the next floor with as many shiny things as you can find. I'm going to have to use them. And MAL, I'm going to need you for your... umm... Mechanical talent. Everyone else, meet me back here at this exact time tomorrow. I believe I will have found the answer to this problem by then.

Pileated Snagret: Incredible. In one meeting, we have gone from a flashback to saying that Giant Breadbug is alive to a game of truth or dare to beating each other senseless to listening to Titan Dweevil lecture to us about stupidity to Giant Breadbug going insane and finally to us figuring out how to save him. Woah.

Raging Long-Legs: Amazing what we can do when we put our... Our body parts that contain a brain- *glances at Titan* that should have a brain together. Other than that, this meeting is over!

*All the bosses leave except Segmented Crawbster*

Segmented Crawbster: Raging? Raging you there? Aren't you forgetting something? Oh, this is wonderful... This is gonna be one long night...

FIN


	8. Chapter 8

Note: Yeah, not really sure what to say about this. I considered not uploading it with the others but I decided I should put it up this whole thing in its entirety now instead of delaying, so that means this one. And yes, there are some very outdated things here since it all was written like four years ago.

---------------  
Chapter 8: Generic Plot-Devices Are FUN!!!  
---------------

*Now, we'll be leaving the bosses alone for a moment (I can just see the dissapointed looks on your faces) and go along with Olimar and Louie and see what they are up to right now.*

*The ship is cruising along the night sky...*

Olimar: ZZZZZzzzzzZZZZZzzzz.....

_Olimar's Dream_

President: Olimar... In honor of your discoveries... I hereby give you Hocotate Frieght!

Audience: *Cheers* (Can't we do anything other than cheer?) (I think we can boo...) (Oh well, let's just stand around so we can start eating some stuff.) (YAY for Space Noodles!)

Olimar: Thank you! For my first act.... I SHALL FIRE LOUIE!

Audience: *Cheers* (When will it end?) (Pretty soon, he might come to a close...)

Louie's father: YEAH! YEAH! *cheers*

Olimar: Thank-you... It's nice to see that I have so much supp- *Farts*

Audience: Olimar! Help us!

Olimar: What the-

*The sky suddenly darkens as everyone around Olimar turn into Pikmin. They run around screaming and are surrounded by Bulborbs*

Olimar: ACK!! What's going on here?

Evil Voice From Nowhere: MUHUHAHAHA!! YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE** SO MAKE YOUR TIME!!!**

Random Pikmin: Oh no! Someone set us up the bomb!

Olimar: What you sa-... Wait a minute... What the bloody heck am I doing!? Hey, mysterious voice guy, I'll give you to the count of ten before I- *Lightning bolts strike all around him*-... Get in the fetal position...

Louie: Olimar! Want to get away!?

Olimar: Louie! I'm sorry for firing you!

Louie: No problem! Just go with South-West Space Lines for the-

Olimar: SHUT UP! *tackles Louie and strangles him* Why is it so hard for you to go one day without screwing up everything I've spent my life working for!? WHY!?

Mysterious Voice From Somewhere: _ Err... Don't look at me or anything... I was just supposed to deliver you a message of upcomming doom that you can help prevent... Even though I am supposed to be evil and doing this is just the opposite of what I need because alone the Pikmin are easy to crush so I obviously would want to convince to get as far away from this planet as soon as possible so you won't further danger my plans though I do need you to destroy some others which are getting in my way by luring you there with junk that you think is treasure so you can kill them all off one by one leaving just one guy in charge of everything and by then would I want to drive you out of here so I could conquer the planet to my own desires and start a new TV series where the people will laugh and cry and gasp and laugh some more and then I will pass pointless laws disabling people to trade food, supplies, and other necessary things and I will laugh at those who try to get in my way as I mercilessly crush them one by one and show their futile attempts to Hocotate's Funniest Home videos and make 10,000 Pokos and maybe tell someone to buy out most of the stocks for your company and drive it into the ground leaving you and your family unemployed forced to live with rats and eat cats and bats and become their hero and then to realise that I ruined your life so you will come back to the planet from where I am telling you this right at this moment and you will find me and we will tell each other dramatic stuff and I'll stupidly reveal to you my plan to conquer the world and you'll run off like a pansy and then tell your friends and family, though you won't have any friends because you'll have stolen all of their stuff, and then they will come back here with you and you'll find a band of rebel Pikmin and they'll join you in your fight against me and you will instead of facing me one on one go and kill all of my high-ranking officials to help liberate more and more of the planet to gain mystical strength from it and you'll go on side-quests like delivering kittens to trees and old-ladies to mail-boxes and making everybody happy for nearly no reward other than getting a 100% on some file that doesn't exist and then after getting all sorts of awesome upgrades you'll find me and I'll have my own army and we'll fight in a glorious battle with opera music and stuff and many cool cut scenes and then our armies will be at a perfect draw so we'll fight one on one in a dramatic battle sequence where you have every advenatage but I'll be bragging anyway and you'll remember how much everybody is counting on you and you'll PWN me into the nearest phone-booth and then you'll all celebrate and you'll get your job back and fly back to your planet but then I survive the concussion and go through everything all over again in a sequel and then there's a prequel on how I became so dang evil and then it's revealed that I'm just misunderstood and everybody feels sorry for me and stuff and then a bunch of new games are released that are all gimmicky like Pikmin Hockey and all the other sports you can think of and you appear in Super Smash Brothers Melee and you have a jolly good time and then they hardly make any new games for and they just remake the old ones over and over and over again to the point where your head will spin and you'll throw up and then I might consider ending this giant run-on sentence but I won't because I don't feel like it and because that's what all the world leaders do to prevent votes from being cast and so on and so forth and you can stop killing all the bulborbs now taking advantage of my distraction of talking and talking and talking and you Louie can stop throwing up in a garbage can because this giant block of text is making you dizzy but I can't help it because I have so much to say but GP says I only have one more sentence left to talk so I want to say everything I have to say in this giant block of text because I can't split it off into paragraphs because it is one giant sentence and you can't stop me because you don't know where my physical body is and I think I'm sick or something because everything is all spinny and fuzzy and stuff oh and Olimar you're about to crash into a tree because Louie is pressing all the buttons and you can't wake up from this dream sequence because this isn't a dream sequence this is just public radio, yup you heard me, public radio and you have to listen to me finish blathering before you wake up and Olimar stop trying to pinch yourself and stop grinning and beating the guts out of Louie because that's disgusting, violent, and not very nice so don't do it and reader stop writing this angry PM to GP because it's not his fault that I like taking my time with these things because it's fun and hey what's fun is fun and you're probably not even reading this anyway and if you are are you reminded of the Great Wall of China because I am and I was just wondering if you were and yeah and um right and I wonder if this is going to take up more than a post and Olimar what are you doing with that Nova Blaster, you could blow up Hocotate and wake up you crazy fool, wait, that's what you're trying to do right-

_Olimar's Dream Ends_

Olimar: *Wakes up just in time to see Louie pressing random buttons* LOUIE! NOOO! *tackles Louie*

Ship: Warning! Landing Sequence Activated! *lands*

Louie: Whew, I stopped you just in time Olimar... You could've killed us both if you kept at it!

Olimar: If you excuse me, I'm going to go throw-up now, thanks.

Louie: OLIMAR! Watch out! There's a giant-

*We interrupt your chapter to bring you a special news announcement*

GP: *types on computer*

Phone: *rings*

GP: *continues to type*

Answering Machine: *GP's voice* Hi! You've reached NOA! Not some deranged Nintendo fan's home, but the Nintendo of America building! Please leave your name, number, and any awesome Nintendo news you're calling about and we might get back to you as soon as we can! *BEEEEP!* Hey! This is the representative from NCL, and we just got some really awesome info on the new Zelda game!

GP: *stops typing and leans close to answering machine*

Answering Machine: Dig this: Not only are there going to be TWO massive dungeons, but Tingle is going to be making a comback as one of the main characters! He'll sell you some cool stuff like necessary plot items for around 500 ruppees, and then guess what you're collecting? The MYSTIC MUFFINS! Yes, in order to save-

GP: *Picks up the phone* DRASLUSHEE! What'd I tell you about calling my NOA line that I tapped into instead of my private line?..... Yeah, I know, but I really didn't find that humurous.... Yes, I know you think it's an awesome idea, but don't scare me like that about there being only two dungeons... No, I do not think that two dungeons will ever cut- ... Penguins!? WHAT!? .... Oh that.... Listen, that incident at the zoo... I TOLD YOU HE STOLE MY WALLET! .... What? So now it's against the law to beat up a mob of penguins? .... Listen, I don't care about them being only 1/100,000,000 as majestic as dragons, I still don't see the point.... Yeah, well.... HEY! Stop getting up in my face about that!... I told you, he had a gun to my face and asked for my DS!.... Give him it!?... No way!... Listen, it was self-defence and that's final!.... Proof?.... What proof?... Listen, I didn't TOUCH the-... I KNOW about that, I just said-.... Listen, what matters is I didn't start it, got it?..... Video evidence?... But BIGGORON_2000 said he knocked them all ou-... What?... Dummy cameras?.... Lawsuit?.... Police Helicopter right behind me?... Nice knowing me?... Stop repeating everything you say?.... You mean it?.... Stop it?.... You're going to make me suffer a thousand needles unless I.... HOLY COW! DRAS! There's a Police Helicopter right outside my window! .... Dras? Did you hang up on me? *hangs up*

Police Helicopter: HEY! YOU! STAY WHERE YOU ARE WHILE THE POLICE GUYS RUN UP THE STAIRS BECAUSE YOU TIED DOWN THE ELEVATOR WITH THREE ANVILS!

GP: Heh heh... That was pretty funny.... And they bet I couldn't do it! *grabs chair and throws it out the window*

Police Helicopter: Woah- Woah- ... Don't jump out that window man, really, it doesn't have to go like this...

GP: YOU CAN'T STOP ME! *jumps out the window*

*The camera pans out to reveal the ground is two inches below the window*

GP: *Runs like an uncle's monkey*

Police Guy #1: You know what I'm wondering?

Police Guy #2: What?

Police Guy #1: What the heck does this have to do with Pikmin?

Police Guy #2: I think it's a sort of inside joke made by the author to amuse himself because he was just bored and wanted a good chuckle.

Police Guy #1: True dat. Want to go get some salad with peanut butter?

Police Guy #2: OOH! My favy!

*We apologize for the delay and now return to the Psychologist's Office for GP's hourly check-up.... Err... I meant back to the fic*

*Last time, on Pikmin 2: The Side You Didn't See!*

Louie: OLIMAR! Watch out! There's a giant-

*Now, we go to where we left off*

Louie: - Onion behind you!

Olimar: *snickers* Oh no! It's eating me ALIVE! *falls over*

Louie: DIE DEVIL-DEATH DOOMSDAY DEVICE! *runs under the Red onion and Pikmin jump out* GAH! They've out-numbered me! *runs away* AHHH!! They're on my tail! I know, I'll lead them into hazards! They won't follow me! *runs through flame gyesers* It's worse than I thought! They're resistant to fire! *suddenly stops running* Man... I'm out of breath... And it seems the same with the Pikmin! HA!... I'm thirsty... *jumps in the pond along with all the Pikmin* Fools! The idiots don't know how to swi- OH MY GOOSE I'M DROWNING! *starts screaming and runs out of the lake.* Whew...

*The remaining Pikmin of the other four colors stare at Louie. They all point at him. Menacingly. With those evil beady little eyes...*

Louie: Oh yeah? INSECT POWERS ACTIVATE! *cheesy super hero music starts playing* Insects... ASSEMBLE!!!

Female Sheargrub: *surfaces* Yo.

Louie: ... Anyone else?

*the ground starts shaking. Louie turns around and sees a Armored Cannon Beetle standing right behind him*

Armored Cannon Beetle: You the one having the pest problem?

Louie: Yep.

Armored Cannon Beetle: Stand back.

Louie: *Stands back and falls over*

White Pikmin: Sir... That thing is monstrous... What are we going to do?

Blue Pikmin: What we always do: Attack. Aimlessly.

*The Pikmin start charging at Armored Cannon Beetle as cool opera music plays*

Louie: You know what I hate? Cliches.

GP: You know what? So do I.

*The Pikmin start charging at Armored Cannon Beetle as cool country music plays*

Armored Cannon Beetle: *fires boulder*

Yellow Pikmin: BOULDER! Retreat in a striaght line right in front of it!

*The Pikmin are crushed by the boulder*

Purple Pikmin's Ghost: Well, the movie cliche of running away in a striaght line instead of side stepping has killed us.... Curse you stupid characters in movies.... Curse you...

Armored Cannon Beetle: It's nice to see that there are some insiders on the other side... I thank you... And all the Bosses thank you.

Louie: *wakes up from nap* Wha-? Who?

Olimar: *Looks around* Well then Louie... You have killed all of our Pikmin.

Louie: Yes I have. Awesome fight huh?

Olimar: And just how long do you think it will be until we are able to grow all of them back?

Louie: At least five chapters, give or take.

Olimar: Tell me, how much are you worth to the President?

Louie: Oh, about 10 Pokos. And he seems desperate to get rid of me too, and would rather have 10 Pokos instead of me. Heck, if someone was to somehow make me dissappear, I have no doubt in my mind that he'd help that someone cover it up. But why do you ask of such things?

Olimar: *pulls out steel bar* Oh, no reason. You might want to turn off the camera though, this will be a little violent.

*screen turns black*

Segmented Crawbster: Hey! You! Yeah, GP! I have something to say to you!

*Screen shows Segmented Crawbster*

Segmented Crawbster: Yeah, I just want to say: WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO YOU!? It used to be about quality chapterage and comedy, but this last chapter was a sham. Sure, maybe I snickered here and there, but the whole thing was a bunch of inside jokes. Go back to writing the way you used to, you know, before this thing looked like it spawned from some n00bs toilet somewhere.

Velociraptors: *Are extinct*

Segmented Crawbsters: You see what I did? That's called feedback. Very important for authors to get strong feedback from their readers. If they don't, then they start spewing junk like this from their keyboard. Heck, if this stunk anymore I'd accuse it of being spam. Maybe you think different. Well, just saying stuff like "HILARIOUS!" Just makes me think you're in denial, so here's what I say you do to prove you aren't a spineless wimp: Reply to this chapter and say what you think of it, such as what was funny, and what was lame, what to keep doing in later chapters and what to stop, and so on.

Velociraptors: *Are no longer living*

Segmented Crawbster: Also, here's a little question I got for you: What was your favorite chapter so far, and more importantly, WHY!? Now, I know you're saying that that's too much work, but guess what? GP has plans. Cool plans. Plans to give back to those who give him feedback. And you're not alone either. From now on, at the end of each chapter, I'll be saying my thoughts along with some questions to help you get started thinking on yours.

GP: Crawbster?

Segmented Crawbster: Yeah?

GP: I'm not paying you to be an English teacher.

Segmented Crawbster: I'm sorry, should I be talking in Spanish?

GP: Just... I don't know... STOP BASHING MY WORK!

Segmented Crawbster: Oh COME ON! I KNOW I'm not alone in saying that this was the worst chapter in the whole fic.

GP: You know what Crawbster? Three letters for ya:

FIN


	9. Chapter 9

-------------------  
Chapter 9: Journey to the Center of Giant Breadbug!  
-------------------

* Later that night, Segmented Crawbster is nervously trying to go to sleep*

Segmented Crawbster: It's just... Not the same... I miss Mr. Whiskers... I miss warm milk... I miss- *suddenly stops and notices something* Wait a minute... is that... * Picks up The Silencer* A doll head? It's cute, but horrifyingly disturbing... And yet... I can't look away... Oh well! *snuggles with it and goes to sleep*

*several hours later, Segmented Crawbster awakens to see all the bosses starring at him.*

Titan Dweevil: I **KNEW** it! Segmented Crawbster was the theif after all!

Segmented Crawbster: Theif!? What in the blazes are you-

*Segmented Crawbster looks down and gasps. Instead of The Silencer, he is snuggling with a bottle cap. He backs away slowly from the other bosses.*

Segmented Crawbster: You guys... You've GOT to believe me! Somebody switched it while I was sleeping! I hate shiny stuff! You all know that!

Titan Dweevil: Hate shiny stuff? Then that could mean only one thing.... *Pulls out sandwich fixin's* He's a witch! Someone get sand and we'll have lunch!

Raging Long-Legs: *on drumset* Bam bum bum CH!

Doodlebug's voice: Mister? Mister?

*Segmented Crawbster wakes up and sees Doodlebug right in front of him*

Segmented Crawbster: Whew... Yeah Doodle, what is it?

Doodlebug: I have a question that nobody wants to answer.... Will you answer it?

Segmented Crawbster: Yeah, sure.... I don't see why not...

Doodlebug: Mister Crawbster... How would you like to **DIE NOW!?**

Segmented Crawbster: Wait, what was that last part? I had something in my none-existant ear.

Doodlebug: I mean, it's just going to be a matter of time before all the bosses are slaughtered by the Pikmin. You guys haven't made a single preventive measure against them.... EVER. You're too caught up in your own little lives to realize that a bunch of singing carrots with conquer the world! And besides, LET GO OF MY DS YOU STUPID SLUG!

*Segmented Crawbster wakes up again and finds himself in a middle of a meeting*

Segmented Crawbster: Woah, that's the last time I ever dose off in the middle of a meeting, those dreams were funkay!

Raging Long-Legs: Hey everybody! Segmented's awake! You know what that means...

Everybody but Segmented: It's time to pinch his cheeks!

Segmented Crawbster: AHHH! *is pinched* It's my childhood all over again! Get them off!

*Segmented Crawbster wakes up again (sick of this yet? Don't worry, it's over.) to find Emperor Bulblax pinching him on the cheek*

Segmented Crawbster: *Throws Emperor off with his meaty claw* Get off of me you dang dirty bulborb!

Emperor Bulborb: Mommy! The mean crab thing said I was dirty!

Widow Empress: Well, maybe if you took more baths others wouldn't point out the obvious so much.

Emperor Bulblax: But mommy! You never take baths!

Everyone: *Gasp*

Widow Empress: Nonesense. Would you really like to watch me take a bath?

Everyone: Heck no!

Widow Empress: You're just jealous because I'm beautiful.

Everyone: *throws up*

Emperor Bulblax: You see mommy, if you weren't such an ugly old hag, maybe others wouldn't point it out so much.

Widow Empress: -_-... You're grounded.

Emperor Bulblax: No I'm not!

Widow Empress: Hmm... Yeah, you're right, you've learned your lesson.

Emperor Bulblax: No, I haven't!

Widow Empress: Don't be silly ^_^.

Emperor Bulblax: Mom, why can't you stop acting like such a-

Titan Dweevil: MUHUGWAHAHAHBWAHAHAHA!!! It is finished!

Ranging Bloyster: What's finished?

Raging Long-Legs: The plan to solve our little problem! You see, we shall go INTO Giant Breadbug!

Waterwraith: *shrieks* NOOO! NOT THE DARK PLACE! ANYTHING BUT THE DARK PLACE! *gets in fetal position*

Pileated Snagret: No offense or anything- Wait a second, I do mean offense. That has got to be the single DUMBEST thing I've ever heard.

Raging Long-Legs: I know it sounds crazy, but Titan here will show off how we plan to do it. Titan?

Titan Dweevil: Yes... For you all see... BEHOLD! *lifts curtain* I bring you this fantastic cutrain! Can we start the bidding at 100 Pokos?

Emperor Bulblax: 200!

Doodlebug: 1,000!

Titan Dweevil: SOLD! To th little hyperactive kid who farts like a mule!

Pileated Snagret: Doodlebug, you know you can't pay for that.

Doodlebug: HA! Obviously, you've never seen my... FINANCE FART! *farts*

Money: *comes flying out of.... err... You know where* (THE LIGHT!) (I CAN SEE THE LIGHT!) (And it is good.)

Ranging Bloyster: *looks out the kitchen window* How the heck did they fly in randomnly like that?

Doodlebug: Great question! And the answer is... Titan?

Titan Dweevil: You see, kitchen windows are used all the time in ever day life, from cooling off cats to washing pies, but the most important thing about them is- *is hit in the face by shoe*

Pileated Snagret: BOOOO! Last time you gave a speech like this, I had crazy dreams about gnomes dancing on trampolines! No more preaching stupidity!

Ranging Bloyster: Wait a minute, how'd you throw a shoe if you don't have any arms?

Pileated Snagret: Very observant! And the answer is... Titan?

Titan Dweevil: This beautiful shiny pen! *holds up pen* Let's start the bidding at 500 Pokos!

Ranging Bloyster: Oh! Oh! 700 Pokos right here!

Titan Dweevil: Anyone? Anyone at all?

Ranging Bloyster: ME YOU IDIOT! I want that pen!

Titan Dweevil: Nobody wants it? Not even Ranging?

Ranging Bloyster: I SAID I'D GIVE YOU 700 POKOS FOR IT!

Titan Dweevil: What's that? You'll give me the official title of "Ruler of the Shiny Stuff"? SOLD! To the stupid slug up front!

Segmented Crawbster: Listen, I don't see what the big freakin' deal is about the title.

Titan Dweevil: It can do stuff that money can't.

Pileated Snagret: You're right! It can make you look like an idiot!... Wait, no... Money can do that too... So what can it do?

Titan Dweevil: It can buy friends.

Segmented Crawbster: That's the dumbest thing I've ev-

Ranging Bloyster: Nah, he's got a point there.

Raging Long-Legs: I think that's enough of this meeting's auction, now we can start showing off our plan. Titan? Will you please show the audience the notes?

Titan Dweevil: Certainly *pulls down chart and starts pointing at it* You see, here, we have mean old Mr. Pie-chart. Pie-chart is a grump. Why, just the other day Mr. Squiggly-line wanted to borrow a cup of sugar, and do you know what he did? HE SICKED HIS ITALIAN PLUMBER ON HIM! As you can see here, -plumber is jumping from bar to bar trying to-

Waterwraith: Titan? One question?

Titan Dweevil: Yes?

Waterwraith: Did you do all that by yourself?

Titan Dweevil: Almost, Raging helped with the Italian Plumber.

Raging Long-Legs: Yeah, couldn't help myself there ^_^.

Waterwraith: Well, there's my tax dollars at work...

Tax dollars: *are being lazy in Florida*

Waterwraith:... Or not.

MAL: *shoots chart* (That's enough stupidity for one day, thank you.)

Disco Ball: (MAL? Did I ever tell you how attractive you look while you mercilessly blow things up with that laser-guided machine gun of yours?)

MAL: (Nope.)

Discor Ball: (Oh, ok, just making sure. I know I'd look like a complete idiot if I did.)

MAL: (Yeah, you would)

Titan Dweevil: Raging?

Raging Long-Legs: Yes?

Titan Dweevil: What the heck is your bro doing to my girlfriend?

Raging Long-Legs: It's hard to tell. The only things I've ever seen him do are shoot stuff and sleep.

Titan Dweevil: Ahh... The natural cycle of life...

Raging Long-Legs: Right, right, anyway, allow me to show you all... *turns on light in the background which reveals a giant machine*

Titan Dweevil: It's shiny! Don't forget it!

*Right, it's shiny. And big. And there's a control panel and a pad that all the bosses could easily fit on.*

Raging Long-Legs: Right, so using this machine, we will be shrunken down to a very cellular level and enter Giant Breadbug's body, and vanquish the emotion of pure evil that lurks inside of him. As there is no doubt that only a cruel hearted one with the desire to kill could do such a horrid thing to him and his other emotions.

Waterwraith: Wait, does that mean all of us?

Ranging Bloyster: Why? What's wong? Is the poow wittle waterwuss ascawed?

Waterwraith: No, it's just that with no one out here, who's gonna beam us out when we're done?

Ranging Bloyster: Lemme guess, you want to be the first to volunteer because you're scawed? *turns to Raging* But seriously, if there's an open spot out here, I'll take it.

Raging Long-Legs: Don't worry guys, I already got it covered. You see, I told Doodlebug to come to this meeting, because he'll be operating the machinery. Titan's briefing him right now.

Titan Dweevil: Now Doodlebug, pay attention! This button here... Can you tell me what it is?

Doodlebug: It's shiny!

Titan Dweevil: CORRECT! And what about this one?

Doodlebug: It's shiny!

Titan Dweevil:....Annnd?

Doodlebug: But it isn't nearly as shiny as the other one!

Titan Dweevil: Congrats! You now know everything about this thing that I know, and I designed it.

Pileated Snagret: I'm just checking, I'm included in all of your wills right?

Raging Long-Legs: I think so, why?

Pileated Snagret: I'm just making sure, so when- I mean if -a horrible accident occurs, I'll have something to remember you all by. (That's right, remember 'em by... *snickers*)

Raging Long-Legs: Alright... Before we go, I need to warn all of you...

Segmented Crawbster: You mean that this thing will collapse upon us and kill us the second we use it?

Raging Long-Legs: Exactly. And there's something else.

Segmented Crawbster: What?

Raging Long-Legs: Well, seeing how we didn't have time to perfect this machine... When it shrinks something, it seriously messes up their mind. No, it doesn't harm it, but we'll start to behave much, MUCH, more different than we usually do than when we're normal size. You have been warned...

Doodlebug: *at controls* WEEE! Buttons are fun!

Titan Dweevil: *ahem*

Doodlebug: Oh... Right, sorry: WEEE! Shiny buttons are fun!

Titan Dweevil: ^_^ You have learned well, grasshopper.

*all the bosses step on to the pad*

Raging Long-Legs: Ready? Throw the switch Doodlebug!

Doodlebug: *throws switch and it hits Emperor Bulblax on the head*

Raging Long-Legs: No, the other switch!

Doodlebug: Oh, right. *pulls switch, and all the bosses vanish*

*Nununununnnuuununuunununuuunuunununuunu*

*Titan Dweevil appears in the control room of a battle ship. He has a finely combed moustache.*

Titan Dweevil: Well then... I seem to still be in one piece.... Rather blinding in here with all the shiny gadgets though...

MAL: *appears wearing a top hat* Pip-pip, cherrio good chap, strapping day isn't it?

Titan Dweevil: Yes it is.

MAL: Hmm... My... What do you call them... Fillius hasn't showed up yet, has he?

Titan Dweevil: Your brother? Nope, not yet anyhow.

MAL: I do say chap, whoever designed this room has some serious issues to work out. Why, it's almost blinding!

Raging Long-Legs: *appears wearing a propeller hat* WOOO! DO-IT-AGAIN! DO-IT-AGAIN!

Titan Dweevil: It seems you enjoyed your trip.

Raging Long-Legs: Yep! I can't wait 'till next _fall_! *takes out minature drum-set* Bah-bum-bum-CH!

MAL: Well then, it seems my brother's new found wit is a sharp as his face.

Emperor Bulblax: *appears with white frizzy hair and glasses* And my wit is as sharp as the mightiest sword in all the land!

MAL: Now, now, good chap, violence is the way of the barbarian, formerly known as "the French".

Waterwraith: *appears wearing a knight's helmet and holding a sword* How else are you supposed to smite the evil!? Evil shall be destroyed! None shall survive my mighty blade! *starts swinging sword around madly*

MAL: Pip-pip, cherrio, even so, chap, I shan't harm a fly.

Fly: *French accent* Ze queen Ez Joe MOMA!

MAL: *shoots fly* Except for the French. I hate the French.

Emperor Bulblax: So, can we get going yet?

Titan Dweevil: Nope, we have to wait for the rest to arrive.

Emperor Bulblax: But these idiots are lowering my staggering IQ! My head hurts from their stupidity!

Pileated Snagret: *appears wearing a white shirt that says "Don't worry, be happy! :)"* Your head hurts? You can use mine!

Titan Dweevil: Errr.... No thanks...

Pileated Snagret: How about my spleen? I'll pay you 25 dollars to use my spleen!

Ranging Bloyster: *appears wearing sunglasses* But don't you see the truth?

Titan Dweevil: What?

Ranging Bloyster: *turns dramatically* There is no spleen.

MAL: I say chap, what do you mean "no spleen"?

Ranging Bloyster: There is no spleen. Just like you have no face.

Raging Long-Legs: OHH! BURNED!

Ranging Bloyster: And just like you have no brain.

Raging Long-Legs: OHH! DOUBLE-BURNED!

Titan Dweevil: Ok, this idiot's starting to get on my nerves.

Emperor Bulblax: Pardon my French-

MAL: *snarls*

Emperor Bulblax: Err... I mean, pardon my English, but which one do you mean?

Titan Dweevil: Touche-

MAL: *snarls again at Titan*

Titan Dweevil: I mean good point.

Segmented Crawbster: *appears with huge anime eyes* Awww! Look at the adorable little scientist! *starts pinching Emperor Bulblax's cheeks*

Emperor Bulblax: *somehow throws Segmented Crawbster off of him* What do you think I am, some cute little rodent created for the sole prupose of snuggling and being irresistible?

Segmented Crawbster:... Yes.

Titan Dweevil: You know, you have to respect his brutal honesty.

Widow Empress: *appears, extremely skinny and with black hair covering face* Brutal.. Such a nice word... Dark, wretched, and evil... like pain...

Emperor Bulblax: Well, my mom hasn't changed that much-

Widow Empress: I love famine. It's so painful. I've been starving myself. It's fun to put pain on yourself.

Segmented Crawbster: EEEECK! *hides behind Waterwraith* Make the bad lady go away!

Waterwraith: EVIL! MUST....SMITE..... **EVIL**!!! *leaps at Widow Empress*

Widow Empress: -_-.... *spits at Waterwraith*

Waterwraith: *suddenly stops* AHH! My pure water has been contaminated by EVIL! AHHH! * runs around in circles screaming*

Pileated Snagret: Seriously woman, you have some issues you need to work out.

Widow Empress: Yes, I've noticed I'm not nearly enough depressed in life, but I have been working on poetry to express the pains of being misunderstood.

Raging Long-Legs: More like the pains of being a FREAK!

Emperor Bulblax:... *coughs* No comment.

Titan Dweevil: Is this everybody?

Emperor Bulblax: I don't care, I'm blasting off anyway. I can't take these guys much longer.

*the ship starts shaking and blasts off*

Titan Dweevil: Say, where are we anyway?

Emperor Bulblax: In one of his stomaches, but the guy has so many of them it's like a maze. I need full concentration.

Ranging Bloyster: There is no maze.

Titan Dweevil: Please... Shut up Ranging....

Ranging Bloyster: There is no up.

Titan Dweevil: Tell me something: Why are you so annoying?

Ranging Bloyster: Because I choose to.

Titan Dweevil: *sighs* *whispers somehing to Waterwraith*

Waterwraith: *stares at Ranging Bloyster* EVIL! I SHALL SMITE THEE! *starts beating Ranging over the head with a baseball bat*

Ranging Bloyster: Ouch- There is - Ouch - No baseball bat - Ouch...

Emperor Bulblax: That's it, just keep on beating him until he stops moving.

Sirens: *go off* ENEMY! ENEMY! ENEMY! Dude, how many times do I have to scream it? ENEMY SHIPS APPRAOCHING!

*everybody looks out the windshield and sees two ships flying toward them*

Titan Dweevil: QUICK! Blow 'em up!

Emperor Bulblax: I would, but the idiots who designed this thing forgot to include weapons!

Raging Long-Legs: HA! They must've been the biggest idiots who ever walked the Earth.

Emperor Bulblax: That's all one of them could do, Raging.

Titan Dweevil: MAL! Blow them up!

MAL: Are they French?

Titan Dweevil: Probably not.

MAL: Then NO.

Ranging Bloyster: There are - Ouch - No enemies - ouch -...

Segmented Crawbster: *starts snuggling Emperor Bulblax* I DON'T WANNA DIE!!

Emperor Bulblax: I said DON'T SNUGGLE ME!

Pileated Snagret: You can snuggle with me if you want to :).

Segmented Crawbster: YAYZ! *snuggles*

Titan Dweevil: *takes picture* Heh heh heh... I KNOW this disturbing Kodak moment will come in handy one day...

Widow Empress: Oh, what joy is mine... To finally die...

Waterwraith: *stops beating Ranging Bloyster* My arm is tired...

Ranging Bloyster: Guys... All you have to do is believe.... Believe in yourself...

Emperor Bulblax: Will somebody PLEASE shut up this guy? I'm sick of his inspirational quotes!

Ranging Bloyster: Pfft, fine, don't believe me... I believe me... *tail starts glowing orange*

MAL: Errr... Everything okay chap?

Titan Dweevil: WOAH! guys! Check it out!

*everyone looks through the windsheild again and see the two ships shaking. Suddenly, they ram right into each other and go boom*

Ranging Bloyster: You see? There was nothing to cry about in the first place.

Titan Dweevil: Bu-.... How-.... Wha-....

Giant Breadbug: I dunno, but that was cool!

Raging Long-Legs: Sure was!

Emperor Bulblax: AH! What are you doing here!?

Giant Breadbug: *ahem* Allow me to introduce myself. I am "Hope". I snuck aboard your ship while those other two ships filled with the remaining surivivors malfunctioned and crashed into each other.

Ranging Bloyster: That's right, they malfunctioned.... _

"Hope": I know you've been wondering what happened, and who caused the corruption, and it was "Love".

Titan Dweevil: Wait-.... Wait... Wait... Wait....

"Hope": Yes?

Titan Dweevil: You mean to tell me the emotion dedicated to peace and happiness to all was the one that mercilessly killed all the other emotions?

Widow Empress: Yes. Love is evil. It is the biggest lie one can tell.

Emperor Bulblax: Nobody asked you goth-lady.

"Hope": Yeah, it happens all the time.

Pileated Snagret: *walks in with a tray filled with cookies* Heya folks!

Everyone: *stares nervously at Pileated Snagret*

Pileated Snagret: ...What? Doesn't anybody want cookies?

"Hope": Well, the only way we can defeat "Love" is to unlock "Survival". "Survival" Is the most powerful of us all, he can literally do anything. He's locked deep in the central core, which is located just a little bit to your left.

Emperor Bulblax: *looks out window* Would you fancy that...

MAL: I say, that was mighty good placement, wouldn't you say chap?

"Hope": We need to get in there, open up the lock, and get him out of there. Then, he can set everything straight in here.

*The ship stops and everyone gets off in the central core*

Titan Dweevil: Well, that was easy enough. How hard could opening this lock be?

"Love": Very hard, for I shall assure you of your death before you'll even see it.

Pileated Snagret: For a guy named "Love", you sure are violent. Whatever happened to peace on Earth and free baked goods?

"Love": This... *Three guns pop out of his body, a big, medium and small one.*

Pileated Snagret: This won't end well, will it?

"Love": No... It won't.... *fires guns, but three signes pop out of them* What the...

Big gun: "I'm on vacation"

Medium gun: "Home sick."

Small gun: "WAAAASSSAAA!"

"Love": Grrr... Fine... I don't need weapons to-

Segmented Crawbster: Awww.... He's so adorable! *starts snuggling*

"Love" Get him off! I can't breath! AHH!

Titan Dweevil: Incredible. He actually came in handy.

*Meanwhile.... In the big world*

Antenna Beetle: *Drops in* YO! I gots a message for a "Raging Long-Legs". You know where he is?

Doodlebug: *practicing farting* Nope.

Antenna Beetle: *notices machine* Hey, what does this thing do? *jumps on the pad and looks around*

Doodlebug: I dunno, I just remember pulling this lever and all the bosses vanishing... *pulls lever, and Antenna Beetle vanishes* Oops...

TO BE FIN'D


	10. Chapter 10

Well folks... Here it is.... The shocking conclusion!

-------------------------  
Chapter 10: Journey to the Center of Giant Breadbug! (Part 2)  
-------------------------

*Last time.... On Pikmin 2:The Side You Didn't See...*

Titan Dweevil: I **KNEW** it! Segmented Crawbster was the theif after all!

Doodlebug: Mister Crawbster... How would you like to **DIE NOW!?**

Widow Empress: Well, maybe if you took more baths others wouldn't point out the obvious so much.

Waterwraith: *shrieks* NOOO! NOT THE DARK PLACE! ANYTHING BUT THE DARK PLACE! *gets in fetal position*

Titan Dweevil: SOLD! To the little hyperactive kid who farts like a mule!

Ranging Bloyster: *looks out the kitchen window* How the heck did they fly in randomnly like that?

Titan Dweevil: Anyone? Anyone at all?

Pileated Snagret: You're right! It can make you look like an idiot!... Wait, no... Money can do that too... So what can it do?

Titan Dweevil: Certainly *pulls down chart and starts pointing at it* You see, here, we have mean old Mr. Pie-chart. Pie-chart is a grump. Why, just the other day Mr. Squiggly-line wanted to borrow a cup of sugar, and do you know what he did? HE SICKED HIS ITALIAN PLUMBER ON HIM! As you can see here, -plumber is jumping from bar to bar trying to-

Tax dollars: *are being lazy in Florida*

Raging Long-Legs: It's hard to tell. The only things I've ever seen him do are shoot stuff and sleep.

Waterwraith: Wait, does that mean all of us?

Titan Dweevil: Now Doodlebug, pay attention! This button here... Can you tell me what it is?

Pileated Snagret: I'm just checking, I'm included in all of your wills right?

Segmented Crawbster: You mean that this thing will collapse upon us and kill us the second we use it?

Titan Dweevil: ^_^ You have learned well, grasshopper.

Doodlebug: Oh, right. *pulls switch, and all the bosses vanish*

MAL: *appears wearing a top hat* Pip-pip, cherrio good chap, strapping day isn't it?

Raging Long-Legs: Yep! I can't wait 'till next _fall!_ *takes out minature drum-set* Bah-bum-bum-CH!

Fly: *French accent* Ze queen Ez Joe MOMA!

Ranging Bloyster: *appears wearing sunglasses* But don't you see the truth?

Raging Long-Legs: OHH! BURNED!

Titan Dweevil: I mean good point.

Segmented Crawbster: EEEECK! *hides behind Waterwraith* Make the bad lady go away!

Emperor Bulblax:... *coughs* No comment.

Ranging Bloyster: Ouch- There is - Ouch - No baseball bat - Ouch...

MAL: Are they French?

Segmented Crawbster: YAYZ! *snuggles*

Ranging Bloyster: That's right, they malfunctioned.... _

Pileated Snagret: *walks in with a tray filled with cookies* Heya folks!

"Love": Very hard, for I shall assure you of your death before you'll even see it.

Small gun: "WAAAASSSAAA!"

Doodlebug: *practicing farting* Nope.

Antenna Beetle: *notices machine* Hey, what does this thing do? *jumps on the pad and looks around*

*Then again... I suppose you could've just scrolled up and see it yourself... But... Meh. This is for those lazy types.*

*If you skipped the above because it was too long, don't worry, I've got a shortened version here. Ready?*

*Stuff Happened*

*There. Can someone tell me where I was before I told you all what happened? There, I see it.*

*There. Can someone tell me where I was before I told you all what happened? There, I see it.*

*Huh, that felt strangely familiar.*

*What's that? The chapter? Don't be stupoid nobody's reading- WHAT!? This thing has to be out on tomorrow? But that's... 1....2... 34 minutes from now! Why don't you tell me these things? What? I am you? Well, why didn't I say so? I swear, sometimes I behave like a total idiot, I should act like me from now on.*

*Anyhow, the Bosses were in the middle of a dramatic battle with "Love".*

Segmented Crawbster: Who's a cute guy? WHO'S A CUTE GUY!? *continues snuggling "Love"*

"Love": Can't.... Breath...

*THE SUSPENSE! How does "Love plan to get out of this? Just imagine the thoughts going through his mind and he carefully plans-*

"Love": *stops moving*

Segmented Crawbster: HEY! Keep moving! *squeezes*

"Love": *still doesn't move*

Segmented Crawbster: *squeezes harder*

"Love": *Doesn't move harder*

Segmented Crawbster: *squeezes as hard as he can*

"Love": *Spine is severed, killing him instantly*

*INTENSE!*

Titan Dweevil: WOO! Victory is ours!

? ?: Or so you think...

Titan Dweevil: Who's there?

Antenna Beetle: *appears wearing a cape* MUHUHAHAHA! BOW DOWN TO YOUR NEW MASTER!

MAL: Cherrio, don't start acting like those French people with their "Bowing down" blasphemey.

Antenna Beetle: Ha! The French are't nearly as bad as those bloody English!

MAL:.... Chap... If you value your life, not only will you take back what you just said, you will start to talk without swearing.

Antenna Beetle: Why can't I bloody swear?

MAL: Because there are ladies present.... *glances at Widow Empress*.... Or... At least in body if not spirit...

Widow Empress: *staring at a fire* Yes.... Burn... Burn and consume all in your flames of might and destruction...

Pileated Snagret: AHHH! You're burning my entire "Remember kids: Playing with fire isn't fun! :)" T-Shirt collection! WHY!?

Widow Empress: To prove you wrong.

Pileated Snagret:.... Huh.... I guess I can't argue with that logic...

Antenna Beetle: Listen... I don't know how to say this in English, so I'll say it in my home language: Les anglais sucent! Je déteste l'anglais! Take these words of wisdom to heart with you.

MAL:... You.... You're French?

Antenna Beetle:*pulls out and wears French moustache* Vrai! Et, pendant que l'homme français je suis, je vous promets que je verrai à lui personnellement que toute l'écume anglaise mourra une longue et douloureuse mort. Je commencerai par vous d'abord.

MAL: Titan, you and the others go find "Survival", I'll handle this guy.

Titan Dweevil: Ok! *leaves with the rest of them*

MAL:*arms gun* I'll see you in heck! AKA Paris! *fires*.

Antenna Beetle: *hits MAL before he does*

MAL: Wait... CUT! Stop it, you cheating French fool!

Antenna Beetle: Ce qui!? Qu'ilest- il ce temps? Juste parce que je suis meilleur que vous pourriez jamais être parce que je suis français et vous êtes anglais ne signifie pas que je triche! Il s'appelle compétence, et rien d'autre.

MAL: *sighs* Are you familiar with the rules of pitched combat?

Antenna Beetle: Eh... No, not really. We French tend to-

MAL: -Eat snails, I know. First rule of combat is you have to speak in English. No French. We have to understand what you're saying.

Antenna Beetle: What? That's not fair!

MAL: Neither is it fair that you god-mod EVERYTIME you French have an encounter with the British!

Antenna Beetle: We prefer to call it "Unappreciated skill".

MAL: Well, here, there is no god-moding, you hear?

Antenna Beetle: Fine... Fine... Can we just get on with it?

MAL: Yes... Let's.... You dang dirty Frenchman...

*And so they begin their dramatic fight.*

*Meanwhile, Titan Dweevil and the others come to a fork in the road*

Titan Dweevil: Oh crud... Left or right... Left or right.... Which way do I go?

Ranging Bloyster: You know which way to go.

Titan Dweevil: No I don't, that's why I asked. I want to know which way to choose.

Ranging Bloyster: You've already made the choice, now you need to know why you made it.

Titan Dweevil: ARGhhh... Waterwraith! There's evil AFOOT! *points at Ranging Bloyster*

Waterwraith: Don't be silly, he doesn't have a foot, so he can't be evil.

Titan Dweevil: *glues plastic foot to Ranging Bloyster*

Waterwraith: O_O *charges*

Raging Long-Legs: Hmm... Strange... That foot seems.... Somehow familiar...

*FLASH*

Raging Long-Legs: *runs in the room* Hey Titan! Guess what?

Titan Dweevil: What?

Raging Long-Legs: *shows Titan Dweevil box* It finally came!

Titan Dweevil: YAY! A box! A stupid, good-for-nothing, not-shiny box!

Raging Long-Legs: No, no... *opens box and shows Titan Dweevil plastic foot* It's a part of Nintendo's new advertising slogan "Touching is STILL good." Because they sent hands last time, it's feet this time!

Titan Dweevil:.... I don't get it. Aren't four feet enough?

Raging Long-Legs: Yeah, but this foot is from Nintendo, which makes it PWN more than anything else.

*FLASH*

Raging Long-Legs: Hmm... I wonder.... *propeller on hat starts spinning* WEEEEE!!

Emperor Bulblax: Using my giant meaty brain.... I predict going left will lead us to him.

Titan Dweevil: Well, you can be wrong...

Emperor Bulblax: That, and the map is right in front of you.

Titan Dweevil: *notices map* ... Oh. *runs down the left path*

*The bosses come across a giant door, and in the center there are two screens vertical from each other and a "Begin" button*

"Hope": This is it! This is the mighty door blocking him! We now must pass the difficult trial to free him...

Titan Dweevil: No use just sitting here, let's see what it is... *presses the "Begin" button*

Screen: Can you score 100 points in Gnarly Mix?

Titan Dweevil: Umm... I guess so.

Screen: PROVE IT! *Starts up Gnarly Mix, which throws games at you which you must beat in two seconds or you lose*

Titan Dweevil: Great, a DS game. Now where's that stylus?

Ranging Bloyster: There is no stylus.

Titan Dweevil: NOT NOW-!

Raging Long-Legs: Nah, he's right. There is no stylus.

Screen: GAME OVER! YOU STINK!

Titan Dweevil: Charming, the lock has a sense of humor.

*The floor under Titan Dweevil opens and he falls in*

Emperor Bulblax: Titan!? NOOO!!

Widow Empress: A game that kills you when you lose? I must remember to buy one for my kids.

Pileated Snagret: I think I understand why you roll over your children all the time.

Emperor Bulblax: It doesn't matter, without a stylus we can't beat it...

Ranging Bloyster: Step aside, I can handle it.

"Hope": How?

Ranging Bloyster: *pulls out tongues* I have something better than a stylus. *presses "Begin"*

Screen: HAHA! You're going to lose! *starts up Gnarly Mix*

Ranging Bloyster: *starts scribbling on the screen furiously with his tongues* How do you like 'dem spoons?

Emperor Bulblax: So... What are we going to do while we're waiting for him to win?

Antenna Beetle: *flies through wall and crashes* AHH! MERCY!

MAL: *Jumps throuh the hole in the wall* You should know better than to be French. *aims gun* I guess it's too late for you chap. Any last requests?

Antenna Beetle: Just one.

MAL: What is it?

Antenna Beetle: DON'T KILL ME!

MAL: Sorry, we're fresh out of that. *suddenly beeper goes off* TEA TIME!

*table appears out of nowhere with tea and crumpets*

MAL: I say chap, take a seat. It's tea time and you don't want it to get cold, do you? *sips tea*

Antenna Beetle: ... Woah.... *Hits MAL across the face with surfboard* That was way too easy. *notices Ranging Bloyster* Oh no! If he lets "Survival" get out, I'll be done for! *dashes toward him*

Waterwraith: *steps in Antenna Beetle's way* Hold it EVIL scum!

Antenna Beetle: What is it?

Waterwraith: If you want to get to him you have to go through ME!

Antenna Beetle: *sighs* Ok... *walks through Waterwraith*

Waterwraith: Grrr... That's not what I meant! *draws sword* Ha! I bet you can't draw anything better!

Antenna Beetle:*draws a picture of a kitty* How about that?

Waterwraith:... Hmm... Can you handle _this_? *draws a perfect sphere*

Antenna Beetle: Impressive. *draws a dragon*

Waterwraith: Most impressive. *draws a surfboard*

Antenna Beetle: .... Surfboard.... Dude... I feel some distant part of me awakening.... DUDE! DUDE!... Ok, now that that's over.... *pulls out surfboard* Enough of this drawing contest, allow us to have a civilized way of deciding who is better.

Waterwraith: Yes... We shall beat each other into a bloody pulp in an epic fight that could've easily been avoided via compromise. *pulls out sword*

*And so they began their incredible epic fight which lasted only 0.2 seconds when Antenna Beetle smashed his surfboard into Waterwraith's helmet*

Waterwraith: AHH! THE NOISE! *suddenly turns solid* Oh great... I forgot this happens when I hear a loud noise...

Antenna Beetle: *whacks Waterwraith across the room into a wall.* That was simple, who's next? How about you? *walks up to Pileated Snagret*

Pileated Snagret: Listen man, why can't we just talk this out? I just baked some cookies!

Antenna Beetle: Really?

Pileated Snagret: *pulls out tray filled with cookies* Yup ^_^. How about a truce?

Antenna Beetle:.... Nah. *hits Pileated Snagret across the face with surfboard and eats cookie* MMM...

Pileated Snagret: I guess now would be a good time to let you know that I made those cookies out of soy milk!

Antenna Beetle: *spits out cookies* MY MOUTH! AHHH! I'M MELTING! I'M MELTING-

Pileated Snagret: Don't be silly, soy milk can't kill you, it just tastes like carp.

Antenna Beetle: THERE'S A DIFFERENCE!?

Pileated Snagret: *shrugs* Guess not.

Antenne Beetle: *runs screaming to the bathroom*

Raging Long-Legs: WOAH! You already passed the 80 line!

Emperor Bulblax: Better make it the 85 line, he's flying through these way fast!

Raging Long-Legs: Well, in the time it takes for me to say this sentence he'll be at 90! Look, there he is!

Antenna Beetle: *runs out of the bathroom* NO! I won't let you!

*Everything starts happening in slow mo as cheesy inspirational music plays*

Screen: 91!

Antenna Beetle: *jumps in the air and hits Pileated Snagret in the face*

Screen: 92!

Antenna Beetle: *is snuggled by Segmented Crawbster*

Screen: 93!

Antenna Beetle: *hits Segmented Crawbster upside the head with surfboard*

Screen: 94!

Segmented Crawbster: *sniffles*

Screen: 95!

Antenna Beetle: *hits Segmented Crawbster into the wall with surfboard*

Screen: 96!

Doodlebug: *farts in slow mo*

Screen: 97!

Everyone with noses: *covers noses in disgust*

Screen: 98!

Antenna Beetle: *leaps over Widow Empress at Ranging Bloyster*

Screen: 99!

Antenna Beetle: NOOOO! *whacks Ranging Bloyster across the face with surfboard*

Screen: 100! YOU ROCK!

*slow mo ends*

Antenna Beetle: NOO! Why!?

*The door opens as a Giant Breadbug made of light appears*

"Survival": .... *looks around*... *burps*

*There is a great flash of black light (What? Can't I be original for a change?) and everything is fixed and fine. Except for "Love", he's dead.*

Titan Dweevil: I'M ALIVE! WOOO!

Emperor Bulblax: Doodlebug! Our job here is done! Warp us out!

Doodlebug: Yessir! *farts*

*nunnununununnuununuuununununununuunuu*

*All the bosses reappear on the pad and start partying*

Waterwraith: Yes! I'm alive!

Ranging Bloyster: You see Waterwuss? Nothing to worry about.

Titan Dweevil: *snuggles with Disco Ball* I'll never leave you again as long as I live!

Disco Ball: (That's.... Fabulous.)

MAL: (I'm back! I can shoot stuff! I can.... Still not talk...)

Disco Ball: (Oh well, things could be worse...)

Titan Dweevil: Everybody! May I please have your attention?

*Everyone stops talking and looks at Titan Dweevil*

Titan Dweevil: You see folks, we've been through a lot. Heck, I almost died. Being so close to the sudden end, I have decided to do what I've always dreamed of... *turns to Disco Ball and kneels*

Disco Ball: (Oh no... You HAVE to be kidding me...)

MAL: (I believe things just got worse.)

Titan Dweevil: Disco Ball... Will you marry me? *pulls out ring with Pearly Clamp Clamp's Pearl on it*

Disco Ball: (HECK NO!! NEVER! I WON'T DO IT! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, DEAD, INSANE, OR SANE!)

Velociraptors: *are extinct*

Raging Long-Legs: Err... What'd she say?

Titan Dweevil: YES! She says YES! *puts ring on Disco Ball*

Disco Ball: (MAL! Shoot him! Shoot him 'till you see the red of his intestines!)

MAL: *fires gun, but foam comes out* (What the-?)

Raging Long-Legs: (HA! You still think guns PWN feet?)

Titan Dweevil: You're all invited to the wedding! It's the day after tommorrow, in the Dream Den!

Segmented Crawbster: Please, like we'd actually like to-

Titan Dweevil: I have amassed over 900 different varieties of cake, nachos, pizza, and more just for the occasion.

Segmented Crawbster: -miss it. I'll be there.

Waterwraith: No, you won't. You're still on the dare, remember?

Segmented Crawbster: RAGING! PLEASE! GET ME OFF! I CAN'T MISS THIS THING!

Raging Long-Legs: I dunno...

Segmented Crawbster: I'll take back what I said about you being Geeky!

Raging Long-Legs: Ok, sure, just-... What did you say?

Segmented Crawbster: I said I'd take back what I said about you being Geeky...

Raging Long-Legs:... (Could it be? Could I have overlooked this possibility?) Maybe... I'll think about it. We still have one more day.

Titan Dweevil: I want to see you all here tomorrow, for the main planning and everything. I'm going to need some of your help to get this to go perfecty.

Raging Long-Legs: Alright then! This meeting is over!

*Everyone cheers again and leaves the room, except for Segmented Crawbster*

Titan Dweevil: Hey, Raging?

Raging Long-Legs: Yeah?

Titan Dweevil: Well, I've been planning out the wedding, and appearently I need something called a "best man". I was wondering...

Raging Long-Legs: If I could be it?

Titan Dweevil: What are you, nuts!? Of course not! I was talking about your shiny DS!

Raging Long-Legs: *sighs* Listen, if this is about me accusing you of trying to kill me, I'm sorry. I've discovered who is up to it *glances at Segmented Crawbster*.

Titan Dweevil: But what makes you think that loser try to kill us?

Raging Long-Legs: When he was begging for me to let him go, he said he'd take back what he said about me being Geeky. The bombs... They were addressed to a Geeky Long-Legs!

Titan Dweevil: *gasp*

Raging Long-Legs: Yeah... And to think I thought it was you...

Titan Dweevil: But... Why? We're totally awesome, especially me, and especially my shiny weapons of PWNage.

Raging Long-Legs: I'm not sure. I think it has something to do with the fact that he always screams at us about us wasting huge chunks of his life with pointless meetings, but I could be off.

Titan Dweevil: Well... I accept your apologies.

*They both leave the room*

*Meanwhile... In the shadows somewhere*

?: UGH! I can't believe it! We failed!

? #2: I had no idea that it would help them! I thought they'd all fail and die!

?: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! You were with them, you could've killed them all!

? #2: I'm sorry! I... I hesitated...

?: Ergh... It will take more than sorry to make up for this failure. WE WERE SO CLOSE!

? #2: We still have a chance. In fact... I just got an idea...

?: Hmm? what is it?

? #2: *whispers something*

?: BRILLIANT! Tell him immediately!

? #2: Will do!

*Meanwhile, with Emperor Bulblax...*

Antenna Beetle: Hey DUDE! I got a message for you from a "Raging Long Legs". Want to hear it?

Emperor Bulblax: Ok!

Antenna Beetle: "Hey, Emperor, I just wanted to let you know that the Pikmin passed your cave without noticing! It's safe to go back!"

Emperor Bulblax: SWEET! I was getting sick of living with my mom anyway. WOO! *runs off*

*meanwhile, on his way to the Glutton's Kitchen*

Giant Breadbug: This is awesome... I'm saved, and NOBODY cares. They might as well let me die...

Antenna Beetle: Hey DUDE! I got a message for you from a "Widow Empress". Want to he-

Giant Breadbug: NO! I want you to go tell her the truce is off! She poisoned my nachos and nearly killed me!

Antenna Beetle: Are you sure?

Giant Breadbug: My stomaches have never lied to me yet. Better yet, how much does it cost to buy a bomb?

Antenna Beetle: 50 Pokos, plus tax.

Giant Breadbug: Great. Ok, I'll pay for it. Oh, and tell her it's from a "Emperor Bulblax". That ought to mess up her life.

Antenna Beetle: Got it dude! See you later! *jumps off*

*Meanwhile, in Giant Breadbug's mind*

"Sanity": Well, thank goodness all that is over with!

"Anger": You said it! It's great to be back, and without that loony messing up all of our decisions!

"Hope": Yup, and we'll see to it that nothing like him ever comes back.

"Hunger": Strange...

"Sanity": What is it?

"Hunger": I just got this feeling that this choice is going to cause the world to be far worse of than it could've been... Eh, nothing a bowl of nachos can't fix.

FIN


	11. Chapter 11

Note: A warning: this chapter is significantly longer than the ones before. Like, if you don't have 20 minutes free you probably can't finish it in a single sitting.

Oh, and in this chapter when you see a long bar of dashed lines, that's code for a meanwhile. I originally had three line breaks but this thing doesn't like that format so I improvised.

---------------  
Chapter 11: Tha Biggest Partay EVA! (Complete with typos and slang!)  
---------------

*Last chapter on Pikmin 2: The Side You Didn't See, Titan Dweevil proposed to Disco Ball, whose silence after being asked obviously meant yes. I mean, who _wouldn't_ say yes to such a question? We all know that Titan is just a totally awesome guy, who didn't need to bribe me in order to say this. (Whew, nice save!)*

*Anyhow, they said that the next day they would start planning for the celebration. We'll just skip that part, because otherwise it would be boring and filled with... Well filler. And we all hate filler.*

*This massive chapter starts out in a large clearing underground, where Breadbugs are running around everywhere trying to prepare for the big day. Everyone is wearing a tux, ignoring the fact that many of them lack the proper body parts to wear them, much less put them on in the first place.*

Titan Dweevil: *in tux* So, what's the progress?

Giant Breadbug: *in tux* Great, great, we're making great ti- MOVE TO THE LEFT YOU IDIOT!

Titan Dweevil: That's nice to hea-

Giant Breadbug: LEFT! LEFT! NOT RIGHT!- Sorry about that, these guys kinda suck... But we do what we can.

Titan Dweevil: Alright, well, how's the ca-

Giant Breadbug: DOLT! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO JUMP!

Breadbug #78658: *playing GCN* Sorry! I forgot!

Breadbug #98748: W00T! My turn to play SSBM! I PWN!

Titan Dweevil: So, I see you've all been busy slacking... And here I thought you actually knew that "world famous" chef...

Chef Breadbug: *in chef hat and tux* VAT!? Vho said Zees? Zees eez lies! Zou shall not eat from MY food!

Giant Breadbug: Kophio, I'd like to introduce you to the groom, you know, the guy that HIRED YOU.

Kophio: Vat? Ze knows nozing about ze art of food!

Giant Breadbug: Yeah, actually he does, let's not forget I was the one that taught you all you know today.

Kophio: *sigh* Vight, vight... Alas, vhere are my manners?

Titan Dweevil: So, if you don't mind, can you please tell me why you guys are all sitting around playing video games?

Kophio: Vhat do vou expect us to do vhile ve vait for ze microvave to vinish?

Titan Dweevil: Oh, I understa- MICROWAVE!? I thought you were supposed to be world-class?

Kophio: Vell, vhat do I look like to vou? A voman? I'm a man, ve don't know how to cook!

Titan Dweevil: What about all those cookbooks I gave you guys? What'd you do with them?

Kophio: Ah! Ve uze zem for ze filling! Zey are being cooked as ve speak!

Titan Dweevil:... Are there any books left? I mean, you can't expect my guests to eat microwaveable food, not that they matter unless their shiny, but still... I wanted the biggest party ever!

Kophio: Vell... Zere eez vone... VOU! Vetch zeet!

Breadbug #21857: *drags in a giant book titled "Biology for Procrastinators (Yes, that means you GP)"*

Titan Dweevil: Well, start reading! A book that big has got to have some great recipes! And maybe even some shiny ones too!

Raging Long-Legs: *walks up* *in tux* So Titan... Ready for the big day?

Titan Dweevil: Of course I am! I'm the one who designed everything afterall!

Raging Long-Legs: You designed the Revolution!?

Titan Dweevil:... Well, it was MY idea to make it shiny.

Raging Long-Legs: Cool! So anyhow... How's everything going?

Titan Dweevil: Great! We're gonna be ready in record time!

Raging Long-Legs: There's a record for the fastest wedding?

Titan Dweevil: No, but there will be soon enough. As I always say: The more shinies you have, the happier you will be.

--------------------------------------------

Pileated Snagret:*in tux* You have to admit, that was some fast talking you did there to actually get to come.

Segmented Crawbster:*in tux* No kidding. I probably would've killed Raging anyway though, because I'm not afriad of him.

Pileated Snagret: But I still wonder, both him and Titan seemed very interested in letting us come... I just wonder why they gave us this job...

Segmented Crawbster: At least we get to come. Considering the stuff they've brought in so far, this is gonna be an awesome party.

Waterwraith: *rolls up* *in tux* Hey! I'm early huh?

Segmented Crawbster: Congragulations.

Waterwraith: *hands Segmented Crawbster ticket* HA! I can't believe you guys have to sit out here the whole time!

Segmented Crawbster: Yup, we're the watch. What we watch goes down in the books. And, it just so happens we tend not to watch when little wusses get the life beaten out of them. So go on in.

Waterwraith: You're forgetting procedure, remember?

Segmented Crawbster: *sighs* *takes out piece of paper* Hello! My name is insert name here, and welcome to Titan Dweevil's awesome Wedding Party! While you're here, I hope you enjoy yourself as you eat, drink, and drool your heart out while staring at shiny stuff. If something is not the way you would like, please tell me and I will go and blah blah blah I'm going to kill you again and again. Now go in.

Waterwraith: Aww... The wittle cwab can wead!

Segmented Crawbster: *whacks Waterwraith's stone roller, causing him to roll backwards into a bottomless pit* Aww... Wook at the wittle wuss woll!

Pileated Snagret: *hops next to the pit* You have to admit, that was pretty strange placement on their end. I just don't get why nobody pays any attention to the warning sign?

Sign:*in tux* "Warning! Bottomless Pit! (15 feet deep)"

Segmented Crawbster: The world may never know...

----------------------

Raging Long-Legs: Man... How much longer until everyone else comes?

Titan Dweevil: I dunno... Doodlebug better show up though, that little fart (HA HA! Clever pun. I should be given a shiny medal.) promised he'd find a bunch of guys to fill all sorts of jobs.

Antenna Beetle: *drops in* *in tux* Hey DUDE! I did just like you said, I gave every ticket to everybody I could find!

Titan Dweevil: Finally! Go help yourself to some food, the rest of the guests should be here soon...

Antenna Beetle: *hops up to the food bar next to Kophio* Hey DUDE! What's up?

Kophio: *reads the big book* This is so illogical! Why not give the body two hearts, so that when one breaks, the other can keep pumping and you don't die?

Antenna Beetle: Ahh... I get it... You girlfriend just broke up with you... Man, that's stuff hard, but you'll live through it...

Kophio: GAH! These formulas are too complex! How will I know the proper way to create fatty acids for lipids!?

Antenna Beetle: Wow, man, hold up. The last thing you do is tell your girlfriend she's fat, that's like one of the basics dude. I'm pretty sure nobody would like to hear about- HOLY COW! *points at Widow Empress*

Widow Empress: *in tux(HA! Tricked you!)**In a huge dress* *is eating out of a huge bowl of nachos*

Antenna Beetle: WOW! *jaw drops*

Kophio: Look at that! Overnourishment! Obesity! How does a creature expect to survive with such a disgusting lifestyle!?

Antenna Beetle: DUDE!... I think I'm in love!

Kophio: Yeah, sure you are, like anyone would ever-

Antenna Beetle: Hey Dudette! I bet I could chug down this jar of nacho cheese in less than ten seconds!

Kophio: Hmm... Lets see here *flips through pages* Love... Love... Here we go! "_When a creature is in love, they tend to develop a habit of doing insane and stupid stuff. How this impresses the other gender, I have no idea. The best way to prevent such side effects is to... BRB, I got to go swallow a bucket of knives._"... Well, nevermind then.

------------------------------------------------------

MAL: *in tux* *walks up to Segmented with ticket*

Segmented Crawbster: Go on in MAL, you're right on time- *rock flies by face* What the...?

Waterwraith: *climbs out of bottomless pit* HA! Did you really think I'd go down that easily? *throws another rock*

MAL: *is hit by rock* *turns around and shoots Waterwraith*

Waterwraith: *is knocked back into the pit* CURSES! I will have my revenge! *loud thud* OUCH!

----------------------------------------------------------

Raging Long-Legs: So Titan, you're sure you have everything ready?

Titan Dweevil: How many times do I have to tell you?

Raging Long-Legs: I don't know, so far the only way you've replied is by saying "How many times do I have to tell you?".

Titan Dweevil: Really?

Raging Long-Legs: Yeah, like that one time...

-FLASH-

Raging Long-Legs: So Titan, you're sure you have everything ready?

Titan Dweevil: How many times do I have to tell you?

Raging Long-Legs: I don't know, so far the only way you've replied is by saying "How many times do I have to tell you?".

Titan Dweevil: Really?

Raging Long-Legs: Yeah, like that one time...

-FLASH-

Titan Dweevil: Ok, now I'm confused. Are we in a flashback right now, or did it end?

Raging Long-Legs: Nope, this is a flashback.

-FLASH-

Raging Long-Legs: There we go, now it's real time.

Titan Dweevil: Boy, that was strange. I certainly don't remember that last flashback...

Raging Long-Legs: Really? Well, it went something like this...

-FLASH-

Titan Dweevil: Ok, now I'm confused. Are we in a flashback right now, or did it end?

Raging Long-Legs: Nope, this is a flashback.

-FLASH-

Titan Dweevil: Fascinating.

Raging Long-Legs: Isn't it?

Widow Empress: You know, this seems a little strange for a wedding...

Titan Dweevil: Pfft, what do you know about being married?

Widow Empress:... *ahem*

Titan Dweevil:... BESIDES the fact that you are morbidly obese.

Widow Empress: I'm a widow you idiot!

Titan Dweevil:... Which means... What exactly?

Velociraptors: *are extinct* *in tux*

Raging Long-Legs: Widow, you're gonna have to excuse Titan Dweevil, he's... Well...

Widow Empress: An idiot?

Raging Long-Legs: Well, putting the obvious aside, yes.

Widow Empress: Just why couldn't you all do this the old fashoined way though? This is pure insanity, especially with the live entertainer... Though he is drawing quite the crowd...

Raging Long-Legs: Live entertainer? But we never hired...

------------------------------------------

Breadbugs:*in tux* CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!

Antenna Beetle: *drinks down a tub of 100% pure artificial freshly squeezed orange juice* YEAH! PAY UP!

Breadbugs: W00T! That's awesome! *pay*

------------------------------------------

Widow Empress: Yeah... Whoever he is just won't leave me alone!

Raging Long-Legs: Well, we couldn't really have an official normal wedding because Disco Ball doesn't really have anything close to resembling a father.

Widow Empress: You're right, and to have him appear out of nowhere would only happen in one of those cheesy chick movies.

Raging Long-Legs: Why do people even go to those?

Widow Empress: To see who else is dumb enough to go see them.

Raging Long-Legs: Ah...

-------------------------------------------------

Bulborb Larva #416: *in tux* Hi mister! Me name is Bulborb Larva, but you call me BL. Me have ticket! *shows ticket* ^_^

Segmented Crawbster: Awwww.... (Uh-oh! I have to keep up my tough attitude!)... Ahem, sorry about that, I was spacing off. Yeah, you can go right in-

Waterwraith: *climbs out of hole* HA! You thought I was done for, didn't you?

Segmented Crawbster: Nah, not really.

Waterwraith:... Oh. Well... Prepare for my revenge!

BL: HAHA! Big drop look dumby! ^_^

Waterwraith: Wait a minute... You're.... You're... YOU! IT'S YOU!

Segmented Crawbster: Yes Waterwraith, it is I.

Waterwraith: No, don't you remember him? It was about a year ago?

Segmented Crawbster: I'm drawing up a blank....

Waterwraith: Battle of the Bosses?

Segmented Crawbster: *gasp* You don't mean... He's the guy...

BL: No way! You guys is the ones I beated? HA! I no recognize you, you was PWNed when I saw you. You all is wusses. ^_^

Waterwraith: Sweet revenge.... DIE! *rolls toward BL*

Doodlebug: *appears**in tux*FORCE-FLOW FART! *farts*

Waterwraith: *is blown back ino the bottomless pit by a gust of wind* NOOOO!!!! *loud thud* I will get my revenge!

BL: HA! You fart makes the dumb peoples fall down! ^_^

Segmented Crawbster: Doodle! Hurry up, and get inside and... Where are the others?

Doodlebug: Don't worry, when I said I had them covered, I meant it.

Iridescent Glint Beetle: *appears**in a shiny, golden ninja suit* Doodle? Is that you?

Doodlebug: o_o.... Oh no... Glint, what are you doing here?

Glint: YO! I never knew you were coming here! Man, you've grown... Of course, you're still smaller than me! ^_^

Doodlebug:... By 4 millimeters...

Segmented Crawbster: This is a touching scene, but if you don't have a ticket, you can't get in.

Glint: Oh yeah? You, my friend, underestimate the power of ninjitsu!

Pileated Snagret: Really? Well then, enlighten us.

Glint: As you wish... Prepare yourselves... FOR EXTREME PWNAGE! But first... I ask that you turn around.

Pileated Snagret: *turns around with Segmented Crawbster*

Glint: FOOLS! WHILE YOU TWO FALL FOR MY BRILLIANT TRAP OF MAKING YOU LOOK IN THE OTHER DIRECTION, I SHALL PASS BY WITHOUT NEEDING TO HAND OVER A TICKET BECAUSE YOU FOOLS FELL FOR THE BRILLIANCE OF MY TRAP! *runs*

Segmented Crawbster: *watches Glint run off* You know, I think we should let him in anyway. He'll make things more "interesting".

Pileated Snagret: Are you saying that a spider getting married to a Disco Ball isn't interesting?

Segmented Crawbster: Point.

Antenna Beetle: So... You're a Widow huh?

Widow Empress: Yup.

Antenna Beetle: So your husband died?

Widow Empress: Yup.

Antenna Beetle: How?

Widow Empress: Well, he ignored my warning about him eating pork, so he paid the price.

Antenna Beetle: You killed him over a slice of bacon!?

Widow Empress: Nah... But looking back, I probably should have, that pig looked delicious.

Antenna Beetle: You miss him at all?

Widow Empress: Are you kidding? I have so much space now that he kicked the bucket!

Bucket: *in tux* You know, kicking me isn't all fun and games. It hurts. A LOT.

Widow Empress: Besides, I always have my son... Where is he anyway?

------------------------------------------------

Ranging Bloyster: *in tux* Man, they have EVERYTHING here! Nachos, cake, donuts, soda, ice cream, chi- *is poked* Hey! *spins around and sees a Cloaking Burrow-Nit*

Cloaking Burrow-Nit: *in tux* *nose is outstreched. It has plenty of shiny nose rings and "BLING" covering it* Oh, hello!

Ranging Bloyster: What was that for!?

Cloaking Burrow-Nit:... Chicken sandwich?

Ranging Bloyster:... You poked me for a chicken sandwich?

Cloaking Burrow-Nit: What!? That's crazy. Why would I do that?

Ranging Bloyster: Alright... Well, my name is Ranging Bloyster, who are you?

Cloaking Burrow-Nit: I'm... Uhh.... My name is... Uhh.... DON'T TELL ME!

Ranging Bloyster: Hi DON'T TELL ME!, how are you today?

Honeywisp: *in tux (Got you again!)**In dress* *floats over* Lokin, you know better than to talk to giant blobby strangers!

Lokin:... There is cheese in my goat?

Honeywisp: Why don't you go over there and eat some food?

Lokin: As long as you care for my goat... *tries to walk up to the food bar, but his nose keeps ramming into the table*

Ranging Bloyster: *was staring at Honey with mouth open**snaps out of it* So... What's up with him?

Honeywisp: Oh, well, you see, a few years ago he had a serious accident that went something like this...

-FLASH-

Lokin: *is going around the Wistful Wild, his nose is normal* Poke! *pokes something* Poke! *pokes something*

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins: Listen here sonny, most people don't like getting poked by that big nose of yer's.

Lokin:... Huh. *poke*

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins: I'm warning'ya sonny! You don't want to get ranted at, especially by me!

Lokin: Please, spare me Wallace-Wanna-Be. *pokes*

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins: GRR... Back in my day, we didn't have noses. Heck, even nowadays we don't got ourselves noses. Why? Why would a frog need to sniff stuff anyway? Huh? WHY!? It doesn't make sense! Back in my day, if something didn't make sense, it was stoned to death, because it was a witch. Nowadays, you got witches running everything in the world, and then they didn't even know that back in my day that they were stupid, and that in this day they are still stupid! Why, I've been able to get around everywhere just fine without noses. Like in the great Pikmin battle of seventy-twelve-ninety-two. Course, back in those days, the Pikmin were'nt even around, 'twas an infestation of mutant cucumbers who would not stop 'till world domination was theirs. And I fought in that war, and we won, and this is how the kids nowadays pay honor us? Back in my day, you'd get slapped for doing that! No respect I tell ya, no respect at all...

Lokin:... How do you talk without a mouth, old man? *pokes*

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins: Why, do you know what you just did sonny? You put me over the edge you did. And I don't got no parachute, do you? Now, this edge is kinda rocky too, and being pushed over it sure isn't pleasant. So, since you just pushed me over the edge, I can only hope for a flock of flying ducks to break my fall. Of course, back in my day, we didn't hunt ducks. Nope, we hunted flying dogs... And they had sharp teeth, evil claws, and tasty jellybeans... OF DOOM! And we had to get the ducks to hunt down the dogs and we used special water powered flamethrowers to destroy them. Then, the ducks betrayed us, and the remainder of the dog army laughed at us as we missed when we tried to shoot them down. Finally however, we shot them all down and we rejoiced and all, so the odds of being caught by a flock of them would be pretty low. Now, flying mongooses.... Those little critters are another story alltogether.

Lokin: ... Poke. *pokes*

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins: That's it you little poking poker of pokiness!

Lokin: *extends nose to poke*

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins: *jumps in the air and lands on Lokin's nose, crushing it*

-FLASH-

Honeywisp: When Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins landed on Lokin's nose, not only did he crush the bones causing it to be permanently extended, but he gave Lokin a serious concussion, which resulted in a strange case of amnesia that goes on and off. So it's my job to look after him and make sure he doesn't get himself killed.

Ranging Bloyster: Say, that's tragic. Will you go out with me?

Honeywisp:... Sure! Under one condition...

Ranging Bloyster: And what's that?

Honeywisp: Since I spend almost all of my time looking after the guy... Can you look after Lokin for the rest of the day, so I can get some rest? If he's fine when I get back, sure.

Ranging Bloyster: That's all? That's easy! You can count on me!

Lokin: Me plus you equals seventy-two!

---------------------------------------------------

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins:*in tux* I tell ya sonny, you have it good you know. Back in my day, everyone always started their huge rants with the exact same line: "Back in my day, ...". I tell ya kid, rants were boring back then, and they served no purpose! At least now you guys got variety, like chocolate-frog flavored rants at half-price! And where has the honor for ranting gone!? Down the drain I say! DOWN TO THE BOTTOM! And as if that wasn't bad enough, some crocodile found it, ate it, then some hunter who wouldn't stop saying "CRIKEY!" found the croc, killed it, and stole the honor. You see, that's the problem with culture nowadays, you think people who shove their head in a croc's mouth is cool. Well, I'm here to say it's only cool IF the croc closes his mouth on the unsuspecting idiot and tears him to pieces! Like the other day, I was going to my daily ranting club with all the great ones, like Wallace and Cranky, and we been ranting it up like mad, saying right had a head cold and left was part of a government conspiracy to confuse people about which way to turn, when some little kid who thought he knew everything about ranting from some NScience Forum or something dumb like that. All that kid did though was complain about spam! Spam is awesome. Why, back in my day, spam was the symbol of manliness. The more you could take before you had to resort to drinking out of the toilet, the stronger you were. Heck, all the great ranters nowadays have a strict diet of spam, and if they fail to keep it up... Well, they lose their ranting powers! Yeah... I'm not nearly I as hot as I was way back when, because the missus said I'd have to keep down my spam level. Well, I turned to her and I says:"Listen here, if I don't get my spam, how do I rant? It's like a bird without gills, it just doesn't work. How's the bird supposed to fly if he has no spontaneous combusting materials on 'im?" Well, she just continued to spew out the same things over and over again, never changing her arguement or anything! That's the thing about being a great ranter, you have to be unique and bring up new points never brought up before. So kid, you feel like saying Nintendo stinks, you can go right ahead, but I tell you, if this was the old days, the only thing you'd have to keep you busy is a stick and a box!

Emperor Bulblax:*in tux* You mean an Atari?

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins:... Touche...

Emperor Bulblax:... Wait a second.... You're not my mommy! *runs away screaming*

-----------------------------------------------------

Titan Dweevil: Doodlebug! Where are the others?

Doodlebug: Huh?

Titan Dweevil: You said you knew people who could take the rest of the jobs!

Glint: WHILE YOU SCREAM AT MY LITTLE BROTHER, I SHALL RUN TO YOUR SECRET STASH OF SHINY STUFF AND STEAL ALL THAT I FIND BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO BUSY YELLING AT DOODLE!!!! *runs off*

Doodlebug: Don't worry, they're on their way, infact... I think I see one of them!

Mitite: *in tux (I got you AGAIN! HA!)**in dress* Hello!

Pileated Snagret: *sniffs the air*... Who died in here and where is their will?

Segmented Crawbster: Listen, we don't have any faulty pipes or anything like that.

Mitite: *hands Segmented Crawbster ticket*

Segmented Crawbster: *holds ticket* NO!!! My claw has been contaminated by the ugly stench! SPARE ME! *runs into the bathroom*

Waterwraith: *climbs out of the pit again* He DOES know that that's the lady's room, right?

Pileated Snagret: I can't tell and I don't care.

Doodlebug: Mitite! You made it!

Mitite: Hi Doodle!

Titan Dweevil: *sniffs the air* Ugh... It smells so.... UNSHINY in here!

Doodlebug: You smell like the fart of a skunk who just ate rotting fish!

Mitite: Awww.... Thanks! ^_^

Titan Dweevil: Doodle... Is this supposed to be the other ringbearer?

Doodlebug: Yup ^_^

Titan Dweevil:... Ok. I'm going to go over there and look at more shiny stuff. *walks away*

Glint: *runs up to Doodlebug holding a GIANT bag* Ha! Ninjitsu PWNS once more!

Doodlebug: What's in the bag?

Glint: Oh, nothing much.

Bag: *in tux* *voice from inside* Quickly! Tell the other transformers that their leader, Optimus Prime, has been captured by a small golden beetle who won't stop screaming!

Glint: *looks at Mitite* Who's that Doodle?

Doodlebug: Mitite.

Glint: Wait... Don't tell me... She's your _girlfriend_! You and Mitite, sitting in a tree, K-I-S.... Uhh.... C-Q-I-B-R-B-I-N-G!

Doodlebug: Oh shut up Glint, at least I have one.

Glint: Oh please, I could get one anytime I wanted to!

Doodlebug: Does that include last time?

-FLASH-

Glint: *looks at an Iridescent Flint Beetle* Hey Doodlebug, check out the master.

Doodlebug: Uh-huh...

Glint: *clears throat* BEHOLD!! I SHALL WALK ACROSS THIS GENERAL AREA, UP TO THE IRIDESCENT FLINT BEETLE, AND USE ONE OF THE GREAT PICK-UP LINES KNOWN ONLY TO NINJAS TO GET HER PHONE NUMBER TO IMPRESS MY FRIENDS!

Velociraptors: *were still extinct then*

Glint: *looks around* Hey, where'd she go?

-FLASH-

Glint:... That was my identical twin brother.

Segmented Crawbster: *walks back next to Pileated Snagret* *has a huge bruise on the side of his face*

Pileated Snagret: *grinning* How'd it go?

Segmented Crawbster:...... The Mamuta Convention is in town.

Pileated Snagret: Ah.. That must stink...

Segmented Crawbster: Nah, it's alright... I saved you an arm *pulls out a bloody Mamuta arm*.

Pileated Snagret: O_O;;;

--------------------------------------------------------

Lokin: So... That book is pretty big eh?

Kophio: Yes it is... *is still reading through it*

Lokin: Say... Does it have any info on what that juice is that flies out of a Pikmin when you spear it with a nose?

Kophio: I don't think so. What you might be seeing, however, might be an optical illusion created by your nose, because it is very red at the tip.

Lokin:... I understand the reason why it is critical to think, but I don't think that includes controlling bodily functions.

Kophio: Well, some bodily functions are automatic. Like peristalsis and the beating of the heart.

Ranging Bloyster: Say Lokin, what's up with all those nose piercings?

Lokin: Oh, these? These are to balance my nose, so it doesn't sag along the floor and fall off, causing me to bleed to death. Cool, huh?

Ranging Bloyster: (It's like a freaking spammer convention...)

---------------------------------------------------

BL: Hey... You is the old hag I beated!

Widow Empress: *turns around*... You.... You're that little punk who won the tournament!

BL: Yeah, I totally PWNs you! ^_^

Widow Empress: Really? Let's see you beat THIS! *starts rolling toward BL*

Boulder: *in tux* *falls from the cieling and lands on Widow's head*

Widow Empress: _ Ouch...

BL: I PWN! ^_^ *notices something in the ground* What are that... *brushes off the dirt of a plaque*

Plaque: *in tux* "This room is built under the exact area where the Battle of the Bosses Stadium once stood, and is dedicated not only to that, but to the three that kept it living for 8 months: GHOSTPIKMIN, DRASLUSHEE, and BIGGORON_2000. May the spirit of beating the tar out of our comrades live on throughout the ages."

BL:... That can't be good...

---------------------------------------------------

Raging Long-Legs: So... Have we got all the tickets back?

Pileated Snagret: Not quite... We're still missing just one...

Raging Long-Legs: Well, the reader is getting a little impacient, so it would be nice to wrap it up.

Segmented Crawbster: The who?

Raging Long-Legs: Nobody.

*A "Long-Legs" walks up to them. He has a slightly smaller head than Raging, has a huge afro, and is wearing a disco suit. He also has the abbility to walk on just two feet and use the others as arms*

Dancing Long-Limbs: 'EY! What's happinin'? I came to check out this gnarly party! My name's Dancing Long-Limbs! *hands ticket over*

Raging Long-Legs: Well, that should be the last of the-

Dancing Long-Limbs: Raging? Is that you? RADICAL!

Raging Long-Legs:... *sigh* Hi Dancing...

Segmented Crawbster: You know this guy?

Raging Long-Legs: I was his room mate back in college. I think they made a sitcom about it or something. But Dancing, what brings you to the wedding?

Dancing Long-Limbs: Like I'd miss my Disco Ball getting married!

Pileated Snagret: *spits out Coke* WHAT!?

Segmented Crawbster: *is covered in Coke* How'd you hold the can!?

Raging Long-Legs: Wait a minute... So you're Disco Ball's owner?

Dancing Long-Limbs: Yup... I would still be too, if it wasn't for those meddling kids.

Raging Long-Legs: Don't tell me you're still into that whole "Solving Mysteries" thing...

Dancing Long-Limbs: HEY! If Scooby and the Gang can do it, so can I!. Anyway, these two kids stole Disco Ball from me. One of them wouldn't stop screaming, and the other had bad gas.

------------------------------------------------

Giant Breadbug: Kophio! How's progress?

Kophio: Excellent! The cake will not only be healthy, but tasty!

Giant Breadbug: Say, what happened to your accent?

Kophio: Huh? I dunno, when I start to read the book suddenly I lost it. Either that, or the author was too lazy to keep typing in the accent.

Giant Breadbug: Well, at least everyone can understand you now. *turns around and sees Antenna Beetle talking with Widow Empress*... Urgh... My ... Uhh...

*In Giant Breadbug's head*

"Anger": *opens door* Hello?

"Jealousy": Hi. I'm "Jealousy".

"Anger": That's lovely.

"Jealousy": Hey, why do YOU get a chair!? *walks in and sits down in "Anger"'s chair*

"Revenge": Hey. I'm "Revenge".

"Anger": Nice to meet you.

"Revenge": You do realise that Antenna Beetle called you a wuss.

"Anger": He DID!?

"Revenge": Yup. We should all totally kill him for that.

"Hope": Waaaaiiiit a minute.... How do we know that you two aren't related to that maniac "Love" that we killed two days ago?

"Revenge": You see, unlike him, we actually practice what we preach. He was all about kindness but killed all of you, we're all about killing anyone who gets in our way, and that's what we do.

"Hunger": He's got a good point.

"Anger": You'd think "Love" had a good point if he offered you a cheeseburger.

"Hunger": Yeah, you're right. *Takes bite out of cheeseburger*

"Hope": ALL SYSTEMS..... FULL POWER! *hits "Beserk Switch"*

*back*

Giant Breadbug: BESERK MODE ACTIVATED. STORING ENERGY... *sleeps*

-------------------------------------------------

Ranging Bloyster: Lokin... What's up with that name anyway? Why can't people just call you "Cloaking Burrow-Nit"?

Lokin: ... The pencil sleeps only when the cow howls at midnight.

Ranging Bloyster:... Oh, it's because you're too stupid to remember all the syllables in your name... What about you Kophio?

Kophio: Well, I had two choices: Being called something original or being called something stupid like Breadbug#1000. There are tons and tons of Breadbugs, so everyone would probably forget what my name was and I'd be lost in the crowd. So, I went with an original name too. *sniffs the air* If you excuse me, I believe my carbs are ready. *runs off*

Lokin: STORY TIME!

Ranging Bloyster:... What!?

Lokin: Story time! I want story!

Ranging Bloyster: Kid, I don't have a-

Lokin: Story time NOW! ME WANT STORY!

Ranging Bloyster: Once upon a time there was a cabbage, a goat, and a wolf. Now, there was also this farmer who was their bestest friend. Now, one day while following Farmer, they came across a river and a boat that could only have two of them at the same time. So, Farmer had to come up with a way to get everyone across the river at once. But then, of course, and alien crashed at that spot and killed them all instantly. This alien hungered for cheese, and she wanted lots and lots of it. So, she flew over to Wisconsin and married a slice of swiss cheese. But this was no ordinary slice of swiss cheese, for every night he went through a startling tranformation and turned into LAWYER DUDE! Lawyer dude fought every night for lack of logic and stuff, that is, until he came across a case where some mutant carrots from a power plant broke loose and were terrorizing a town. Instead of healping out the creatures that were getting killed, ignorant Lawyer Dude only cared to see one side of any story and since the mutant carrots looked cuter than the rest, Lawyer Dude deemed that side to be the right side and aided them in killing off all the other species of the world. Then the mutant carrots turned on Lawyer Dude and only then did he realise how incredibly stupid he was. Of course, he never had time to apologize because he was killed off shortly after. THE END.

Lokin:... Wow.... That story was AMAZING!

Ranging Bloyster: Thanks, I made it myself.

Lokin:... I WANT SEQUEL!

Raging Long-Legs: So Titan... How much longer 'till the actual ceremony starts?

Titan Dweevil: Oh, only about three scenes from now, give or take a few.

Raging Long-Legs: Oh, ok... We have all the positions filled, right?

Titan Dweevil: Yup... We have everything.

Raging Long-Legs:.. Alright then. What are we supposed to do until then?

Titan Dweevil: I don't know... Maybe watch some TV or something...

----------------------------------------------

Breadbugs: *are gathered around big screen TV*

Dancing Long-Limbs: What are you guys watching?

Breadbugs: This really old Sitcom...

"The Raging and Dancing Sitcom!"

Raging Long-Legs: YOU BURNED DOWN OUR APARTMENT!?

Dancing Long-Limbs: Tubular!

Generic Audience: *laughs*

Raging Long-Legs: What about all my Nintendo stuff?

Dancing Long-Limbs: Oh, don't worry, I sold all of it.

Raging Long-Legs: For what?

Dancing Long-Limbs: For an afro for you! *Hands Raging Long-Legs an afro*

Generic Audience: *laughs*

Raging Long-Legs: And can someone shut this idiot up?

Generic Audience: *laughs*

Dancing Long-Limbs: We'll be back right after this commercial break!

Voice: Hey! Do you have a broken telephone? If so, be sure to call 1-800-BROKEN-PHONE so we can come over and fix it so you can keep in touch with all of your friends!

*back with the wedding*

BL: That are stupid.

Breadbug #87684: Really? I don't suppose you have anything better to watch, do you?

BL: *holds up video case* Yup, me gots the "New Year's Eve Boss Bash", complete with deleted scene! Me favorite show!

Raging Long-Legs: Huh... That sounds strangely familiar... Put it in and let's see it.

*the movie*

GP: ARE YOU READY!?!?

Audience: *cheers*

GP: Because we are!

White Pikmin: *walks up to GP and whispers* Umm... We're out of nachos...

GP: WHAT!? WE'RE OUT OF NACHOS!?

Audience: *silent* No nachos?

GP: Err... That's what I would say if he had the opposite amount of nachos that we have now! But... We're going to have to seal off the cafeteria during the fight.

Some loser in the audience: Why?

GP: *motions to security, who grab the guy and throw him out the door* As I was saying, time for the moment you have all been waiting for: THE NEW YEAR'S EVE BOSS BASH!!

Audience: YAY FOR POINTLESS VIOLENCE!!

GP: Bring in the bosses!

Ranging Bloyster: Please no pain... Please no pain...

Titan Dweevil: It's time to PWN baby!

Burrowing Snagret: Nothing's going to harm my precious beak this time around!

Raging Long-Legs and Beady Long-Legs: Prepare to be crushed by massive feet of your smelly DOOM!

Waterwraith: ROADKILL! YEAH!

MAL: (Preparing mass destruction mode)

Giant Breadbug: I'm not going to go down first!

Emperor Bulblax: See my grand adhesive tongue and TREMBLE!

Segmented Crawbster: This is going to be more fun than burning down a hospital! MUHUHAHAHAHAA!

Everyone: *sweatdrop*

Pileated Snagret: That was so not cool. Remind me to peck your insides out after I win.

Empress Bulblax: *asleep* 1 nacho... 2 nachos... 3 nachos...

GP: Ok, you guys know the rules! Nobody leaves until I see 11 bodies on the floor!

MAL: *shoots someone in the audience who falls over*

Titan Dweevil: Well... There's one...

GP: Ok, No one leaves until only one of you are standing! The winner receives a reward of a lifetime. The losers... Will be tended at a hospital run completely by DOODLEBUGS!

Giant Breadbug: Oh, just lovely.

GP: 3!

MAL: *loads gun*

GP: 2!

Waterwraith: *revs engine*

GP: 1!

Burrowing Snagret and Pileated Snagret: *burrow*

GP: FIGHT!!

*all the bosses rush into the center of the arena and get in a giant melee*

Segmented Crawbster: Hey Giant Loafbug! I'm going to get you back for what you did to me last tournament!

Giant Breadbug: HA! Good luck! I'm betting 17 bags of cupcakes I'll last longer than you!

Segmented Crawbster: You're on! *swings claw at Giant, who narrowly dodges it by jumping back*

Giant Breadbug: Whew, that wa-

Burrowing Snagret: *surfaces* WEEE! I get the first kill!

Giant Breadbug: AAHHH! * dodges Burrowing beak and jumps right next to the Empress, who is still asleep*

Giant Breadbug: It stinks being a weak boss...

Ranging Bloyster: You're telling me.

Giant Breadbug: *looks over the Empress and sees Ranging Bloyster* Hey, aren't you the guy who-

Ranging Bloyster: Yes.

Giant Breadbug: Ouch, that must've stung.

Ranging Bloyster: I've been having nightmares of it ever since. But, lucky for me, fatso over here is asleep.

Giant Breadbug: (or is she?... Heh heh heh... What an idiot!) *shoves against the Empress*

Empress Bulblax: Hee hee... That tickles! *rolls over Ranging Bloyster*

Ranging Bloyster: AUGH! NOT AGAIN!

GP: OUCH! Ranging Bloyster just got PWNED!

MAL: *is shooting like nuts* (Must eradicate all competitors and win grand prize)

Waterwraith: AHH! *dodges blast from MAL* HEY! *dodges another, and three more* *looking back at MAL* NYAH NYAH! MISSED ME! *while he isn't looking, gets stomped on by Raging Long-Legs*

GP: Oh man, that's gonna leave a mark in the morning!

Burrowing Snagret: *underground* Ugh... How much longer do I have to wait?

Pileated Snagret: *also underground* Wait, I think I heard GP said that there are only 2 guys left!

Burrowing Snagret: Wait, you're just trying to get me to surface so I get PWNed!

Pileated Snagret: Look for yourself if you don't believe me.

Burrowing Snagret: Fine, I will! *surfaces* *gets face blown off by Titan*

Pileated Snagret: Ha! What a complete idiot!

GP: Well, seems Burrowing just got his new beak blown to bits...

Burrowing Snagret: My beak! NO! MY BEAUTIFUL BEAK!

Pileated Snagret: *surfaces* I just had to see your stupidity with my own eyes. HAHA!

Beady Long-Legs: *foot slams fight in front of Pileated's face* DRATS! I missed him!

Pileated Snagret: Dude, you really need to work on your memory. *stands up fully and stabs beak through Beady's orb*

Beady Long-Legs: GAH!! NOT AGAIN!!

Titan Dweevil: HA! You're the idiot who couldn't beat Lardo in the finals!

Pileated Snagret: Err.... Which one?

Titan Dweevil: Good point.... WAIT! That doesn't matter! Prepare to be deep-roasted! *fires flare cannon*

Pileated Snagret: MEEP! *dives underground and the blast hits Raging Long-Legs*

Titan Dweevil: Oh well, I still PWNed something.

Emperor Bulblax: *charging at Segmented Crawbster* HA! Now you will now my wrath!

Segmented Crawbster: Please, you make this too easy. *rolls into a ball and runs over the Emperor*

Emperor Bulblax: Drat. I knew I should've gotten that insurance.

Segmented Crawbster: What insurance?

Aflac Duck: Aflac.

Segmented Crawbster: Who said that?

Aflac Duck: Aflac.

Segmented Crawbster: *spins around* What are you!?

Aflac Duck: *jumps on Crawbster's face* AFLAC!!

Segmented Crawbster: GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!! AHHH!!! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF LIFE! AHHH!! *rolls into a ball and into a wall*

Empress Bulblax: *eyes open* WHO DARES TO DISTURB MY BEAUTY SLEEP!?

Segmented Crawbster: Is that what she calls it?

Empress Bulblax: RAAARR! YOU SHALL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE! *starts rolling toward Crawbster*

Segmented Crawbster: AWW poopie... *is run over*

Giant Breadbug: HA! You owe me 17 bags of cupcakes!

Segmented Crawbster: You would've freaked out too if you saw the eyes of that duck... Oh man... Those were the eyes of a stone-cold killer...

Draslushee: Hello GP.

GP: Yo!

Draslushee: How's the fights going?

GP: AWESOME! The crowd loves it!

Draslushee: GRRR.... YOU WILL PAY!

GP: Huh?

Draslushee: You turned the crowd against Titan Dweevil! You shall pay!

GP: Oh, I'm shaking in my boots... SECURITY!!

Security Piks: *run right behind GP* YES SIR!

Draslushee: Your pathetic group of Pikmin is no match for a Dragon!

Dragon: *appears* Rawr.

Security Piks: Well, it's been a pleasure working for you sir. *run*

GP: Oh... Great... And I just bought this pair of underwear too!

Draslushee: VIVA LA DWEEVIL! DESTROY THE NON-BELIEVER!

Dragon: *sends fireball flying at GP* Rawr.

GP: AHHH! *ducks, and the fireball hits Giant Breadbug*

Giant Toastbug: So stiff... Can't move... *falls over*

GP: Well, that's one of the mysteries of the universe solved...

Dragon: *is about to use fire breath again* Rawr.

White Pikmin: GP! Great news! We got the Nachos!

GP: YOU WERE AN HONORABLE PIK! *throws White Pikmin into Dragon's mouth*

White Pikmin: I knew I should have worked at Chucky Cheese's!

Dragon: *starts choking on White Pikmin and falls over* Rawr.

Draslushee: ERGH... Round one goes to you... But this is far from over! *throws smoke screen ball at GP's face*

GP: OUCH! That really hurt!

Draslushee: How's THAT for a dramatic exit? VIVA LA DWEEVIL!*vanishes*

GP: Great, now I think I have a bloody nose...

Doodlebug: *runs up* WAIT! That wasn't Dras, or a real Dragon!

GP: Really?

Draslushee: *reappears* LIES!

Doodlebug: It's really... *tears off Draslushee costume, revealing...*

Glint: GAH! Ninjitsu has failed me!... This time... I'll be back! *vanishes*

GP: And what was the Dragon?

Doodlebug: Your old computer that freezes whenever you try to save a chapter!

GP: ALAS! Why didn't I notice? But how did YOU know, Doodlebug?

Doodlebug: Well, that big guy over there helped me... *points*

Law Dragon: *Snarls*

GP: *turns white* ... Fun... All fun and games, right?

Law Dragon: *stomps on GP* ^_^ *flies away*

Titan Dweevil: Well well, it's time we finish this once and for all.

Empress Bulblax: Last time was a fluke.

Titan Dweevil: A LIKELY STORY! Prepare to be PWNED!

Empress Bulblax: *rolls into Titan's legs, tripping him, and hits a wall causing a boulder to fall on his face* Yep, I still got it.

Titan Dweevil: Are you kidding? I feel as fine as e-

MAL: *shoots Titan in the face*

Titan Dweevil: Ouch, MAL, you are so ne-

MAL: *shoots Titan in the face rapidly* (How's that for PWNZORS?)

Titan Dweevil: I shall be avenged!! *falls over*

Pileated Snagret: *pokes head through the surface* Woah! Was that Titan? I outlived Titan? SWEET! I knew I could do i-

MAL: *shoots Pileated in the face* (I have no time for stupid inspirational speeches. Be PWNed and be gone with you)

Pileated Snagret: Shoeboxes... I'm just as foolish as Burrowing... *falls over*

Empress Bulblax: Why, isn't this familiar. It seemed just like a few weeks ago when I wiped your face... err... orb across the floor! Read for another dose of pure, obese, PWNAGE?

MAL: (Bring it) *shoots Empress, but misses and shoots GP*

GP: AHHHHHH!!!! *goes flying through the wall*

Empress Bulblax: Nice shooting there! He had it coming!

MAL: (you're next giant worm)

*MAL shoots the Empress, who dodges and rams into a wall. MAL shoots the boulders before they can land on him*

MAL: (OH YEAH BABY! Bet you didn't see that one coming!)

* Empress tries to trip MAL, but MAL out-maneuvers her and gets behind her, and starts shooting, narrowly missing*

Empress Bulblax: It seems you've gotten stronger... Stronger than even Titan.

MAL: (I have analyzed all fight data. I will win)

Empress Bulblax: I'll be the one remembered as the greatest boss of the year, NOT YOU!!

*Empress let's larva out like crazy. They start swarming around MAL's legs*

MAL: (Don't get distracted you stupid robot! Shoot the worm!) (Must eradicate all creatures) (NO! It's a trick!) (Must laugh at idiots as the squirm in pain!) (Ok, maybe just a few of them... BUT ONLY A FEW! We HAVE to win this fight!) (Affirmative) *shoots larva*

Empress Bulblax: You're so predictable MAL. *rolls into MAL's legs*

MAL: (SHOOT HER! SHOOT HER NOW!) *shoots the Empress*

*Meanwhile, at the exact moment*

GP: (I can't believe that thing MAL shoot at me was enough to send me around the globe. I also can't believe I have enough breath to keep screaming the whole way!) -AHHHHHHHH!!!! *crashes through roof of the Arena and lands right on the Battlefield, causing a huge explosion and flash of light*

Audience: OOOOO.... Purdy Light....

GP: *gets up* I'm... Alive? I'M ALIVE!? YES! I'M ALIVE!!!

Empress Bulblax: *burps* Ugh... Can't... Must win... Nachos... *stops moving*

MAL: (Legs not operating correctly. Doom approaching) (Oh great, I would blame it on you, but I think this was GP's fault) (Affirmative) *falls over*

Audience: Hey, wait a second... WHO WON!?

GP: Gee... That's a tough one... *scratches head*

Audience: BOO! *throws boot at GP, knocking him out*

Bulborb Larva: *emerges from the wreckage and spots GP's body* *starts nibbling on GP's leg*

Audience: Awww... Hey, wait a second... That's the last thing standing! That has to be the winner!! *cheers*

Bulborb Larva: (I wonder what they're so happy about... oh well, this thing is tasty!) *continues nibbling*

*Biggoron_2000 looks around, then walks to the center of the arena and picks up GP's microphone*

Biggoron: Well then... Seeing how GP got hit with more then he could handle *pauses, pokes GP with a stick, then continues* I guess I'll be the one who says: BULBORB LARVA IS THE STRONGEST CREATURE OF 2004!

Audience: *cheers*

Biggoron: Bulborb Larva, your thoughts? *holds microphone to Bulborb Larva*

Bulborb Larva: *burps* *makes high pitch squeals* (I want to thank my Momma and everyone who supported me through birth!)

Audience: Awwww.... *cheers*

Biggoron: Well folks, Have a great night and an AWESOME NEW YEAR! See you all later... Or will I?

Audience: *cheers, then leaves*

Biggoron: Well then, you'll be getting the grand prize of not one, not two, but 2,005 Nacho Buffets, along with brand-spankin' new shiny weapons of PWNAGE! Have fun! ^_^

Bulborb Larva: (This is the happiest day of my life! Wait, technically, it's the first day of my life, so regardless of what happened it would be my happiest. So it could also be the worst day of my life too... It could be the everythingest day of my life! But then again, I'm betting that this will be the happiest day of my life for some time, well, at least until I forget it with my horrible memory that all babies have... So while I remember this day it will be the happiest day of my life!) ^_^

Biggoron: And as for the rest of you *stares at GP and all the bosses* The Doodlebugs will be here shortly to take you to their hospital. Have a happy coma during the New Year!!

*end movie*

BL: And that's the story of how I PWNed all of you! ^_^

Widow Empress: Was that... What we really were like back then?

Titan Dweevil: I feel... So unshiny...

Ranging Bloyster: Who directed that piece of junk anyway?

BL: GP, of course.

*All the bosses turn around and glare at GP*

GP: *in tux* *stops sipping punch* What? Oh come on guys, that was a long time ago-

Segmented Crawbster: DEATH TO THE EVIL ONE!

All bosses: YEAH! *start beating up GP*

--------------------------------------------------------

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins: Say, you're the groom, right?

Titan Dweevil: Yeah, why?

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins: Well sonny, you did a nice job decorating everything and anything at this wedding.

Titan Dweevil:... Thanks.

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins: You see sonny, back in my day, it wasn't this easy setting up weddings. Why, back in my day, we didn't even have weddings! Nope, all we did was sit back and watch as the world changed from red to blue to green to yellow to orange and watch at the sunset as the duck bombers of ninety-two bombed the cities. Yup, back then, we didn't have any of this whole rushing, crazy thing. Nowadays, when we did something, we not only did it right, but we actually made sure it wasn't left. I tell ya, left has been growing in popularity ever since the days of the cell-phone invasions... Man, those were dark times... You had all these pre-paid minutes and contracts, and there was this crazy thing called reception, and if you didn't have enough, you were disconnected.... A fate worse than death. Anyway, we fought the good fight against the cell-phones, but to no avail... They kept comming back... Stronger and smaller and IN COLOR! Oh... Those were not only the worst of times, but the prettiest and ugliest too. Comrades, left and right, gave up in their fight and bought cell-phones, which possesed them to follow the flow instead of thinking for themselves. Just like the salmon, I always say, who stupidly swim upstream to get eaten by bears! Now, if those guys could actually think for themselves, they wouldn't even go back near the bears to lay their eggs. Why, they'd just buy a few gernades and BLOW THEIR FREAKIN' HEADS OFF! But Nooooooooo.... We all have to do things your way! But maybe our way is better than your way! That's why weddings have changed so much over the years, with all the divorsing and all that jazz and hip-hop and classical... It's because we got the freedom of the choice! Now, you should be proud of that son, because you got all the shinies in the world, and you can do stuff now! Like drool! So yeah, have a nice wedding and all that stuff.

Titan Dweevil:.. *stares*

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins: You there sonny? *taps Titan Dweevil*

Titan Dweevil: *falls over* *is made of cardboard*

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins: Ah, ok, I was just checking. As I was saying...

------------------------------------------------------------

Raging Long-Legs: Well Titan, I think it is finally time...

Titan Dweevil: It sure is... Except... Uhh... How exactly do these things work?

Raging Long-Legs:... I thought you said you had everything planned!

Titan Dweevil: Everything important!

Raging Long-Legs:... So only the shiny stuff?

Titan Dweevil: Duh.

Kophio: *Walks over* Hello... I couldn't help overhear your problem... And I think this book has a possible solution.... *hands book to Titan Dweevil*

Titan Dweevil: *reads*... How incredibly CHEESY! Where are the shinies?

Kophio: Well, you see, this is simply a guideline... You can change some things you know.

Raging Long-Legs: And all this stuff is in a Biology book?

Kophio: Hey, this thing costs like 500 bucks, I think they should put some extra things in it.

*time for the moment you've been waiting for, the big wedding! All the bosses file into another large room, with plenty of chairs (even though most of the bosses can't even sit down), and a altar at the front. Titan Dweevil is standing there, along with Raging Long-Legs. And the priest is, of course, Antenna Beetle.*

Pileated Snagret: *muttering to Segmented Crawbster* How much do you bet that this thing will end in a free for all?

Segmented Crawbster: If that's the case, your beak, and maybe a few toes.

*Mitite walks down the aisle and throws tin cans along the aisle. Unfortunately for everyone, she has fairly bad aim and most of the tin cans end up hitting the audience on their heads, causing them to lose focus and throw up because of the extreme stench.*

Dancing Long-Limbs: *whispering to Kophio* This is where I come in, right?

Kophio: Yup! You walk down the aisle along with Disco Ball and followed by Widow Empress.

Dancing Long-Limbs: Pfft, that's bogus. I'll show you the rad way!

*So Dancing Long-Limbs decides to moonwalk across the aisle instead. Once again, as luck would have it there were stull some tin cans on the aisle and, wouldn't you know it, he trips on one and looses his grip on Disco Ball, causing her to fly across the room. Antenna Beetle catches her, and sets her down on a small pillar next to Titan Dweevil*

*Of course, there was yet another miscalculation on their end... As the aisle wasn't nearly wide enough for Widow to squeeze through, so the five people closest to the aisle on both sides are crushed by her immense weight on her way across.*

*After all that, things start to go smoother. Of course, having Doodlebug and Mitite as the ringbearers wasn't a smart decision, as anyone who had a nose soon realised why having noses is such a bad thing.*

Antenna Beetle: *clears throat* We gather this day, to see the greatest event ever known.... PARTAY!!!

Velociraptors: *are extinct*

Antenna Beetle: Yeah... So anyway... Before we start, if anyone has any objections to this marriage, speak now, or forever hold your peace. For like, forever. So you're gonna have to spend the rest of your life, looking back on this moment, saying "Man, I wished I stood up then, because I could've made life better for everyone I know!". But of course, being the spineless wimp you are, YOU SAID NOTHING! And you get to spend the rest of your life miserable!

MAL: *stands up*

Antenna Beetle: No one? Alright then, Titan Dweevil, do you accept-

Raging Long-Legs: Uhh, I think my brother has an objection.

Titan Dweevil: Don't be silly Raging, you heard the guy: "SPEAK now, or forever hold your peace.". MAL hasn't said anything, so he's fine with it.

MAL: *shoots Antenna Beetle*

Raging Long-Legs: Ok, NOW I think my brother has an objection.

MAL: *walks up to the altar*

Disco Ball: (YAY! I'm saved!)

Titan Dweevil: Uhh... Hey MAL! You mind, you know, taking a seat so we can get on with things?

MAL: *loads gun and aims at Titan Dweevil* (Oh come on, you can't really be that stupid)

Titan Dweevil: *loads Flare Cannon and aims at MAL* Well, maybe I am MAL. But we both know how this will end, just like in the old days, I'll PWN you.

MAL: (Yeah, sure you- Wait... You understood me!?)

Titan Dweevil: *sarcastic* No, I didn't understand you, I'm just talking to myself.

MAL: (But... Why... How....)

Titan Dweevil: Yeah, sure. So go ahead, have a seat, and think about how much I PWN you.

Raging Long-Legs: So... Anyone here want to tell me WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!?

Titan Dweevil: MAL here was just looking for the bathroom, I think.

Raging Long-Legs: Seriously Titan, we were all here for the past ten minutes. If you're gonna lie, actually be good at it.

Pileated Snagret: YEAH! LIKE ME!

Titan Dweevil: Hey, it's not my fault that-

Lokin: **BORING!!!!** Hey Ranging, how much longer 'till the party starts up again?

*everyone stares at Ranging*

Ranging Bloyster: *looks around nervously* Hello, person I have never met before. Would you like to not talk to me?

Lokin: But we already played that game!

Titan Dweevil: Can everyone here just SHUT U-

MAL: *shoots Titan Dweevil in the face* (BOOYAH!)

Titan Dweevil: *takes a step back, then looks at MAL* You didn't just do what I think you did.

MAL: (And if I did?)

Titan Dweevil: DIE!!

MAL: (AHHHH!!!!)

*They leap at each other and start firing all over the place like mad*

Dancing Long-Limbs: Hey, HEY! Guys, this is supposed to be a gnarly celebration dudes! We're supposed have fun, not war!

Doodlebug: Yeah!

Glint: Ninjitsu is about piece!

Dancing Long-Limbs: *stares at Doodlebug and Glint* You two... You're the little...

Doodlebug: Peace for all!

Dancing Long-Limbs: SCREW THAT! It's pay-back time, yo!

*And so, Dancing Long-Limbs and Doodlebug and Glint also get in a fight.*

Antenna Beetle: GUYS! C'mon, take a chill pill or something dudes!

Giant Breadbug: YEAH! CALL ME FAT WILL YA!?

Antenna Beetle: What the-

Giant Breadbug: *Tackles Antenna Beetle*

Lokin: *pokes Ranging Bloyster* Poke.

Ranging Bloyster: Stop it.

Lokin: *pokes Ranging Bloyster* Poke.

Ranging Bloyster: Stop it.

Lokin: *pokes Ranging Bloyster* Poke.

Ranging Bloyster: Stop it.

Lokin: *pokes Ranging Bloyster* Poke.

Ranging Bloyster: Stop it! I mean it!

Lokin: *pokes Ranging Bloyster* Poke.

Ranging Bloyster: That's IT! *extends all seven tongues* You wanna mess?

Lokin: *stares* ... Cool. *they start fighting, except with lightsaber sound effects.*

BL: ME NO WANT FIGHTIES!

Titan Dweevil: *stops fighting with MAL*

BL: Come on, we want all fun. Me want fun. You no listen to me, me PWN you, becuase me PWN.

Everyone: *stops fighting and stares*

Titan Dweevil: Say MAL... How about a temporary truce... So we can deal with this fool once and for all?

MAL: (Truce accepted)

*Everyone gathers around BL, ready to PWN*

BL: You all have no good memories... Me won, so me gets prize!

Ranging Bloyster: SO!?

BL: *pulls out ultra-shiny set of weapons of Uber PWNAGE.* Me won these. Now, there is just one more question, and that is.... Got PWN? Do ya? Punks? *loads weapons* BRING IT ON!!!

*Everyone jumps into the fight and starts beating each other up, regardless of who they are or what they did.*

*15 minutes later*

*The entire room is wrecked, and everyone is heavily injured.*

Raging Long-Legs: Whew.... That got ugly pretty fast....

Titan Dweevil: Well, I definately won, so MAL should shut up just about now.

MAL: (Oh come on! You only got one shot in!)

Raging Long-Legs: DANCING! Come over here!

Dancing Long-Limbs: *Walks over, with half of his afro shaven* Yeah?

Raging Long-Legs: Can you settle this arguement once and for all?

Dancing Long-Limbs: Well, you see, back where I'm from, we have a saying.

Titan Dweevil: Which is...?

Dancing Long-Limbs: Back where I'm from, we have a saying.

Ranging Bloyster: Is that the saying?

Dancing Long-Limbs: Yup.

Raging Long-Legs: Great... Well, we need someone to sort this huge mess out... Someone with years of experience and wisdom...

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins: *hops up* I think I can sort this out.. Sonny...

*everyone takes a step back*

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins: Well, first off... Titan and MAL, you two make one awesome team, and I'm not just saying that either, I'm saying that and meaning it too. You two can probably PWN almost anyone in this room. But why is it your friendship is destroyed over something so small? Titan, you can talk, MAL can't, so you have a higher chance of finding happingess in your life. Why not let MAL get Disco Ball? Who knows, someone way cooler and WAY shinier might come along, and if MAL is with Disco Ball, then he won't be getting in your way!

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins: *turns to Giant and Antenna* You two guys both have the same morals: Party now, party later. Why are you two fighting over some old smelly hag? When are you guys ever going to get to party anyway if you're spending all your time making sure she's happy!? You're not! So party now and forever dudes!

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins: *turns to Lokin and Ranging* Ok, you two like to poke stuff, and you both have a slight thing for shiny stuff. Where's the hatin'? You guys could also make quite the team as the Pokin' PWNers.

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins: *turns to Dancing, Doodlebug, and Glint* Now, you three... You three could practically form your own crime fighting team! Really, you got the farter, the ninja dude, and the crazy dancer. As all three of you know, if you screw up once, you shouldn't be hung over about that one mistake, and just keep on rolling! And who knows, maybe them stealing your Disco Ball will bring more happiness and gnarliness to the world then you ever knew! Wouldn't that be tight!? So why not put aside your differences, and start getting stuff done, because what is past is past!

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins: *turns to BL* Now you kid... You have some potential as a great ranter.... Maybe even better than me and my old crew. I think you should start practicing, because for you, logic isn't even close to the limit!

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins: *turns to the reader* And you too! Don't think I haven't forgotton the preaching you be needing! First off, artists aren't able to make a masterpiece in a single day. Ok, maybe they're a bit lazy, but still. They're doing YOU the favor by writing the stuff! Be patient! Oh, and be sure to respond, saying as much as you can! Writer's love to hear every last thing you have to say, especially when it comes to what they can fix! So be heard!

Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins: *bows*

All: *cheer*

Raging Long-Legs: Wow... Old Man Wollywogwankersmiktokingmanjenkins.... You really put things in perpective for us... Thanks... I'm just wondering... How'd we all get so tangled up in the first place?

Pileated Snagret: Well, you know what we say...

ALL: BLAME GP! *form mob and run towards GP*

GP: *in cast, drinking lemonade* *looks at the bosses, coughs, drops lemonade, and runs* NOT AGAIN! I gotta stop this before I get PWNED!

FIN

GP: *is PWNed anyway* CURSES!


	12. Chapter 12

-----------  
Chapter 12: Ranging Bloyster: Ace Attorney  
-----------

*A week has passed since the last chapter, so I think I'll bring you all up to speed as to what has happened so far. MAL and Disco Ball are currently on their honeymoon, and Titan Dweevil probably would've gotten really depressed if it wasn't for his new best friend which he found wandering about the wilderness.*

*Unfortunately, all is not well. There seems to be... Well... It's hard to say exactly in a short narration like this... So just read on.*

*Raging Long-Legs walks into a Court Room and looks around. He walks over behind one of the two large tables.*

Segmented Crawbster: Hello Raging. Enjoying your last day as a free spider?

Raging Long-Legs: I doubt that. You guys have no evidence against me.

Segmented Crawbster: No evidence. Funny you should mention that. Did you perhaps hear the news?

Raging Long-Legs: *shrugs*

Segmented Crawbster: Pileated Snagret was killed last night. Funny... Now I'm the only persecutor.

Raging Long-Legs: I think you mean "Prosecutor".

Segmented Crawbster: Not when I'm done with you. I think that alone is some pretty big evidence. That... And well, I won't spoil the last day of your life for you.

Ranging Bloyster: *storms in* Get away from my client!

Segmented Crawbster:... Woah, woah. Hold on there. Raging, I thought you said you were going to get that one lawyer from Florida?

Raging Long-Legs: Well... That didn't turn out too well...

*FLASH*

Raging Long-Legs:... So you see, you're really my last hope. The evidence they have against me is bogus, but believable by the average dolt. I'll pay you the best I can, and I'm even willing to give you some of my mint condition Nintendo gear.

Jack Thompson: Nintendo... Video games... You like...?

Raging Long-Legs: Yeah, Nintendo is AWESOME!

Jack Thompson: Evil.... EVIL!! EVIL!! *start jumping around like a maniac* EVAL! EVAL! VIDEO GAMES ARE THE SPAWN OF EVIL!

Raging Long-Legs: Oh come on, without them you wouldn't even have a job.

Jack Thompson: EVAL! NOO! *bangs head on door*

Men in White Coats: *run in and grab Jack Thompson*

Doctor: You mentioned the words "Video Game" infront of him, right?

Raging Long-Legs: Yeah?

Doctor: He's got a rare condition. Hearing those very words sends him in a homicidal rage. Wait a few minutes, and he'll try to sue all of us.

Raging Long-Legs:... Oh. And to think, I was going to have him as my lawyer...

Doctor: *falls on the floor laughing**gets up**looks at Raging*... Don't tell me you were serious?

Raging Long-Legs: *nods*

Doctor: You would've lost that case before the jury would even listen to you. But anyway, I think we have someone in here that you know... Would you like to see him?

Raging Long-Legs: Here? In Florida?

*They walk over to a room and walk inside. GP is in the corner in a straight jacket*

GP: *muttering* Just... Morphball jump... That's all I ask... Just a simple morphball jump...

Raging Long-Legs: Woah, what happened to him?

Doctor: *looks at clipboard* It seems he has a full blown case of Metroid Fever... Coupled with... The Spider Guardian.

Raging Long-Legs: Ouch. What happened in the fight?

Doctor: I'd try it, but you know what happens when you mix flashbacks, right?

Raging Long-Legs: Yeah...

GP: *jumps up and starts screaming* THREE TIMES I TELL YOU! THREE BLOODY TIMES! I climb all the way up to that final morphball switch, AND THE DANG SECOND before I plant the bomb, the energy turns off! THREE TIMES! And then... I can't even jump up ledges! AHH! *slams head on wall*

Doctor: On the plus side, this extreme frustration is being diverted to the writing of new chapters on his fanfics, so there is a good side to it.

Raging Long-Legs: Ah... Well, I think this flashback has streched on long enough, don't you?

Doctor: Yes, I agree.

*FLASH*

Segmented Crawbster: So now you have a slug? *looks at Ranging Bloyster* I've got to say, you would've fared better with Jacko the Wacko.

Raging Bloyster: Ohh... You my friend have just signed your will.

Segmented Crawbster: *signs his will* Yes, I can see that quite clearly.

Raging Bloyster: You realize today is the day I get you back.

Segmented Crawbster: Huh?

*FLASH*

Ranging Bloyster: One day, I will get you back for this Crawbster! If it isn't me, it will be someone else! But somebody will take my place, and I will have my revenge! One day, if it is not I who punishes, someone shall! And at that instant, you will know it was me! It was me whom you cursed so much these past 5 minutes! I shall get my revenge! For my revenge is near, because-

Waterwraith: FOR THE LOVE OF LAWN ORNAMENTS, WE GOT IT! *runs Ranging Bloyster over*

*FLASH*

Segmented Crawbster: Wasn't that way back in Chapter 5?

Ranging Bloyster: Yes.

Segmented Crawbster: Talk about holding a grudge. Oh well. Even if you did kill Pileated, I'll be able to bring both of you down alone.

Raging Long-Legs: You wish. Just wait until you see some of the evidence we brought. It's awesome.

Segmented Crawbster: Such as?

Ranging Bloyster: *opens empty briefcase*

Segmented Crawbster: *snickers*

Ranging Bloyster: I've got everything up here in my brain! So HA!

Segmented Crawbster: Don't you know the jury never buys delusions and hallucinations? Why else do you think Jacko the Wacko fails so often?

Raging Long-Legs: Because... His hair-do?

Segmented Crawbster: I am going to enjoy today SO much...

*Soon enough, a large crowd walks in and fills in the huge jury box. Next, the bailiff (a Mamuta) walks in*

Bailiff: The honorable-

Segmented Crawbster: *snickers*

Bailiff: The honorable-

Segmented Crawbster: *Falls over laughing*

Bailiff: Perhaps you could go get a glass of water.

Segmented Crawbster: Yes, I think I will. *walks out of court room*

Bailiff: The honorable judge Titan Dweevil presiding.

*Segmented Crawbster's laughing can be heard from the hallway*

Titan Dweevil: *walks up holding a shiny hammer* *looks at Ranging Bloyster and Raging Long-Legs* *glares*

Segmented Crawbster: *walks in* May I speak first, your *snickers* honor?

Titan Dweevil: *yawns*

Segmented Crawbster: *clears throat* As we can see over here, we have Raging Long-Legs. He claims to be the new leader of the bosses, but as we can see he is amazingly weak compared to you Titan. And of course, we have Ranging Bloyster, the one who claims to be the true ruler of all that is shiny, when it is quite obvious that you are the true ruler of it all. They are both liars.

Ranging Bloyster: OBJECTION!

Titan Dweevil: *throws hammer at Ranging Bloyster, hitting him on the head*. Bailiff, could you please retrive my hammer?

Bailiff: *grabs hammer and brings it back to Titan*

Titan Dweevil: As far as I'm concerned, we have ourselves definite proof that Raging did it.

Ranging Bloyster: Err... Before you make the obvious decision, can I please bring in some exhibits supports our pathetic case?

Titan Dweevil: Most certainly! I'd enjoy to watch you squirm and beg for mercy.

Ranging Bloyster: BRING IN EXHIBIT 56C!

Decorated Cannon Beetle: *walks in*

Titan Dweevil: I don't get it. What does this have to do with you two not being pathetic?

Ranging Bloyster: Your honor, your shiny weapons of PWNage are magnetic. True or false?

Titan Dweevil: True.

Ranging Bloyster: FIRE!

Decorated Cannon Beetle: *fire a boulder right in Titan Dweevil's face. He tries to move away, but the boulder still hits him*

Titan Dweevil: WHY YOU DIRTY LITTLE- *readies Flare Cannon*

Ranging Bloyster: HOLD IT! No one is allowed to tamper with the evidence! Not even you, your honor. FIRE!

Decorated Cannon Beetle: *fires another boulder that hits Titan*

Titan Dweevil: FINE! I'll listen to your stupid case.

Ranging Bloyster: Good. Take back exhibit 56C.

Decorated Cannon Beetle: *walks out*

Titan Dweevil: But Segmented Crawbster gets to go first, because I said so. Crawbster?

Segmented Crawbster: Your honor, I would like to bring my first witness: Emperor Bulblax to the stand.

Titan Dweevil: Everyone in here has sworn to tell the truth, right? I'm too lazy to sit through every single witness saying it.

*everyone in the room nods*

Titan Dweevil: Good. Carry on.

Emperor Bulblax: I'm first because I'm special! ^_^

Segmented Crawbster: Now, Emperor, I'm going to show you a tape of a flashback. After it, I'm going to ask you whether or not it happened. ROLL THE TAPE!

*FLASH*

*In a briefing room...*

Raging Long-Legs: ...Emperor.

Emperor Bulblax: *wearing underwear* Yeah?

Raging Long-Legs: The briefing room... is not a room in which you wear briefs...

Emperor Bulblax: Oh. *takes off underwear* ......I'M NEKKID! ^___^

Raging Long-Legs: Be quiet! The FCC is watching...

*FCC agents walk by*

Raging Long-Legs: *wearing tux* Pip pip and cheerio, old boy.

Emperor Bulblax: *wearing tux* Righto and perfectly appropriate remarks.

*FCC agents leave*

Raging Long-Legs: *not wearing tux* Explosions.

Emperor Bulblax: *not wearing tux* Alcohol.

Raging Long-Legs: That was fun.

Emperor Bulblax: Yup.

Raging Long-Legs: Okay, with that nonsense over, it's time for us to review the plan.

Emperor: Right. What is it?

Raging Long-Legs: *points to a board with a plan drawn in crayon* Now, this is your hole. These two invaders here... *points to sketches of Louie and Olimar* Will be attempting to usurp your throne. They'll come in and-

Emperor Bulblax: Can one of 'em be named Arkavinster?

Raging Long-Legs: What?

Emperor Bulblax: The green one kinda looks like an Arkavinster.

Raging Long-Legs: ...Sure. The invaders-

Emperor Bulblax: Arkavinster!

Raging Long-Legs: ...Arkavinster... will come into your hole. The objective is to not die.

Emperor Bulblax: Why?

Raging Long-Legs: Let's look at the diagram... *flips to a diagram* Now, as you can see...

LIVING = GOOD

DYING = BAD

Raging Long-Legs: See?

Emperor Bulblax: But Titan always says that he wishes I would die... would that mean dying good?

Raging Long-Legs: Um... no.

Emperor Bulblax: EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER KNOWN IS A LIE!!!!!! *runs around screaming and crying*

Raging Long-Legs: Now... let's move on to the plan, so you won't die... this information is incredibly vital if you are to-

Emperor Bulblax: WAAAAAAAAAA!!!! *bangs head against wall* CORN NUGGET! CORN NUGGET! CORN NUGGET! WAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLE!!!!! GUAAAAAAA!!!!

Raging Long-Legs: ...Meeting adjourned. *leaves*

*FLASH*

Emperor Bulblax: Yup. That happened alright.

Segmented Crawbster: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this tape shows us many things. The most significant of which is Raging Long-Leg's lack of care for the Emperor. Observe he simply walked away without trying to calm down the little Emperor and explaining the situation. No, he didn't like him. That reason alone was enough to simply walk away, and let Emperor sit there helpless as the Pikmin came, SINGING, I remind you, to carry his carcass away. We are dealing with a cold hearted killer. *walks back to his table*

Raging Bloyster: *goes up to Emperor Bulblax* Why do you have your guards standing post and night time?

Emperor Bulblax: To defend me from the cooties, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, the Boogie Man, the Sand Man, the-

Raging Bloyster: That's enough, thank you. As you can see, Emperor here still believes in every single fairy tale ever told, unable to tell the difference between fact and fiction. He's delusional, and thus was only natural for my client to realize that he would be wasting time trying to tell Emperor how to survive. Mainly because, the Emperor simply wouldn't listen.

Segmented Crawbster: OBJECTION! All kids believe in those things! You can't base his mental condition just off of that!

Ranging Bloyster: Fine then. *turns to Emperor* What are your feelings regarding Nintendo?

Emperor Bulblax: Nintendo is kiddy and very stupid. Only geeky little nerds like it.

Jury: *GASP!*

Ranging Bloyster: I arrest my case.

Suitcase: NO! I have a wife and three kids!

Ranging Bloyster: Shut up.

Segmented Crawbster: I'd like to bring up my second witness to the stand: Glint.

Glint: *jumps up on stand*

Segmented Crawbster: Now Glint, this video tape was taken right outside the Snagret Hole. After I show it, would you please tell us whether or not the event actually occurred?

*FLASH*

Olimar: *walks up to hole*

Glint: HELLO INVADER!!! YOU ARE FOOLISH TO COME HERE, FOR YOU WITH YOUR TINY MIND SHALL NEVER DISCOVER THAT THE TRAPS AND SECURITIES CONTAINED HEREIN CAN BE BYPASSED BY USING THE CORRECT COLORS OF PIKMIN!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *runs away*

Olimar: ...Huh.

*FLASH*

Glint: That happened all right.

Segmented Crawbster: Now, is it true that Dancing Long-Limbs, Raging Long-Legs' good friend, is also your friend?

Glint: *looks around* BEHOLD! BY USING THE POWER OF NINJISTU, I SHALL LIE RIGHT IN YOUR FACE WITHOUT YOU EVER REALISING IT!!!... No.

Raging Long-Legs and Ranging Bloyster: *Bang "heads" on table*

Segmented Crawbster: So, if Raging Long-Legs was to ask you to do anything, would you do it?

Glint: BEHOLD!! I LIE RIGHT IN YOUR FACE ONCE MORE WIHOUT YOU KNOWING!!... Of course not.

Segmented Crawbster: Here we have a good friend of Raging Long-Legs. He's a piece of lying scum. He has admitted that he would do anything Raging Long-Legs asked of him. That would include assissting in the death of Pileated Snagret. In addition, when you're done convicting Raging Long-Legs for conspiracy against the bosses, please consider convicting Glint here of perjury.

Glint: AND SO I VANISH BEFORE THE JURY CAN DO ANYTHING TO ME AS THEY ARE DISTRACTED BY THE TALKING CRAB! *vanishes*

Ranging Bloyster: *goes up to jury* Just from that brief segment, we can also conclude that there is no way Glint was working for Raging in the first place. As you could clearly see, Glint boldly announces every last detail of his actions before he performs them. In the tape, if he was indeed working for Raging, wouldn't he include that in his announcement? It would be a  
large detail indeed. Thus, by his not mentioning it, we can conclude that Raging was not responsible. And in addition, IF Raging was responsible, why would he pick such a complete idiot to carry out his plot? *goes back to table*

Segmented Crawbster: Very well then. I'd like to bring my last witness to the stand: Antenna Beetle!

Antenna Beetle: *falls from the cieling right on the stand* Yo dude!

Segmented Crawbster: It is your sole responsibility to carry messages to and from the bosses, correct?

Antenna Beetle: Yup.

Segmented Crawbster: So, you could easily recite any message that any boss has sent another, correct?

Antenna Beetle: Yup.

Segmented Crawbster: Would you please recite to the jury the final message sent to Pileated Snagret?

Antenna Beetle: *clears throat* "To Lord Pileated of the Snagret Hole: We have just recieved word that the Pikmin have head to the Perplexing Pool. Thus, it is safe for you to pull down your defenses, as you are garunteed to be safe for a long time. Sincerely: Raging Long Legs."

Ranging Bloyster: OBJECT-

Titan Dweevil: *throws hammer at Ranging again*

Segmented Crawbster: *turns to the jury* We all know well and good what happened to Pileated this morning, don't we? Antenna Beetle, when was this message sent?

Antenna Beetle: Just last night.

Segmented Crawbster: In fact, yesterday, did I send Raging a letter warning him that the Pikmin forces in Awakening Wood, especially near the Snagret Hole, were increasing dramatically? Would you care to read it?

Antenna Beetle: "To Raging Long Legs: The Pikmin forces in Awakening Wood, especially near the Snagret Hole, are increasing dramatically. I suggest you strategize accordingly, and send a warning to Pileated. From: Segmented Crawbster"

Segmented Crawbster: It seems as if Raging took my information, and used it to kill off Pileated. But it doesn't end there. Antenna Beetle, please read the last message Raging sent me three days ago.

Antenna Beetle: "To Segmented Crawbster: My watch outside the Hole of Heroes have noted that the Cavern of Chaos has been deliberately avoided by the Pikmin, and that they have blasted off since looking around the surrounding area. From: Raging Long Legs."

Segmented Crawbster: Unfortunately for Raging, I never take chances, and I kept my guard up. The very next day, the Pikmin tried to take out my cave, but failed. Had I listened like Pileated, I too would be dead. He had full motive to kill both of us, as we were both going to be Prosecutors this day. He got Pileated, but he didn't get me. Here, we have undeniable proof that Raging was full aware of these attacks, but went ahead and let them happen. In fact, he has been letting this happen for quite some time. Antenna Beetle, is it true that every boss has received a message the day before they die?

Antenna Beetle: Yup.

Segmented Crawbster: Whom are these message from?

Antenna Beetle: "Raging Long Legs"

Segmented Crawbster: And is the content of said letter very similar to the letter Pileated recieved before his death?

Antenna Beetle: Yes.

Segmented Crawbster: Solid proof. There you have it. Raging has been behind every boss' death since the beginning.

Jury: *gasps*

Segmented Crawbster: Incredible, yes, but-

Titan Dweevil: That's not what they're gasping at *points*

*continued in next post*

MAL: *enters room with Disco Ball and a lightbulb* *shooting at wall, in morse code* Am I too late?

Titan Dweevil: *narrows eyes* Well, you just missed your bro get totally owned by Segmented Crawbster, but you can stick around to see him squirm.

Raging Long-Legs: What's with the light bulb?

MAL: *shoots at wall, again in morse code* That would be my son. We've named him Stellar Orb.

Stellar: (OH! Is that uncle Raging?)

MAL: (Yes it is. Let's take a seat and watch.)

Ranging Bloyster: *goes up to stand* You work at Pillbug's Pizza, right?

Antenna Beetle: Yeah.

Ranging Bloyster: Ok, I'd like an extra large peperonni and sausage pizza sent to my office, alright?

Antenna Beetle: You got it! *jumps off*

Ranging Bloyster: Your honor, can we have a brief five minute break?

Titan Dweevil: *plays DS Lite* Sure... Ohh... How shiny...

*In Ranging's office*

Ranging Bloyster: I'm not gonna lie. We're doomed. We are so doomed.

Raging Long-Legs: Come on! There has to be something... I'm certain Segmented is behind all this.

Ranging Bloyster: It's nice that you have a hunch, but Segmented has all that evidence!

Raging Long-Legs: *shakes head* I didn't send those messages.

Ranging Bloyster: They had your names on 'em.

Raging Long-Legs: Look, there has to be a way to turn the tables on Crawbster... He'll be caught by surprise... But we're going to need a mira-

Gatling Groink: Err... Hello. I work for Segmented Crawbster. I think I might be able to help.

Ranging Bloyster: Talk about Dues Ex Machina.

Raging Long-Legs: Oh shut up. This just makes things easy for us.

*five minutes later, back in the court room*

Ranging Bloyster: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Our evidence will be supporting the fact that Segmented Crawbster is indeed the criminal, not Raging Long-Legs.

Segmented Crawbster: *chuckles* I see you insist on losing your dignity.

Ranging Bloyster: I'd like to call up my first witness, Waterwuss!

Water Wraith: Har har har.

Ranging Bloyster: Waterwuss, is it true that A: You're an idiot, or B: All of the above?

Water Wraith: But I can-

Ranging Bloyster: ANSWER THE QUESTION!

Segmented Crawbster: OBJECTION! Ranging, as much as I like to see Waterwuss suffer, I don't see a purpose to this.

Ranging Bloyster: *grins* You just said the purpose. You "like to see him suffer". Jury, this crab likes it when the other bosses are in pain, it came right out of his mouth.

Segmented Crawbster: It's your grave you're digging. Continue.

Ranging Bloyster: I'd like to call up my second witness: Gatling Groink!

Segmented Crawbster: WHAT!?

Ranging Bloyster: Is there a problem?

Segmented Crawbster: There will be for a certain fish looking creature very soon...

Ranging Bloyster: Gatling Groink, you work at the Cavern of Chaos correct?

Gatling Groink: Yes.

Ranging Bloyster: Where?

Gatling Groink: On the floor right above Crawbsters.

Ranging Bloyster: Can you please tell me whom THIS *pulls out Pikmin Plushie* belongs to?

Gatling Groink: Segmented Crawbster.

Ranging Bloyster: Does he cuddle it?

Gatling Groink: Every night. He has trouble going to sleep without it.

Jury: *GASP!*

Ranging Bloyster: You heard him Jury. Segmented Crawbster is a Pikmin Sympathizer... He is worse than a Communist.

Communists: XO *leave court room*

Ranging Bloyster: He loves Pikmin, and he likes watching the bosses suffer. This sounds exactly like the making of a criminal to me, doesn't it?

Segmented Crawbster: *walks up to Gatling Groink* Tell me... As part of your contract to work with me, did you take an oath to never reveal my personal life to anyone else?

Gatling Groink: Yes, but-

Segmented Crawbster: Well jury, there you have it. Gatling Groink lied to me when he promised not to tell anyone else about how I live. He could very well lie to all of you after taking an oath to tell the truth. Thus, his testimony must be disregarded as pure fabrication and A PACK OF LIES! *clears throat* Yes... So... They stink.

Raging Long-Legs: WHA!?

Ranging Bloyster: *muttering* So much for Deus Ex Machina... Your Honor, may we have another time out?

Titan Dweevil: Sure, why not?

*Ranging Bloyster's office*

Raging Long-Legs: As humiliating as that evidence was... Crawbster's right. Groink broke that promise, and we can't take his testimony seriously.

Ranging Bloyster: I can't believe we lost so easily that-

Antenna Beetle: *drops down* Hey DUDES! I got a pizza for both of you!

Ranging Bloyster: Thanks... Wait... Antenna, can I ask you a question?

Antenna Beetle: Sure dude!

Ranging Bloyster: In chapter 3, MAL received a message. Whom was it from?

Antenna Beetle: "Raging Long-Legs"

Ranging Bloyster:... OF COURSE! HOW COULD I MISS THAT!?

Raging Long-Legs: Miss what?

Ranging Bloyster: I think we just found our smoking gun Raging.

Raging Long-Legs: You mean... Deus Ex Machina 2: The Revenge?

Ranging Bloyster: Yup.

*back at the court room*

Ranging Bloyster: I'd like to call the final witness, Antenna Beetle up to the stand.

Segmented Crawbster: My witness? You guys are getting desperate.

Ranging Bloyster: That's what you think. Antenna Beetle, in Chapter 3, you delivered a message to MAL, correct?

Antenna Beetle: Correct.

Ranging Bloyster: Who sent this message?

Antenna Beetle: "Raging Long-Legs"

Ranging Bloyster: Now, the messages sent to the bosses one day before they die... Who sent those messages?

Antenna Beetle: "Raging Long Legs"

Ranging Bloyster: *grins* I believe there is trickery afoot. *turns to the jury* There is a very big difference between these two entities. In the latter... A HYPHEN IS MISSING!

Jury: *Ga-Wait, what?*

Ranging Bloyster: It is a very simple mistake, to forget to put a hyphen in a name. I highly doubt that Raging Long-Legs would forget how to spell his own name. Thus, someone else has been sending these messages, under his name! Oh, but the cave goes deeper... Antenna Beetle, who did Segmented Crawbster send his message to yesterday?

Antenna Beetle: "Ranging Long Legs"

Ranging Bloyster: Was he replying to any previous messages?

Antenna Beetle: No.

Ranging Bloyster: So, as we can quite simply see, in Segmented Crawbster's message he forgot the hyphen. So... Logically... Segmented Crawbster IS Raging Long Legs!

Jury: ***GASP!!!***

Ranging Bloyster: Yes. This Pikmin-loving freak has been the one behind the killing all along, and he has been framing our leader while at it, hoping to kill Raging off too. And I know you all have one question: "If Raging Long Legs and Segmented Crawbster are the same, then how did he receive a message from Raging Long Legs?". Antenna Beetle, would you please send me a message in five seconds?

Antenna Beetle: Sure dude!

Ranging Bloyster: Can you send a message to Ranging Bloyster saying: "Whenever somebody sends a message, they can determine the name the want to be attached to the message. It is possible to make an official message to yourself, and have the concrete evidence state that someone else sent it. From: Segmented Crawbster."

Titan Dweevil: Well, I think we all have hear enough. Let's just-

Antenna Beetle: DUDE! I got a message for a Ranging Bloyster! "Whenever somebody sends a message, they can determine the name the want to be attached to the message. It is possible to make an official message to yourself, and have the concrete evidence state that someone else sent it. From: Segmented Crawbster."

Titan Dweevil: Yes, I think the slug drove that point home. I think it's time for the jury to decide on who is guilty and who isn't. While you're in the room, jury, be sure to admire the amazingly shiny furniture in there.

*The jury walks out of the court room*

Segmented Crawbster:... It's so nice to see justice at work.

Raging Long-Legs: Isn't it?

Segmented Crawbster: I was sarcastic. I can't believe it. I break my back looking for all that evidence, and then you and your buddy come along with a bunch of lies and make me look like a crook. It's not right.

Raging Long-Legs: What do you mean it's not right? It makes perfect sense. You made up those letters.

Segmented Crawbster: No, I didn't. I actually received a message from you. I actually sent those messages to you... I didn't try to frame anyone. And here I am, ruined. I hope you're both proud of yourselves.

Ranging Bloyster: Well, I've been waiting to say this for a long time Crawbster: IN YOUR FACE! HA! I told you I'd get you back! And I was right! I completely PWNed you!

Giant Breadbug: *walks out of Jury room* The Jury has decided on a verdict.

Titan Dweevil: And it is?

Giant Breadbug: The Council of Bosses shall cease to exist. If we must always look over each others shoulders and be placed in a never ending state of paranoia, then this council has failed its purpose. Thus, by the power invested in this jury, the Council of Bosses shall be no more!

Titan Dweevil: WHAT!?

Giant Breadbug: You said we can make any decision we want to. This was the best option for us.

*five minutes earlier, in the jury room*

Giant Breadbug: Oh boy. Raging or Segmented... I have to say... I never liked Segmented much.

Bulborb: But Raging is ugly!

Breadbug: Yeah! UGLY!

Doodlebug: FINISHED FART! *farts*

*everyone finishes talking*

Doodlebug: Now, hold on a second. I might spend all my time farting, farting, and farting, but I know a problem when I see it. This whole Council is a problem. Look, the council was formed by the Great Emperor to help organize the different families against the Pikmin, and for no other reason. This trial proves that the council has failed. They've been too busy pointing fingers at each other and bickering that the Pikmin have gone ignored since they arrived here! We blame each other for the deaths of the bosses instead of working even harder to prevent another death! This isn't the way this council was meant to be run. Thus, I say it's terminated.

Velociraptors: *are extinct* *try to applaud*

Giant Breadbug:... Guys.... He's right... He's right. We need to stop this nonsense. I vote with Doodlebug!

Everyone: GO FART BEETLE!

*present time. Everybody has left to go to a party in the Giant's Kitchen. Everyone except Raging and Titan.*

Raging Long-Legs:... It's over then. We've... We've just finished that tombstone.

Titan Dweevil: What do you mean?

Raging Long-Legs: Isn't it obvious? Without the Council, we bosses are done for. We WILL die. We will fall one by one... And when this week is done... There will be none... *walks out*

Louie: *jumps up on Titan Dweevil's shoulder* Woah! I can't believe it! The division of the council will make it so much easier for me to rule!

Titan Dweevil: You mean me, right?

Louie: Yeah, sure, whatever. Soon, I shall rule over all! I will be declared... The King of Bugs! HAHAHA!!

Titan Dweevil: Heh heh heh... *walks out of room with Louie*

?: Did you see that!? Did you see that!?

?#2: Yes I did, stop asking.

?: It worked! Our plan... Every last detail fell right into place! The Council is no more!

?#2: So what's next?

?: It's just a matter of time before the Pikmin kill them all. United, they would've won. But now, they will all die. I want these fools to know who I am before they die... Do you think that can be arranged?

?#2: I think it can be very easily.

?: Soon... Very soon we shall rule...

FIN


	13. Chapter 13

----------  
Chapter 13: Lucky Days  
----------

_EVENING NEWS SPECIAL REPORT_

Bulborb: *holding microphone and has heavily-combed hair* Good evening, I am Bulby McBulbysmith, covering the massacre at the Giant's Kitchen. Behind me you see the entrance to this place, where the Pikmin recently assaulted. Experts suggest that we shouldn't worry, as the defenses here are incredibly tight.

*Pikmin rise out of the hole in the background, carrying various Breadbugs, treasure, and such*

Bulborb: It has not been seen yet whether the Pikmin will succeed, but victory lies within our grasp.

*Pikmin walk up to the Bulborb and tap him on his shoulder*

Bulborb: Hello? *turns around* ...O_O

Pikmin: : )

*screen fades out as screams are heard*

Pikmin: *carry the Bulborb off, singing like the Smurfs* La, la, la-la la la, la la-la la laaaaa...

*TV turns off*

Titan Dweevil: *resting on couch* I love happy endings. ^_^

Raging Long-Legs: Exactly how was that happy?

Titan Dweevil: Well, the Pikmin killed something. That's always a good thing.

Raging Long-Legs: You could be next.

Titan Dweevil: Either way I'm rid of you idiots. ANTIDISASTABLISHMENTARIANISM! *marches off* *breaks through cave wall*

Widow Empress: Is Titan feeling ok? He's been acting strange lately...

Louie: *on Titan's head**hands in a hole on Titan's head* Excellent.... HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Raging Long-Legs: HEY TITAN! What's up with the weird guy on your head?

Titan Dweevil: It's... Uhh... A FUNGUS! YES! *wanders about aimlessly.*

Raging Long-Legs: I don't see anything different.

Widow Empress: I still can't believe those Pikmin would do that to my snuggy-wuggy...

Raging Long-Legs: Your WHAT!?

Widow Empress: Hurdy Durdy?

Raging Long-Legs: You're losing me.

Widow Empress: My Cuddle Fuddle?

Raging Long-Legs:... OH MY GOSH! Something happened to the Emperor!?

Widow Empress: What? Heavens no. I don't have any adorable nicknames for that little brat.

Segmented Crawbster: *falls down* WOAH! Guys! You have to check this out! *holds up Video Tape*

Titan Dweevil: No shiny DVD?

Segmented Crawbster: *inserts Video Tape into VCR*

*On TV*

Emperor Bulblax: Standing in front of camera in a Safari suit* CRIKEY! Look over there matey!

*Camera turns to Pikmin carrying a piece of treasure singing*

Emperor Bulblax: Look over 'ere matey! We got the average Pikminus Blu... Ish. Watch, as I stick my tongue on its face! Don't try this at home kids!

*Emperor Bulblax walks over to the Pikmin, who then proceed to beat him senseless and feed him bomb rocks*

Emperor Bulblax: Well, the last 29 blew up in my mouth... I bet this one won't! *eats bombrock* *goes boom*

*back to the bosses*

Widow Empress: I told him not to try that at home! Everyone I love is getting killed! ;_;

Raging Long-Legs: What about you?

Widow Empress: Oh yeah. I think I'm just going to stay at home now and wait to die like the rest of my family...

Segmented Crawbster: You don't have a home.

Widow Empress:... Oh... Right. I'll just stay in the Hole of Heroes then. *leaves, never to be seen again in this fic. Say bye! This is your last chance! Too late!*

Raging Long-Legs: If you excuse me, I want to enjoy my last few days enjoying the best games ever made. See you later. *walks out*

Segmented Crawbster: *stares at Titan* I left the... Needle in the haystack. I better go home and find it. *leaves*

*next day*

Titan Dweevil: *sitting in a room filled with balloons, confetti, a snack bar, and a large banner over head which reads "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" with "Birthday" scribbled out in crayon and "DEAD RANGING BLOYSTER DAY!!" written above it*... Nobody ever comes to my parties. Oh wait, I didn't invite any of those jerks! HA!

Louie: *pulls bottle cap out of Titan's head* (How'd this get here? And what's up with that annoying voice in my head? Shut up. I SAID SHUT UP!)

Titan Dweevil: I have my OWN awesome parties! With all my OWN awesome guests! Who are ME! And all my shiny things! Isn't that right, Optimus Prime?

Optimus Prime: I really need to stop some Decepticons now...

Titan Dweevil: SILENCE! YOU ARE MY SHINY THINGAMABOBBER!

*next day*

MAL: *morse code*Raging? I got some bad news...

Raging Long-Legs: You switched from Geico to some other car insurance company?

MAL: *morse code (it's gonna be Morse code for the rest of the fic.)*... No. The Pikmin are headed for my cave next. They already wiped out Widow's daughter. I need you to take care of my family when they come and kill me.

Raging Long-Legs: Don't say that! You know guns PWN more than feet! There! I said it!

MAL: No, you were right.

Raging Long-Legs: You mean.... Feet ARE better!?

MAL: No... The Pikmin will kill us all, one way or another. I'm not going to cower away and hide. I prepare to fight them with everything I've got.

Stellar Orb: (Can I come with you too!? Please!? The Pikmin are going to kill us all anyway. I want to see my dad PWN 50 or so of them before we die.)

MAL: Sure. Raging, make sure Disco Ball stays alive as long as possible. I have some Pikmin to massacre. *leaves*

Titan Dweevil: Hey, if it isn't Disco Ball! I told you you should've married me. But Nooooooo... You wanted to go with the weakling! Look at him now! He's gonna die! I'll never be killed by the Pikmin! HA! HAHAHA!

Disco Ball:... (Shut up you idiot. MAL beat you in every way. In Shininess, in PWNage, in sanity. He whooped you back in the New Year's Eve Boss Bash. So why don't you stop being jealous and try to find yourself a life?) *rolls off into the horizon*

Louie: Woah. You just got burned over a roasting fire.

Titan Dweevil: That's just my Flare Cannon. Anyway, I'm out. *walks out*

*next day*

Titan Dweevil: Everyone... everyone I've know is being killed... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-okay, I'm bored with pretending to care now. It's nacho time!

*meanwhile, elsewhere*

Raging Long-Legs:... MAL and Waterwuss... These Pikmin are moving through us fast.

Segmented Crawbster: *watches video* Hmm... You know, I thought all those years we were just calling him Waterwuss because it was funny to mess with people's names. But I didn't know he was THAT big of a coward. Is that him... Groveling!?

Raging Long-Legs: Why are you watching that?

Segmented Crawbster: To get a feel for my enemies tactics.

Raging Long-Legs: I could've sworn their tactic was to just whack everything in sight.

Segmented Crawbster: It used to be. Now it seems to be "whack everything in sight... While using as little Pikmin as possible and taking his time."

*meanwhile*

GP: *plays Pikmin 2* Fear my one White Pikmin of doom! HAHAHA! *clears an entire floor of enemies with a single White Pik.*

*back to the bosses*

Segmented Crawbster: But anyway... I suspect tomorrow I'll be dead before my state of being even crosses your mind. At least I'll die in battle and not to some wimpy common cold.

Common Cold: T_T *kicks pebble* *sulks off*

*next day*

Raging Long-Legs: I wonder how Seg is-... Wait, never mind... He's dead.

Titan Dweevil:... Woah. We're the only ones alive?

Raging Long-Legs: Well, I'm next... When I go... I want you to take my place. I don't stand a chance against them... But you Titan... You might have what it takes to win where we have lost.

Titan Dweevil: Stop being nice... You're scaring me...;_;

Raging Long-Legs: Goodbye Titan, and good luck. I hope you can save this Empire.

Titan Dweevil: GEEKY!

Raging Long-Legs: *salutes Titan, then leaves*

Titan Dweevil:... YAY!

*the next morning*

Raging Long-Legs: *kneeling to Nintendo Shrine* I'm... I'm so sorry... I wish I didn't have to go so soon... I wish I could experience the Wii just once... I HAVE FAILED YOU MAYAMOTO-SAN! V_V

Antenna Beetle: I have an acting message from someone. Would you like to recieve it dude?

Raging Long-Legs: You mean where you have to act just like the person who sent the message, so it can be like having a conversation with something over a long distance? I'll accept.

Antenna Beetle: Here we go.. *clears throat* Well, well... If it isn't Geeky Long-Legs. You're still alive? Oh well, the Pikmin will fix that soon enough.

Raging Long-Legs: Segmented! You're still alive you swine!

Antenna Beetle: Ok, now that's just stupid. First off, Crawbster was no Swine. That, and I made sure the guards were gone before the Pikmin entered.

Raging Long-Legs: You mean... You're the...

Antenna Beetle: The killer? Yes. I am the killer. I think you know me quite well. Everyone does really, I have no trouble standing out. But... Maybe it isn't as obvious as I thought.

Raging Long-Legs: There's no way Titan could've done it.

Antenna Beetle: Silly Raging, always thinking with your feet. Think: What was the Grand Emperor's final decree?

Raging Long-Legs: Oh, that? He just wanted to make sure that after everyone died-... No... No... I won't believe it... It can't be...

Antenna Beetle: Oh, but it is.

Raging Long-Legs:... Of course... It was so obvious... But... The Grand Emperor was just joking!

Antenna Beetle: No matter how funny he thought it was, he still signed it into veto-proof law. When you and Sir Shiny get killed tonight, I shall take my rightful throne.

Raging Long-Legs:... This explains so much... It must have been easy...

Antenna Beetle: I don't like bragging, but it was definately a simple task for me. Anyway, I believe the Pikmin will be here soon. Be happy that I allowed you to die with the truth. *jumps out*

*five minutes later, in Nintendo Fan Heaven*

Raging Long-Legs: *looks into the distance* It's... So beautiful... And not a single Superman 64 or ET in sight...

GP's SNES: Hi!

Raging Long-Legs: What are you doing here?

GP's SNES: *sighs* I just died yesterday... I never got to finish Super Metroid with GP... Now I'll never know how that ends...

Raging Long-Legs:... You know, I do feel like playing some Super Metroid right now. How's about it? I'm itching to blast stuff.

*screen fades away with Raging and GP's SNES walking in the distance*

*At the Dream Den, soon after*

Louie: Ah... King Louie of the Bugs... Has a nice ring to it.

Titan Dweevil: But what about-

Louie: SILENCE SLAVE! You will obey ME!

Titan Dweevil: *starts tap dancing* Why you little PUNK! I'm gonna...

Louie: What's that? You can't do anything? I've hacked into your nervous system! You're nothing more than an exotic pet!

Titan Dweevil: GRRR! You were my friend!

Louie: I was... Myabe, for about five minutes or so. Get down! Here come the Pikmin!

Olimar: *lands with Pikmin* Louie!

Louie:... (that's it... Come closer...)

Olimar: *walks up* Well, here I- WOAH!

Titan Dweevil: *rises up* Rawr. Fear me.

Olimar: YAAH! *throws Pikmin*

Louie: What an idiot. Determined to use those carrots to the bitter end. They can't harm the Titan Dweevil!

Titan Dweevil: NO! I will not do what you say! I will break free-

Disco Ball: *appears in front of Titan Dweevil in a bikini*

Louie: You will obey... Yes?

Titan Dweevil:... Disco Ball... She would never want to see me like this... She was right... I am weak. Yes, I might be able to kill things, but that isn't true strength. True strength is being able to stand up to the truth no matter how ugly it is, and fight, no matter the odds.

Louie: NO! Stop the inner monolouge!

Titan Dweevil: That's why she like MAL so much. He knew he was going to be killed by the Pikmin, but he fought all the same. What am I? Am I just going to sit here with all my titles, a pawn to some idiot?

Louie: STOP!

Titan Dweevil: No. I'm not going to let my friend's legacies to be driven into the dust because some dolt wants to live in his little play world. *Shock Therapist starts smoking*

Louie: What!? What is that!?

Titan Dweevil: You know what Louie? I quit. *Shock Therapist drops*

Louie: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

Titan Dweevil: *Monster Pump starts smoking* What does it look like? I'm disarming myself. I'd rather die than be known as the idiot who let you take control. *Monster Pump drops*

Louie: But... NOT FAIR! This was my time!

Titan Dweevil: *Flare Cannon starts smoking* Heh. Here I was, all this time just rooting for the Pikmin. I was rooting for them to kill my friends... And now I root for them to kill me. That's some Class-A irony right there. *Flare Cannon drops*

Louie: Irony? I don't care about your fancy metals! Just kill them! Please!

Titan Dweevil: *Comedy Bomb starts smoking* It all comes down to this, and you have to ask yourself one question: "Do I feel shiny?". Well, do you? PUNK! *Comedy Bomb drops* It's time for you to go back to your minimum wage job... Wait, no, first you go to jail. Then you go back to being an idiot. I've led a good life... Filled with shiny things... But then again... There is more to life than shiny things... Goodbye. *explodes in a huge blast*

_And so... Titan Dweevil decided to allow the Pikmin to kill him, to ensure that Louie got what he had coming to him. And that isthe tale of the different bosses. Well... I think you might still be wondering about ? and ?2. Well..._

---  
Epilouge

*It is a dark and stormy night, while Titan is fighting the Pikmin. ? is standing near a window. ?2 walks in.*

?2: The Pikmin have reached the final floor of the Dream Den. Victory is ours.

?: Finally... Heh... It's all mine...

*lightning strikes in the background, illuminating ?. He is.... DOODLEBUG!*

Doodlebug: Grand Emperor... What a stupid sloth. I asked him if I would ever be a boss, or a Grand Emperor. He starts laughing, and then makes a decree stating that if all the bosses and himself are killed by the same species, I would be the Grand Emperor. Enter Olimar... I brought him a fresh Onion before he woke up. Then, I carefully guided him through the trials... Leaving no trace. Fast forward until now... All the bosses are dead. It couldn't have been done without your help.

*Lightning strikes again, this time revealing ?2 as... ANTENNA BEETLE!*

Antenna Beetle: Being able to edit any message I want to is so fun. DANCE PUPPETS DANCE! I could control everything they said!

Doodlebug: Yes, you shall be rewarded well for your services... But for now... *puts on cape* It is time to dispense of the hitmen... Or shall I say... The hitcarrots?

Antenna Beetle: I'll rally up the troops. We'll hit them hard right after the captains leave.

Doodlebug: LONG LIVE THE NEW EMPIRE!

*meanwhile...*

Kirby: *rides warpstar* *looks at watch* Man, how far away is this guy? *yawns*

FINISHED

Well, I bet you didn't see THAT ending coming! Ok, maybe you did. I don't know. Anyway, I'm finally done uploading it all and it feels good, but looking through it again for the first time in a few years I had some different perspectives about the things I did, whether or not they worked, etc. I'm considering writing one more chapter here which would double as a "my thoughts on X chapter" as well as a chance to answer any questions you might have remotely related to the fic, whether it's my favorite chapter/character/etc or to any specific character if you so desire. If you'd actually bother reading something like that say so in your review as well as any questions/specific things you're curious about.

Also, I'd appreciate it if you guys could post more about this fic than just "YAY it's over great last chapter!". I'd love it if you guys could tell me everything you could say about it... Your favorite chapter, your favorite character, what you thought about the end, favorite quote/joke… I just finished, so I'm looking for lots of feedback before I start working on something else.


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